Chapter 11: | the envelope-2

I frantically grab the pen and notebook from my handbag. What if I went to that party and somehow convinced him to stay? What would that look like? Knowing what I know now? Could we have fixed this? I know I shouldn't want him, but I can't turn it off like that. Journal Entry 282: Road Not Taken Her innocence leaves her undone Unguarded, the first becomes the One He knows deep down, it is just luck He has to rush to gain her trust; Speaks honey-tainted nothings in her ear Believing every word that she hears Allows her garments to fall lightly to the ground Stealthily, he moves in without a sound But when he speaks, he does deceive Degree by degree, confusion takes seed She questions if his heart is really hers Or if those were just words That on the verge sounded sweet Unassuming, mild and meek But he can't play pretend for long Young and wild, he longs to roam Her neighbor's garden is a feast In love, his heart is a cheat Deep down, this she did intuit No action to combat it, knowing is useless Her heart at risk, the mind is discarded To keep him, she becomes the martyr Lays herself down, she's deprived No clarity, no peace, just crying eyes That hide behind her many reasons why While he beams because he's satisfied Variety, he tells her, is the spice of life Now a ghost of herself, her sacrifice Has carved her thin, a skeleton The mask fits perfectly over her skin Underneath, soundly she dreams Her waking hours, all spent asleep I peer out at the horizon, a little less broken. I wouldn't want to end up like that, cause that's where it was going—a coma of a relationship, living only half a life. But damn, it still hurts. How could he? Why did he? I allow the frothy water washing up on the shore to soak up my questions and confusion. And I let myself be, drifting with the waves. Seagulls caw loudly as they fly over the water searching for their next meal. The sand is heaven between my toes. Freshly snapped out of my trance, I'm now miles away from Sebastian's barbeque and his humiliation. As impossible as that seems. I reach over to pick up a shimmering seashell and I'm reminded of the envelope, just sitting there waiting to be opened. I pick it up with hesitation because I know that once it's opened, I'll know what's inside. Right now, this envelope is my validation. It's a symbol that even if Sebastian's soulless ass doesn't give a flying fuck about me, someone else does and even if that someone is an asshole, at least he cares to make things right. At least he's not setting me up for a big fall. At least he's not plotting for my demise and utter humiliation in front of a bunch of strangers I had yet to meet. At least he cares enough to make a public declaration that he made a mistake. I take a deep breath and tear open the envelope. There's a letter folded around something. When I open the letter, it falls softly into my lap. My jaw drops. What is this? Phoenix is crazy! The band around the bills says $10,000. Is this a joke? Are these bills real? I slip the band off and fan the bills out in my hands. He can't be serious. I put the money back into the envelope and reach for the letter. It's handwritten! I thought I was the only one writing letters by hand these days. This gesture is not lost on me. Words are my life and he's taken the time to handwrite each one. That's incredibly sexy. This is the guy I first met. The one that drew me in. This is Him! What does he have to say? Aria, I got a call this morning from Nick and it wasn't pretty. I can't believe I did what he said. I blame it on the Remy! I went too far and for that, I'm sorry. I had more fun last night than I have in a long time. As I said last night, you really are a breath of fresh air. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me. That's not who I am. Please, accept this gift as a token of friendship and appreciation. I know you're probably wondering if there are strings attached. Trust me. There are none. And if you're thinking of returning it, don't! Let me do something nice for the girl that looked out for me and my boys in spite of the shitty way I treated her. I'll be seeing you around, Phoenix Stunned by his sudden sweetness and generosity, I grip the letter to my chest. I accept his apology, it feels sincere and that feels fantastic. His timing couldn't be more perfect. I needed to hear this. To know I matter to someone. But the 10k, I'm not so sure. Well, he didn't even tip you and you worked your ass off last night. 10k is a lot of money, I didn't work that hard. But didn't you?