Chapter 103: I Didn't Realize - Riven's POV

The entire way back to the mansion, that thought set heavily in my chest. Each step seemed to become slower and slower.

I didn’t want to say the truth out loud. If I lost control, she wouldn’t just be anyone. She would be the one I held onto the longest.

My grip tightened on the bag as I pushed the door open and stepped back inside. The warmth of the mansion wrapped around me, but it didn’t touch the cold that had settled deep in my bones.

It never did anymore.

The hallway was quiet, too quiet for a place this size. My boots echoed faintly against the floor as I made my way back toward my room. Every step felt heavier now, as if something was pressing down on me from the inside out.

By the time I reached the door, I hesitated, just for a second.

My hand hovered over the handle as the bond pulsed again, stronger this time. I exhaled slowly and pushed the door open.

Steam drifted faintly from the bathroom, curling into the air, and the soft sound of running water filled the space. My gaze flickered toward it for half a second before I stepped fully inside, shutting the door behind me.

I set her bag down near the bed, my fingers lingering on it for a moment longer than necessary before I straightened. My eyes moved around the room, taking it in again as if I needed to ground myself.

Everything looked the same, but it didn’t feel the same. Nothing did.

A quiet shift in the air pulled my attention back toward the bathroom. The water shut off, and the silence that followed felt louder than anything before it.

My chest tightened. The bond stirred again, reacting before I could.

I dragged a hand down my face, exhaling slowly as I forced my control back into place. I needed to get a grip before she walked out of there. I needed to remember everything I had just told myself outside.

This wasn’t safe. None of this was.

The door creaked open. I looked up before I could stop myself and everything I had just told myself shattered.

She stepped out slowly, her hair damp, her skin still flushed slightly from the heat. She had changed, but it didn’t matter. My focus locked onto her as if it had never learned how to look away.

The bond snapped tighter. My breath caught, my body going completely still as something deep in my chest pulled toward her without hesitation.

“Riven?” She asked softly, as if she wasn’t sure what she’d find when she looked at me.

I didn’t answer right away. I couldn’t. For a second, all I could think about was how easily it would be to close the distance and forget everything.

Stop.

My jaw tightened as I forced myself to look away, dragging in a slow breath.

“Your bag’s here,” I said, my voice rougher than I intended.

She didn’t move right away. I could feel her watching me, feel the shift in the bond as confusion brushed against it.

“You left pretty fast,” she said after a moment.

“I needed air,” I replied shortly.

That wasn’t a lie. It just wasn’t all of it.

Silence stretched between us again, heavier this time. I could feel it building, everything we hadn’t said pressing in from all sides. I finally looked back at her.

Her expression had changed. It was softer, but more cautious now. She was trying to read me and didn’t like what she was seeing. That twisted something in my chest.

“I meant what I said,” I added, quieter now. “We need to talk.”

Her brow pulled together slightly. “About what?”

It was such a simple question and I should have an answer for it immediately, but my mouth went dry. We needed to talk about everything, about how this was a mistake, and how I didn’t know if I could keep her safe.

Then there was that kiss before I left. It was already enough to make me forget every reason I had for pushing her away over a year ago.

My hands curled slightly at my sides as I held her gaze.

“About what happens next,” I said finally. “Our ceremony will be in six weeks, on your birthday and I don’t even know what flowers you like.”

She laughed at that. “Lillies. But I’m sure my mother has already told the Alpha King to make sure they are part of my ceremony.”

I nodded, but my mind was a mess. I almost couldn’t sort through my own thoughts. “What about the decor and everything else? You know it’s like a wedding that others hold.”

“I know,” she said, her eyes wide and certain. “We have time to figure it out.”

“It’s just that…I feel like you’re being rushed into this.” As those words left my mouth, I caught sight of the shape of her under the shirt. She was so frail and small compared to how she had been. “But I—”

All words died in my throat.

She finally looked down, her legs crossing before she stood on one foot. “I lost weight.”

“Your wolf was miserable, wasn’t she?”

She nodded at that, then looked at her bag. “Can I just sleep in your shirt? I found it in the drawer and it brings me…comfort.”

My chest tightened at that, sharper than anything else she had said.

“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Of course you can.”

My voice didn’t come out as steady as I wanted it to. Nothing about this felt steady. Not when I was faced with what the last year had done to her. I knew I was the reason for it.

She moved toward the bag, opening and ruffling through it. I never saw what she grabbed out, only that she put the bag at the foot of the bed on the floor and went back to the bathroom. She returned a few minutes later with a cheeky smile.

I borrowed some of your shorts too, but they were a tad too big, so I needed mine.

My mouth dropped open. I tried so hard to form words, but I couldn’t. My mind refused to cooperate. I watched her longer than I should have.

“I didn’t know it got that bad,” I admitted, quieter now.

She stilled for a second before glancing back at me over her shoulder. “You weren’t supposed to,” she said softly. “That was kind of the point of you sending me away, wasn’t it?”

The words hit exactly where they were meant to.

My jaw tightened. “I didn’t send you away so you could…fall apart. The only reason I sent you away was because the demon was getting worse and…I thought I failed you.”

Her brow pulled together slightly. “And I didn’t fall apart because I’m weak, Riven. I was fine at first. I told you that, but it got worse.” Her hand tightened around the shirt. “It felt like something was missing all the time, like I couldn’t breathe right anymore. That led to eating less. My wolf was angry.”

The bond pulsed hard at that, echoing the truth of it through me. I knew exactly what she meant.

“I felt it too,” I said, the words dragging out of me before I could stop them. “But the only reason I was able to function was because I thought I was keeping you safe while I tried to tame—”

She went still again as my words trailed off.

“I just…” I exhaled slowly, dragging a hand down my face. “I ignored it. Buried it. Trained until I couldn’t feel anything else. Then I went numb.”

“That sounds healthy,” she muttered under her breath. “It looks like we both handled it wrong, but we were young.”

A faint huff of something almost like a laugh left me, but it didn’t last. “It kept me in control.” It hit me what she said, and I paused for a moment. “What do you mean we were young? We’re still young.”

“I feel like I’ve lived for years already between the last time I saw you like this and now.” She came closer to me, her eyes never leaving my face. “It seemed like forever passed.”

I sighed and looked at the bed. “Let’s just get some sleep, okay? We can curl up in the bed and relax. Tomorrow we can talk more.”