Chapter 14 The Consequence
A week had passed after the two-day camping, Thyago and her became more closer to each other. They often hang around and stay at the Student's Park during break times and after class. He often teaches her in her lessons in those subjects she has difficulties with and used to fetch her before and after school. To Thyago she was a friend, a confidant, and a companion he can rely on and she was okay with that. It hurts yes, but she manages to accept it. Just being around him, seeing him happy makes her happy as well. Pathetic, stupid? Whatever she can call herself but she loves him that's the bitter truth behind it. She may be young but she knew this is more than infatuation. If it's not love she feel then she doesn't what it's called? Unfortunately, she needs to keep it all by herself. She just has to be contented in secretly loving him from afar and she has no plan to tell him. Thyago trusts her and if he ever finds out her feelings for him, it would be mean breaking their friendship apart. Sometimes some things need to be kept hidden for everyone's welfare and in her case, she would rather be a friend just for him not to lose him.
She fulfilled her promise to befriend Elena. Although she had a hard time at the beginning for Elena was obviously irritated with her, at least they managed to talk to each other for quite some time now unlike before. Although it's a surprise that Elena is nice to her especially when Thyago is around. There were times she accidentally noticed her frowning and giving her an irritated look whenever she thought she wasn't looking but beyond that, she wasn't doing anything that upset her.
She told Hannah and Mackie about her befriending Elena for the sake of Thyago, she never hide anything from her best friends. The two strongly opposed and suggested avoiding Thyago and don't meddle between him and Elena but she insisted on her will. She told them she was content being Thyago's friend and do not ask for more than that. Her two best friends still opposed her decision mostly Mackie. She couldn't understand? Among the two, she thought Mackie will be the one to support her and be with her side this time but he said it was stupidity and pathetic. Hannah said that she doesn't have to degrade herself like that but how would she explain that it is not just stupidity? She loves being with Thyago and she was fine with it if friendship is all he can give her. She was no longer asking too much more than that. Why her friends can't seem to understand and accept her decision?
She argued with Mackie and he keep on insisting to stop involving herself with Elena and Thyago. Mackie told her his story about his crush Roberto. Roberto was his older brother's best friend and she was well aware of how he befriended him and his girlfriend just to be closer with him. He said he got hurt and rejected in the end when Roberto found out his feelings. Now she realized why her friend is strongly opposing to her getting involved with Thyago and Elena. Mackie doesn't want her to feel the pain he had gone through because he had once been in her position. They had a long argument about it but that never stop him from seeing and hanging out with Thyago.
Unfortunately, she never thought that the consequence of her decision is losing her friends too. Mackie and Hannah avoided her. They suddenly changed and seldom talk to her. This was hard for her because her friends were obviously expressing their disapproval of what she was doing. They say it was wrong but why does it feel so right when she was with him? This might be a stupidity but then, she doesn't care anymore. She was a fool, yes, but she was happy being this way. Why couldn't her friends understand and support her with this?
There was one time she was spending her break time with Thyago when Elena intruded on the scene. She seated in between them as if intentionally blocking her from Thyago. That's the habit Elena whenever they were around with Thyago. She will get his attention to make her feel out of place. She decided to just leave them and make an excuse but it seems they never heard her. Thyago didn't even give her a glance when she was about to go for he was too busy listening to Elena. She had been used to seeing them together but it still hurt her especially now that Thyago is officially courting Elena. The painful part of it is she was there when he confessed his feelings for her. How her heart wallowed in pain and jealousy that time. She couldn't help to feel sad and pity herself. It hurts like hell how she was seeing Thyago patronized and gratified her cousin.
As her mind was preoccupied while walking at the locker area, she accidentally bumped into someone as her things splattered on the floor. She was about to pick up their things but suddenly got stunned when she recognized it was Mackie. The thing that surprised her is the tears that were now streaming in his cheeks. His eyes widen in surprise when he recognized her as hesitation and anxiety suddenly showed his face. That fret her and got worried with her friend.
"Hey, what happened?" She asked worriedly.
He didn't answer instead he glared at her then picked up all his things immediately. She tried to help him pick his things but he drastically grabbed his things from her grasp and immediately walked away.
"Mackie, wait! What's wrong?" She tried to stop him by pulling his arm but he quickly jerked his arm away from her hold and that shocked her.
She understands that he was still upset with her but they were still friends. Can they set aside the misunderstanding they had foe the meantime? She knew he has a problem and she wanted to comfort him. That was what they usually do when someone is down and sad with them. She wanted to be there for him just like the way he is for her.
"Hey, I'm your friend. You know you can confide in me. I can-- "
"Shut up!" He cut her off and that stunned her.
"Don't act that you care when you were nothing but selfish bitch who only care for your welfare! Why would I bother to tell you my problem when you were too busy chasing your Thyago? Just mind your own business." His outburst shocked her and she got hurt by the way Mackie raised his voice on her.
"You know what's your problem? You always want us to understand you while you never cared for our feelings. To confide my problems to you? I don't think you will understand me? Nobody does!" He accused that stunned her.
"I didn't know you---"
"Never mind, you can't help me anyway! Just get the fck away from me!" He yelled angrily at her then run away.
Mackie never got mad that way to her, she understands that he was upset but on how he was acting today felt so strange. He might have a problem and that made her more worried about him but her friend was never that drastic and stating foul words when he was upset. Something's really strange with him. It's like he was not himself.
Tears streamed down her cheeks when she was left alone. She was in dazed by Mackie's sudden burst of emotions. It's just a week they weren't talking because of their misunderstanding. She never thought that this little gap they had turned to worst. What happened to their friendship? Why does it felt like she lost her friends when she decided to hang out with Thyago? She can't let this happen to their friendship. She has to do something. Mackie has a problem and she wanted to be there for him.
She dialed Hannah's number on her phone and tried to call her. They will patch things up and she'll ask Hannah for help. Unfortunately, all she could hear is the busy tone. She tried to call her twice, thrice but it was still in a busy tone. She texted her to call her back as soon as she got the message. She waited for like an hour or two and call her again, but then her phone was turned off. She then gave up calling her. She realized that Hannah might be sulking over her as well. She's avoiding her these past few days too. She suddenly felt frustrated and rueful. It felt like she lost both of her friends and there is no one she can turn to. Tears run down her cheeks as she frustratingly wiped it on the back of her palm.
She went home riding a bus alone. Thyago never bothered bringing her home for he was too busy in Elena's company. Mackie never offered her a lift when he found Thyago usually fetch her before and after school. Actually, after the argument they had, Mackie started avoiding her the reason she chose to just ride on Thyago's car for she know Mackie was still upset with her. It was lonely riding a bus, she got used to having someone to talk to while on the way home. Is this the price of following her heart? Lose her friends and gain nothing from Thyago? Why does she suddenly felt alone and is this because of all her fault?
When she reached home, she went right through her room. Her Dad called and she was glad he did. She confided her problems about her friends, he comforted her and told her to not worry too much. Somehow felt good though. After all, she was not still all alone.
She had dinner alone for her Aunt and Uncle attended a party while Elena hasn't come home yet. It was past eight when she decided to sleep but her phone suddenly rang. She immediately grabs it hoping it was Hannah. Her excitement vanished and got curious when she saw it was Thyago calling. Before she used to be excited every time he call. Listening to his voice before bedtime was enough for her to have a sweet dreams but these past few days, their conversation was all noting about Elena. How he was courting her and whys the development of his efforts. She usually has no choice so she listen but not this time. She has problems with her friends so she has no time to listen about his precious Elena. She just watched it ringing and decided to not answer it. But Thyago seemed persistent so he kept on calling her still for about five to six times. On his seventh attempt, she sighed and decided to answer it.
"Hey!" She answered through the phone making her voice cheerful.
" Got good news and I can't wait to finally tell you!" She then rolled her eyes in disgust. She was sure it's either it will upset or hurt her. It's all about Elen again, she thought.
"I want you to be the first one to know!" He said excitedly.
"Really! What is it?" She even put up a fake smile and closed her eyes out of irritation.
"It's official, Elena is my girlfriend now!" Her fake smile disappeared and her eyes slowly watered when she heard what he just said. It was loud and clear and it sucks because it keeps on resounding her head. Actually she was expecting it to happen but why it still felt like hell?
"G-Great! I'm happy for you..." It was more like a whisper. She had a hard time pronouncing it for she was still composing herself.
Thyago continued speaking and kept on talking more about how he was so happy and excited but everything about it made no sense at all. Deep inside her, she was upset, sad, and most especially pained. That night she wrote again in her diary and chronicled all her emotions about the pain she felt inside...
Dear Thyago' s Notes:
Tonight, my heart was wallowing in pain. I feel like dying little by little. Why couldn't this feeling just go away 'coz it hurts a lot I can't take it any longer.
It's official, Elena is now your Master's girlfriend. It should have been me, you know... Just wish I am but that was only in my dreams. He's the first man I ever wanted and the first one who made some havoc in my feelings in a good way. You see, you can't always get what you want. I knew I can't have him, that's the bitter truth...
I feel so alone and lonely. Lonely and pained because of what I feel towards your Master and alone because I have no friends to turned to. My friends are upset and avoiding me the whole week. It hurts because I felt like they've been too distant from me now. I missed them so much. Our banterings, the chit chats, and the fun. Mackie was carrying a problem, I could sense it. I wish I could help him but he was avoiding me and so was Hannah. I'm losing my friends, I can feel it, and that it's because of me being attached to your Master. They badly opposed our friendship. They thought of me as pathetic and that I am only torturing my heart. But you know what, this secrecy was killing me sometimes. They couldn't understand me probably because they weren't in my shoes and probably because they haven't felt to be in love. They don't know my pin and how he makes me happy even though he can't love me back.
Love is sacrificing and giving without expecting something to return. That even you were hurting, it will be okay just for you to see him happy. That's love, it's painful yet you still risk it for you to have the so-called happiness...
I wish my friends will understand me someday. I hardly wish..... I love him and it is hard to forget and get away from him, that's the bitter fact. That even I am hurting in the process, I chose to still stay with him without expecting something to return...
~Miss Pretty