Chapter 37 37
Lucien’s POV
"You saw Lena this morning?" I inquired of a kitchen employee as I made my way around the pack house.
“She took her breakfast in her room, again, Alpha,” Maria replied worriedly. "Third day in a row. She barely touched it yesterday."
The information weighed like a stone in my gut. Lena had always loved the communal meals, had made sure to eat with the pack to get closer and learn how they lived daily. That retreat into solitude was so not her.
"Is she feeling ill?" I pressed.
“She says she’s fine, just tired from the pregnancy.” Maria paused before saying cautiously, “But I don’t think she’s okay. She seems... sad."
I discovered her in the library one afternoon, alone on a window seat with an unread book. I should have been overjoyed to look at her shining golden hair in the afternoon sun and at one hand protectingively resting casual on her belly. No, what I felt was crippling worry at the dejected slump to her shoulders.
"Lena?"
“Lucien. I didn’t hear you come in.”
“Are you alright?” I said, moving closer to her, clutching at her unspoken feeling. “You’ve been avoiding pack gatherings recently.”
Unease settled into me at the obviously faked cheerfulness of my mate, “Oh, just tired,” she laughed. “I had no idea how exhausting this pregnancy would be.”
But I could see the flicker of a lie in the bloodshot eyes, the deceptive laugh, her hand resting on her stomach as if our child needed protection from some phantom threat. “Lena, talk to me,” I said, going closer and sitting down next to her. “What’s really going on?”
She nearly said it. I saw the words on the tip of her tongue, the inner struggle about whether to share her secret with me. Then she shook her head, “Nothing that rest won’t fix.” Quietly she added, “Don’t worry about me.”
After she left again, running off like a wounded animal — I struggled with the feeling of distress and found myself walking toward Selena’s office. I knocked quietly and entered.
“Lucien,” she said professionally. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s Lena. She’s been distant, not her usual self.”
“Hm, well, pregnancy is a difficult time, Lucien,” she replied thoughtfully.
The clarity arrived suddenly, two days later.
I was in my office, going over territorial assessments when I heard voices in the hall. I caught a glimpse of Lena coming from one way and Selena out of the library.
What happened next chilled my blood.
Selena’s expression when she caught sight of Lena was... calculating. Cold. No love, no friendly worry, only the observation of a predator determining her quarry. As Lena moved completely into sight, Selena’s face melted in that gentle, caring smile I’d seen her use so many times.
"Lena! How nice to see you perked up," Selena chimed cheerfully. "Are you feeling better today?"
“Very much better, thank you,” Lena answered with polite reserve.
"I'm so glad. I was just saying to the cooks that we would shift the meal times around so you could eat in peace." Selena's tone was helpful, supportive. “They’re feeding dinner too late for someone in your condition.”
"I had no idea the timing was a problem," Lena said cautiously.
"Oh, it's subtle. But the best diet for a woman who is pregnant necessitates frequent meals. No worries, I've already corrected it."
Lena’s expression tightened infinitesimally as one more choice had been made without her voice, yet another place where Selena had so “helpfully” decided to take over.
“Thanks.” Lena’s tone was even but guarded. "But I wish you had come to me first."
"Of course, dear. I just didn’t want to add something else to what I already thought you were dealing with.” Selena's smile never wavered. “Everybody’s just trying to make it easier on you.”
Every "helpful" intervention. Every gentle correction. Each suggestion that Lena settle down and rest rather than be responsible. It had all been carefully crafted to erode my mate’s confidence with a facade of support.
Selena wasn't helping. She was taking down Lena's rank in the pack, piece by piece - and I'd let her do it with my damn consent, you know, because I hadn't known a good fucking thing about anything that had been going down right under my nose.
"How long?" I swear I whispered to myself aloud, reflecting through the weeks since Selena returned. “How did I allow this to happen for so long?”
The answer made me sick. Since the beginning. Ever since Selena had come in and begun “helping,” she’d been maneuvering Lena to the side. And I had felt so thankful for her self-assured capability, so complacent in our familiar cycles over the centuries, that I had let down the one woman who truly deserved my faith.
I just decided to have a proper ceremony, in the dining room where I announced it that evening as both Lena and Selena were present. To formally accept Lena as Luna amongst our entire pack and the others in our allied territories.
Lena appeared surprised, then tentatively pleased. "That's... that's very generous, Lucien."
“This is not generosity,” I responded, grabbing her hand across the table. "It's long overdue. You deserve it as a member of the pack and I want everyone to see what our bond means to me.”
“Fantastic,” she said, in carefully weighted enthusiasm. "Actually I'm not sure if the timing is great. What with Lena's pregnancy and the ongoing territorial feuds..."
“It’s perfect timing,” I interjected. “We need to show strength and unity at you are backing me up this very moment. And what better way than by having Luna being presented in a formal manner?”
"Of course, of course." Selena’s voice was still supportive, but I could feel her thinking. "Yes, but there are those traditions. It’s a pretty elaborate ritual, you need at least a few months preparations and knowing the sequence of rituals."
“We’ve got the time,” I said, in a direct way.
"Maybe," she carefully added, "It might be better to do it when the baby is here? After Lena has had ample time to recuperate and also prepare for the tasks that come with it?”
There it was, the whiff of delay, of deferral, the search for excuses as to why we shouldn’t do this thing today. For if the ceremony was postponed long enough, maybe they could avoid it completely.
"The wedding is in three weeks," I announced firmly. “I’m sure Lena will have plenty of time to prepare.”
“Oh, I’m quite sure she’s capable of more than that,” Selena answered slickly. “But I’m just worried about putting undue pressure on her at such a fragile time. The Luna ceremony includes the acceptance of her position and her ability to lead face to face with all assembled packs, for her to brook drinking challenges or offer them in defense of her status; it will test if she understands pack law and pack tradition."
Every word was designed to subtly underscore any potential failings, to sow seeds of doubt as to whether Lena was really prepared for such public scrutiny.
"Then she can be glad she has three weeks to get ready," I retorted. “And I have complete faith that she will be able to come up with the occasion.”
The glance Selena sent me now was nothing but a cold, gray calculation—weighing the options left to her, what she should do next or if it would be best just to take control.
“Well of course,” she said, her smile returning. "I'm sure it will be lovely. And if you need some advice about the old protocols, I would be happy to advise.”
I'll bet you would, I thought sourly. Save Lena out of her own if possible.
I had the balcony to myself after dinner with the house slowly darkening in the forest.
"Thank you," she said quietly. "For the ceremony. For supporting me."
“I should have done it months ago,” I said, coming up beside her at the railing. “I wish I had stood out publicly for you instead of leaving people in doubt about what side you were on.”
“They’ve had questions because I have given them reason to,” she said with bitter candor. "I've made mistakes. I'm still learning."
“Everybody messes up while they’re learning,” I shot back. “But you have also made some incredible innovations to how this pack functions. I’ve been so obsessed with what you don’t know yet that I haven’t given you credit for what you have already done.”
She stared at me then, really staring at me, and in her dark brown eyes I saw hope battling doubt.
"Do you really believe that?" she asked. “Or are you just saying it because you’re guilty?”
The question deserved honesty.
"Both," I admitted. “I do feel guilty — for not seeing what was happening, for not shielding you from the more nuanced undermining that I should have seen. But I also believe in your worth to this pack. The changes you made were wise ones, even if they weren’t always implemented with the greatest of competence.”
"Selena thinks—"
“I don’t give a fuck what she thinks,” I cut in sharply. "About you, me and our relationship, our future together. Her opinion ceased to matter when I selected you as my mate.”