Chapter 47: | behind closed doors, waiting room IV-2

"I'm keeping you close to me!" he yells over the loud cheers. "Do it again, Ari baby, do it again!" He places 125 chips on the Pass line this time. Looking at our stash, there are still a few stacks of chips left. I'm guessing we still have the initial investment plus some. "Win or lose, we always win cause we're in this together." "C'mon! One more time," I yell at the dice. "One more time, give me eleven." I picture five and six dots landing together. I feel so good right now, I've got to win. I shake the dice. I blow on the dice. I see it again in my mind, five and six. I let go and throw them again, eyes closed. It seems like forever until I hear the response of the crowd. What is it? Did I win? Did I lose his money? Say something, goddammit! A collective, seismic roar floods my senses. I'm floored. When I open my eyes, I can't believe it. "We won! We won!" "You're a goddess, Ari. You're so sexy, right now." Phoenix pulls my face to his for a hungry, lip-latching kiss. Then dips me back like we're in the 1950s and brings me upright again. The crowd cheers and a few people whistle after seeing this. I'm shaking from head to toe. "Let's get out of here!" I yell into his ear. "It's cool. I said I'd follow you and I will." He gathers all the chips, placing them into a bucket. He salutes the crowd and dealer. The crowd sighs, but soon someone else steps in our place and the game continues. "See I told you, you had it in you." He grabs me, picking me off my feet and turning me around and around in his arms. He puts me down, looking at me in awe. "You're incredible." He kisses me again. "Let's cash out." We take the bucket to the cashier, who then gives us a printout with the amount we've won. The ticket reads $320,000. "Your money has been multiplied over ten times. Best night ever!" The cashier loads a metal suitcase with 10k bands of cash. She places all the bills in the case and hands it over. Phoenix opens it and takes a look. He seems satisfied. He closes the case and we leave the private casino, arm in arm. "Guess I paid you back for the car, after all." "You more than paid me back. Some of this is yours." He picks up his phone. "Hey Leon, meet me on the boat, lower level. I've got something I need you to hold on to." "Win or lose, right?" I ask with a sly smirk. "From now on, yes. We always win, cause we're in this together." Arm around my shoulder, Phoenix leans in for a kiss. Our little adventure is turning out to be not so little after all. __________________ Present Day "What I wouldn't give to have a few extra thousand right now." "I still have a nice chunk of it. Paid off some bills and all my student loans." Aya's phone rings. "Excuse me." She gets up and walks to the other side of the waiting room. I'm worried for her. Trying to busy myself, I pick up a magazine and flip through it. Aya stands in a corner with her back to me. I can't see her face, but her desperate, frantic tone can't be ignored. ". . . listen . . . but we can be a family now . . . . You don't have to go anywhere . . . just stay please." She sniffles. "No — wait . . . listen . . . . I'm — I don't know about this. You do? I can't . . . I don't. I don't know." Her sniffling turns to outright crying. "No, no, no, no. Don't make me . . . . Why? Why do I have to choose? Why?" She stares at the phone for a long time. Now she's calling back. They don't answer. She calls again. A nurse walks into the waiting room. "Aya Stanton." She looks up from her clipboard. "Hi. Umm. Can I have a few minutes?" Aya asks. "Of course. Let the receptionist know when you're ready and I'll come back to get you." The nurse leaves the waiting room. Aya returns and sits down in the seat next to me. Her eyes are drowning in worry. I wish there was something I could do for her. It's breaking my heart to watch as she goes through this. Aya looks at me. "Cat's out the bag. Sorry for the shit show. The shittiest show on earth. I hate this. I wish I didn't exist, right now." She rubs her forehead. "Aya. Take some time, girl. Think. Really, really think about this. Once you do this. There's no coming back." "I have! We have! We've fought for months." "I mean, it kicked!" A small laugh escapes as I remember the joy I experienced when I felt her baby kick. "He hasn't budged. I'm all over the map. I can't do it on my own. I just can't. The longer I wait, the bigger I get, the older it gets, the closer we get to having it, the more we fight." "How many months are you?" I ask, trying to remind her of her options. "I love him. I can't live like this. He's not ready. I can't force him to be." She rubs her temples. "And who am I kidding? I'm not mom material. Look at me! You know what? I'm ready!" "Aya, don't." She gets up and walks to the receptionist's window. "I'm ready. Please tell that nice nurse she can come and get me. I'm ready." The receptionist calls the nurse and she comes out. Just before Aya disappears behind the door, she glances back at me with eyes that seem uncertain of so much. "Aya! Just take a moment. Please!" She closes her eyes and turns away. I feel helpless for her. Here I am, talking about me and my life and she has problems of her own. Serious, real life problems. She's under so much pressure. I can't begin to imagine how horrible it must feel to be in a situation like that. I hope she changes her mind. It's obvious she's not ready for this.