Chapter 75 Hiding my pregnancy.
Amarien's POV
My stomach twisted in pain as I gagged, vomiting my breakfast. I groaned and held on to the wall, wishing I didn't loose my the seventh breakfast I've had this week.
It was nothing but grains and barley mush, but I needed it to sustain me in this place. How would I survive a morning of gruesome exercising and punishments on an empty stomach?
What's worse? My baby bump is becoming apparently and the morning sickness hits me like a wave of wind in the sea. I wake up with a nagging headache, my body trembling, and pain aching in my joints.
The first time it happened to me, I thought it was the result of the punishment of the night before. Nun Agro has seen to it that I scrub every inch and corner of the Nunnery. Everyone was relieved of their duties while I was tasked with performing them.
I did it all without complaint, but all my efforts never seem to be enough for Nun Agro. She will either complain about a single blot in a corner covered by shadows and scream at me, or knock me with her stick for scrubbing too hard that I peel off layers of paint from the wall.
"Next day, you'll paint every inch of this place." Argo will say and storm off.
I looked around, then saw everyone looking at me with glee and satisfaction in their eyes. I thought the outer court was hell; this place is worse.
When I retired for the night, hoping to get a good night's sleep, I realised the thin sheets that helped soften the bed's hardwood were gone; all the sheets to keep me warm were torn and scattered on the floor.
Everyone in the room went about their activities as if they had no idea who had messed with my things. I shut my eyes as I lie on the wooden plank, covering myself with my bare hands, and curling into a ball, hoping it will shield me from the cold.
But I was wrong.
The next morning was the worse and I wished I could die. Despite looking pale as death and getting a fever that made me tremble as I made my way to the assembly, Nun Agro found me ripe enough to taunt and berate while listing out my punishments as she read them from a scroll.
With the humiliation ritual over, I resumed my punishments, but my bones and spirit gave way and collapsed right at it.
I felt my consciousness seeping back in when I saw some of the nuns taking me to the Nunnery's Apothecary.
"No!" I screamed, and when they saw I was back awake, they left me in a corner to weep and cry.
It wasn't the fact that I didn't want to welcome any treatment, but the fact that taking me to the Apothecary will only result in one thing: The Nunnery will learn of my pregnancy.
In fact, it took several acts from my end to ensure I veil my pregnancy. I keep my tunic large and long. I ensured my fair hair covered my face most of the time, so they wouldn't read my eyes and see a child in them.
These nuns can smell a pregnancy from a mile away, so I try as much as I can to avoid eye contact and avoid nuns or anything that would get me in their hands, like the Apothecary.
I have every reason to be scared, because if they find out I'm pregnant, I will meet a fate worse than death.
Every concubine who find their way into this place is assumed not to be pregnant since the emperor is dead. However, if one is caught pregnant, the position of infidelity is assumed, and she will be stripped and clogged to death publicly by every nun in this place.
It will be far worse for me if they found out my pregnancy is one from my infidelity, and these women will be more than happy to tear the baby out of me and watch it crawl in dirt to its death.
The thought of it made me quiver, because it's only a matter of time before they know. How can I escape their looming, resentful gaze? Their gaze that seeks ways to have me destroyed, a little blight, a misspoken word, an assumed attitude on my side, would get me in trouble.
What's worse? There seems to be a conspiracy about some Concubines in my room. I can't tell what it is, but I can feel it from a mile away that someone is out to hurt me.
The theft of my bed sheets and clothing is just a warning sign; soon, someone will deal me a final blow.
And I had no means I'd escaped. I shut my eyes for a moment and looked to the gods for protection. Only the gods can save me now, if they've not turned their backs against me.
With all my breakfast gone, I felt weak as I leaned against the wall, hoping to be afforded some rest before I carry on with the day.
I'm afraid I'd faint again, and I won't awaken until the nuns have rushed me to the Apothecary and find out I'm pregnant. The look on their faces will haunt me. They will first look shocked, then pleased. They always look pleased when it's time to give the worse punishment to an faulty concubine.
"Amarien! What are you doing leaning on that wall!" Nun Argo lashes. "Tonight is the feast of the Raven gods; the walls need to be painted! Get to it now!" She slammed her stick on the floor, and I heard the thud right in my skull. I was sick. Really sick. But Argos didn't look like she cared.
Sometimes I think she's happy to see me fall and die at the spot so she will brag to the rest of the Nuns that the gods have finally struck me died for my sins and no sinner will go unpunished.
I found my way to the Nunnery's store, where other concubines gathered supplies for their morning chores.
"Get out of the way, you cursed bitch…!" A familiar voice pushed me back as I reached for the painting drums.
I fell off, and the sun burnt my eyes, but I soon caught a glimpse of her standing over me.
It's Velmira!