Chapter 10: DEPRESSION AND DESPERATION

CHAPTER TEN | DEPRESSION AND DESPERATION

ASPEN

The events of yesterday refused to leave my mind no matter how much I begged them to. I just couldn't fathom or accept the truth that there was a possibility I was responsible for the death of goddess knows how many people.

The weight of the guilt I was carrying pulled me down so much that I was barely functioning. Everything I had been doing since the truth came out had been unusually robotic, and I knew I was starting to draw the attention of other students in the school.

Today was meant to be my first day trying, but I wasn't ready for it.

I felt dangerous, monstrous. I didn't want to be anywhere near anyone, afraid of what might happen if I lost control and started doing things unconsciously.

I walked to the training ground, sitting on the bench instead of joining the other students in the boxing ring.

“Are you good?” Ronan asked, walking over to me with Rachel right behind him. “You haven't been looking so good these days.”

I hummed in response, my mind anywhere else but the things going on around me.

“Alex?” I heard the name but didn't answer. It had slipped my mind that my name was now Alex Smith, and I was taking the identity of someone I wasn't sure even existed.

“Alex Smith.” I didn't even bat an eye. I was far too gone for rescue.

Ronan nudged me, snapping me awake and back to reality. “You're being summoned, Alex.”

It was only then I realized that I was Alex, and I was the one the coach had been calling for a while now. I jumped to my feet, running over to the man whose face looked like he was ready to implode.

“I called you five times, boy. Why didn't you respond? You think you're better than everyone in here, you proud punk?” he yelled, his saliva splashing on my face.

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish out of water. I wanted to speak, to defend myself and explain that the reason I didn't answer him the moment he called was because I was so deep in thought I had lost a sense of reality. But alas, I couldn't utter a single sentence.

My mind was on something else, the guilt that was threatening to rip me apart. Guilt had a way of humbling you, of stripping you bare of everything you thought you were, and leaving you raw, naked, and confused about your own identity.

My lack of response aggravated the coach, and he gripped me by my clothes, pulling me impossibly close to him so that I could smell the unpleasant garlic on his breath. “Are you deaf, mutt!”

Yet again, I couldn't respond. I was so afraid that if I said anything, I would expose myself and get arrested, even though the truth had not been found yet.

What if I wasn’t the murderer and was beating myself up for no reason at all?

He let go of my chest, clapping and howling so loudly it drew the attention of every other person around.

“Since you're so high and mighty, why don't you use that same energy on the run? You're going to fight the best boxer here, and I sure as hell hope you win. If you don't, you wouldn't like what would become of you.” The malice in his eyes was so vivid that I wanted nothing more than for the ground to open up and swallow me.

“Ronan Cross, get over here,” he commanded. “You and Alex will get on the ring right now, and I want you to destroy him. Make sure he doesn't leave that ring alive.”

Ronan walked over, glaring at me for dragging him into this. I was stunned by the coach's words, asking a student to kill a fellow student, and something told me he meant every word he spoke. I shouldn't be too surprised; this was a school that killed the students who couldn't pass the training.

“Do you hear me, Cross? If I don't see blood, you’ll pay dearly for it.”

We went to the ring, and Ronan took a fighting stance. He circled me, watching me like a predator ready to attack its prey. I didn't have the strength for anything, so I just watched him.

I knew he wouldn't hurt me. We're friends, I think, and he's my mate too, even though he doesn't want to accept me.

“Why would you do that?” he said discreetly when he reached out to grab me.

“Do what?” I asked, confused.

“Why would you enrage the coach? Do you have a death sentence or something?”

I shrugged, not knowing what to say.

What was I going to tell him, that guilt was eating me alive and making me want to give up on life?

He was never going to understand me. He'd probably think I was a coward and a weakling, trying to run when things got hard.

“More fighting, less talking!” the coach yelled from the crowd that had gathered, pounding his left fist into his right palm.

I thought Ronan wasn't going to attack me. I thought he would pretend to do something to me but secretly let me go.

But he didn't do any of that. His fist met my face so hard that the metallic taste of blood flooded my mouth.

I spat the blood onto my hand, staring at him with wide eyes. “What the fuck,” I hissed, but he was already charging at me, ready to throw the second blow.

I ran out of the way, screaming and calling for help. I probably wasn't doing anything to help my disguise or my situation, but I truly didn't care.

The determined look on his face scared me, and I knew that if I didn't find a way to leave the ring now, he might hurt me so badly I wouldn't be able to walk for days.

Ronan dragged me by my shirt, pulling me back and using his legs to slam into me from behind. I fell, groaning in pain and turning over just in time to see his boot coming down on me.

I screamed, rolling out of the way and tapping out.

But unfortunately, this wasn't the normal boxing we watched on TV. This was different. This was Alpha training, where the weak died and the strong ruled. So when I tapped out, the fight didn’t come to an end; there was no referee.

Because in this fight, just as the coach ordered, one person must walk out alive while the other bleeds.

And in this case, I was the victim.

Ronan trapped me with both his feet, lifted his leg one last time, and his foot came crashing down on my face, knocking me out cold.