Chapter 85

Shawna POV

When we left the Lone Wolf Ranch and headed back to Michael's pack, I felt a tinge of anxiety. I had been through so much already and here I was trying to integrate myself into a new pack. A pack that may not accept me. They may even look down on me, if they knew what happened to me. I had been tortured, raped, endured countless other forms of abuse. I hadn't realized that Michael felt the way he did until the day of the sentencing. I thought he was just being friendly or being a protector, as that was his job. I lost the ability to read the signs I guess, never knowing if a male was coming to help me or harm me after spending so much time in a cage. Michael had asked me to go back to his pack with him, to explore our relationship. He had been kind and never pushy about my boundaries. If anything, I think he was afraid to push me to much. I remember that day like it was yesterday. The happiness that had filled my heart when we told me that he liked me and wanted to try and see where we could go, I had been shocked. Once I had broken out of my shock, I had thrown my arms around his neck and placed kisses on his beautiful face. He had initially looked surprised, but then a huge smile had spread across his face as he gently hugged me to him.

It had been almost a year since the trial and I was still a bit messed up. I still had nightmares and sometimes when people, particularly males, got to close I would get extremely anxious. Michael had helped me a lot, but we still hadn't gotten passed a few stolen kisses. I needed to talk to Ashlynn in person, even though we spoke on the phone constantly, I wanted her to run a couple of tests on me. I didn't want to commit to Michael if I couldn't give him everything his heart desired. He desired a family. My body had been so brutally assaulted that I wasn't sure I'd be able to give him children. I hadn't had a signs of a heat cycle, although Ashlynn kept telling me that it likely wouldn't happen until I both found my mate and my body let the tension and stress go. She cited her mother as an example, which gave me hope.

The Full Moon run was nearing, or as some liked to call it, The Mating Moon. Michael had asked if I wanted to participate this time and while I did for him, I didn't want to do it here in his pack. I got enough judgment from the umated females. The back handed comments and whispers about how I was damaged goods made me upset. On the rare occassion someone had made a comment in Michael's hearing range, he had nearly tore them to shreds. He was a Protector after all, and he was trained to kill. He had very good restraint most of the time, but I think where I was concerned, he struggled because he cared for me so much. As a concession I told Michael I wanted to do the run at the Lone Wolf Ranch. It just so happened that he had to travel there anyway on business with the Alpha. The Alpha agreed to stay for the run.

There was a tap on my door and my nostrils flared. Michael was outside my bedroom door. I stayed in the pack house, coincidentally they had a wing for singles and I had been placed next door to Michaels room. I was told it was for my safety and security but I knew it was because Michael wanted me close. I was greatful for his protection and I had only recently become comfortable moving about without a shadow with me. The shadow was usually him or his sister Natalie. Natalie and I had become fast friends. She was one of the few who treated me like I hadn't been assaulted and tortured. She was also a warrior so Michael trusted her to keep me safe.

Often Natalie and I would spend time in one of the gyms, where she was teaching me how to fight like a warrior fights. I wanted to be able to defend myself better and not be a liability. I was actually getting pretty good and was close to asking if I could try out to be part of one of the squadrons. The Alpha had taken my oath of allegiance to him a couple of months ago and I had officially joined the pack. Another thing that Michael didn't force on me. He said it had to be my choice and that I needed to be ready. When I was, I asked for an audience with the Alpha and he had completed the ceremony a few nights later.

I threw the door open after zipping up my bag. There stood Michael and Natalie was a few feet down the hall carrying her own bag. "Nat's going too?" I asked.

"Yes. I will be working and can't be with you all the time. I want you to feel safe." Michael gave me a soft smile. He was always so thoughtful. It was hard to believe that this giant of a man, who scared others with just a look, was also so considerate and kind.

"Thank you. That's sweet of you."

Michael winked. "Don't tell people my secrets, I don't want anyone thinking I'm soft."

"Of course not," I laughed. I reached behind me and closed the door. "Let's get going."