Chapter 10

At work, my co-workers were all abuzz about what had happened - gossip travels ridiculously fast in office circles. And then they noticed me. I even heard someone gasp.

I looked down at my blouse to make sure I wasn’t wearing a huge “A” on my chest. But then I remembered I still looked a little screwed up from last night. Naturally, I wanted to tell them all to fuck off. But I needed the job.

My director was talking to one of the other managers, when his eyes met mine. He excused himself and joined me.

“Are you all right?” he asked, motioning to my black eye.

“I’m fine,” I said. “What’s going on?”

I asked the question with the sort of dread normally reserved for my annual, hoping beyond hope that he didn’t know the truth. But how could he? He wasn’t there.

“Can we talk in my office?”

I gulped, feeling like I did back in grade school when I was sent to the principal’s office. Which yes, did happen a few times. “Of course.” I managed a nervous and totally fake smile, which he reciprocated.

In his office, instead of sitting in his desk chair, he chose to sit next to me, in one of the two chairs positioned in front of his desk.

“I don’t know if you’re aware of what happened here last night.” He scratched the back of his neck, looking down as though he were reluctant to make eye contact.

“What happened?”

“Chad died.”

His bluntness was unexpected yet welcomed. And I knew it already, but it didn’t sting any less. It still knocked the wind out of me.

“Dead? How?”

“We think it may have been a heart attack.” He paused, and I could tell he wanted to say something else. “We were hoping you might know something.”

“Why? Because I work with him?” I found myself gripping the handles of my chair and had to tell myself to relax. If they knew anything, I’d already be arrested, I reasoned.

“Because you were the last person to see him alive.”

Oh shit, they do know something. Did they find my underwear? I felt my heart rate quicken. And then the nausea came. I knew if I didn’t calm down soon, my breakfast would be all over the director.

“We can’t seem to find the footage from that time frame,” he said.

Footage? Holy shit, we’re being recorded? I was indignant for a second, but then I realized what it meant. If there’s video footage, I’m screwed.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. At least they don’t have it, I thought.

“Did he look ill?” he asked.

Should I tell the truth, that he tried to rape me? It would explain the underwear.

“Kate?”

“What? I’m sorry, just drifted off there for a second.”

“Did he look ill, when you left?”

“I don’t know, maybe. I try to keep to myself, you know?”

His half-smile conveyed that he did understand. He must’ve seen Chad touching me before, and I wondered if he ever had an awkward HR-type conversation with him. If he had, it certainly wasn’t effective.

“Of course the police will want to talk to you,” he said.

I nodded. That was not a conversation I was looking forward to. I was probably the shittiest liar on the face of the earth. I would just have to not offer information and give carefully worded responses that could technically be true. It was my only hope.

“If you need to talk, my door is always open. I know you weren’t very close with Chad, but this kinda thing is difficult to process nonetheless.”

I smiled, genuinely glad he was now my immediate boss. “Thank you.”

Back at my desk, I was surprised to see Jay there.

“Kate, are you all right?” he asked, and gave me a hug. It was a condolences hug to anyone who watched, but both Jay and I knew it was more supportive in nature. The warmth that seemed to surround me in that embrace was surreal, and it had a very welcomed calming effect.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” I whispered in his ear.

I felt his body shudder in the embrace.

He nodded and followed me out of the office.

I knew the cafeteria would be sparsely populated, as it was after the normal breakfast rush. We sat at a vacant table on the far side of the room, out of earshot of anyone there.

Recalling what the director said about footage, I thought it best to play it safe and write down my question. I pulled a piece of scrap paper and pen out of my purse and wrote, “Did you know that they videotape us?”

“Yes,” Jay responded. “But there’s no audio.”

“Really?”

“I’ve seen some of the footage,” he explained. “For an older project I was working on.”

I figured it would be safe to talk with no audio, but I still thought it might be prudent to discreetly cover my mouth when saying anything incriminating, just to be sure someone wouldn’t read lips. It was crazy, I felt like I was in a scene out of 1984.

“I’m a little worried,” I said, and placed a few fingers over my lips in a pensive kind of way. “I don’t know what to say to the police officer.”

“Are you going to tell them about the…rape?” he said, mirroring what I was doing to conceal his lip movements.

“I didn’t plan to, if I can avoid it. I just don’t know how much they know. Like, do they have my underwear?”

“That could be a problem.”

I was struck by how familiar he seemed to be with what happened. I know I didn’t mention that detail when I relayed the story last night.

“Plus, the whole footage thing,” I whispered, “My boss says they haven’t found it, but who knows if it’ll show up?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Jay said. “It’s taken care of.”

With his skills, there was no doubt in my mind he could erase any piece of data from any machine in the building. But I had to be sure I wasn’t misinterpreting him. “What do you mean?”

He reached across the table and held my free hand in his. “It’s gone.”

I felt a surge of heat come from his hand, a perfect, comforting warmth. It explained why he knew about my underwear. I couldn’t believe he would go out on a limb for me like that.

I wanted so much to kiss him at that moment.

His mouth dropped open, like he heard something totally unexpected. Problem was, I didn’t say anything.

“You didn’t have to do that,” I said. “Thank you.”

“I wanted to do it. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted—”

My cell phone rang. He motioned for me to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Katherine Godfrey? This is Detective Paxton.”

“Detective Paxton,” I repeated, for Jay’s sake. “Hi. I was told you wanted to talk to me.”

“I’m at your desk, is now convenient for you?”

“Yes, please give me five minutes.” I hung up the phone and wanted to scream.

Jay squeezed my hand. “You’re going to do fine. Give him short answers, yes or no. Don’t elaborate.”

“Right.” I took a deep breath and stood. “It’s going to be okay, isn’t it?”

I was pleasantly surprised with another hug, this one as warm as the first. “Everything will be all right,” he said, as he stroked my hair.

It was exactly what I needed to hear, though I wasn’t entirely sure I believed it. I loved that he knew that, he knew just what to say to me. Of all the geeks in the world, why did this one already have to be married?

“Thanks again,” I said, as I pulled away from him.

“Do you want me to go back with you?”

“No, it’s fine. I’ll call you if I need you.”

“Please do,” he said with a sincerity that took my breath away. “I’m here for you.”

I smiled in response, and we parted ways, his office the opposite direction of mine from the cafeteria.

The closer I got to my office, the more nervous I became. What if I totally fuck up the interview? I could get arrested for murder. I hid behind the large ficus across the hall from my office door. How I wish I had some of Viola’s confidence to get me through this. Just seeing her, talking to her would be… I closed my eyes for only a second, and opened them to find myself stumbling on to my couch in my apartment.