Chapter 102: Remorse

Vincent pov

She was dressed neatly and appeared quite calm. The psychologist had already visited, but there didn't seem to be any improvement.

"Do you want to go outside for a change of scenery?" I asked her.

Lucca hugged her clothes tighter. "It's too cold."

I walked over to her bed, touched her hand, and felt her fingertips were ice-cold. I lifted her hand and placed it against my cheek, gradually warming it with my own body heat.

"We can go outside when the weather gets better," I spoke softly, as if afraid to startle her. "Or we can go to a warmer place."

"When can I have the surgery?" Lucca asked.

"What..." I began.

"The heart bypass surgery," Lucca looked at her own hand.

Life, death. Only these two outcomes awaited her after the surgery. Her fate would be decided. If the surgery succeeded, she would endure all the unbearable darkness to keep living. If it failed, she could embrace death calmly.

"There's no rush," my voice trembled slightly. "We'll talk about it when the technology becomes more mature."

The research was making progress, but there was no guarantee of 100% success in the surgery, so we still needed to find a way. I couldn't let Lucca take the risk of death.

"No, that's asking too much of you," Lucca calmly replied. "The risk of death is always there, with slight fluctuations up and down. It doesn't really matter. I want the surgery as soon as possible."

"Lucca," I warned sternly, which made her smile.

"I'm not your child. Don't scold me."

I had no choice but to agree for now. Lucca requested that I tell her the specific date, and I reluctantly said, "May next year."

Lucca seemed to sigh with relief, and her spirits improved a bit. But the psychologist said her condition was still poor. Apparently, she was afraid to sleep and afraid to close her eyes. When she accidentally fell asleep during extreme exhaustion, she would wake up in a panic shortly after.

In the next few days, whenever I visited her, I saw her diligently reading and taking notes. One day, I couldn't resist peeking at her notebook and found it filled with a dense list of to-do items.

"Go to the pack amusement park with Alice."

"Visit the southern seaside."

"Have a picnic during the flower season."

"Publish a paper on heart diseases."

"Throw a birthday party."

"Learn how to ride a horse."

"What's this?" I furrowed my brows and asked.

"It's my bucket list," Lucca said, her words taking the wind out of my sails. I almost tore the notebook apart.

She seemed delicate and emotional as she continued, "I ended up writing more than a hundred of them without even realizing."

"Don't think about these things," I quickly covered the notebook, irritated. "It's too ominous!"

Lucca started to space out again. She suddenly became anxious and retreated to her bed, her gaze fixed far away on her notebook. I realized I had been too harsh.

"Which one would you like to start with?" I forced out the words from between my teeth.

"These are all unattainable wishes..." Lucca no longer looked at the notebook.

I quickly regretted my words.

The psychologist said that her emotions were sensitive and fragile, unable to withstand even the slightest blow. I had to be gentle, soothing her and easing her pain.

"No, there are a few that are quite easy to achieve," I glanced at her list, "like horseback riding."

The pack's stable had recently been closed down because of a safety issue. It had something to do with Linda, though I wasn't entirely sure about the details. In any case, the stable had been temporarily shut down due to safety concerns. Their horses had been moved to another stable on the outskirts of town. I thought about taking Lucca to see them, but when I suggested it, she immediately recoiled.

"No... no, I don't want to," she hid beneath her blanket. "I don't want to go outside."

I patiently suggested, "That's okay, we can go horseback riding in an indoor arena."

"No, I'm scared of animals."

"Well, that's a good reason to get rid of your cat."

"...," she looked at me calmly. "I mean large animals."

I pointed at her bucket list and said, "There's one here, uh, 'go on a hot air balloon ride to see wildlife migration.'"

"Are you trying to ruin people's dreams?" She blushed with anger. "Why are you arguing with me about my bucket list?"

I felt a bit embarrassed. I regretted having this conversation.

"A bucket list is just nonsense," I pointed at her notebook, "it's a wish list, don't say ominous things."

"It's what I wrote, and I say what I want!" She was so angry she looked like she might jump out of the hospital bed. "I don't want to go horseback riding with you!"

Now I understood the key issue. She didn't want to go horseback riding "with me." The key was me. It was me. Me.

Lucca gasped, her hand on her chest, realizing she had wasted her entire day arguing with me. She should never have paid me any attention. I was just like any other lycan, only capable of making people angry.

"Well, then, you rest up," I stepped out of the room.

The next day, Lucca was awakened by a strong, unpleasant odor. She opened her eyes and saw a massive and handsome white horse's head in front of her.

She didn't know who had managed to bring a white horse into the room, but it was trampling on the plush carpet, exhaling hot air, and swishing its tail around while pacing beside her bed.

It seemed to be a highly valuable breed, with fur that perfectly matched mine: smooth, sleek, no variations in color, well-muscled, and elegant yet powerful in its form. But it had bad breath.

"Since you didn't want to go outside..." my voice came from the doorway, "...let's do it this way."

The white horse nodded in response.

Lucca felt like she was about to pass out. She had wanted to see the migration, and now she wondered if, when she woke up tomorrow, she'd find an elephant I'd smuggled into her room.

"This is the gentlest and most beautiful horse in the entire stable," I explained tirelessly, detailing the horse's bloodline, its parents' illustrious records, and its elegant beauty. Finally, I patted the saddle.

"Come on," I said.

"…Get lost," Lucca squeezed out the words from between her teeth. I had no choice but to lead the horse away.

Just when Lucca thought I was finally giving up on fulfilling her wishes, Luna Nataly arrived with Alice to visit her.

"My poor child," Luna Nataly shook her head, sighing as she looked at Lucca.

She truly felt sorrow for Lucca; in her current situation, simply being alive was the greatest suffering.

"Mom!" Alice reached out and jumped into Lucca's arms. Lucca's heart warmed slightly, and she was about to say something when Alice piped up.

"I want to go horseback riding."

"What did Vincent say to her?" lucca asked Luna Nataly, restraining my frustration.

Nataly looked surprised. "I don't know. But how did you know that Vincent has been visiting Alice recently? He never used to talk to her before… I think he's showing some remorse."

Remorse?

No, I was preparing to employ a bit of strategy.