Chapter 64 Nikolai
I held Marlena while she cried and felt completely useless.
Her whole body was shaking against mine like she might fall apart, and every sound that came out of her was raw and broken in a way that made my chest hurt. I kept my arms around her and didn't say anything because there was nothing to say that would make this better. Her mother was dead, buried under tons of stone in those collapsing catacombs, and it was my fault the same way everything else had been my fault.
Katya stood a few feet away with her arms crossed, watching the church continue to collapse. Dust was still rising from where the catacombs had caved in, thick grey clouds that made the morning light look dirty. FBI agents were scattered around the area, some talking into radios and some just standing there looking shell shocked. Damien was near the entrance trying to coordinate something but I couldn't hear what he was saying over the sound of Marlena's crying.
After a while Katya walked over to us. She crouched down so she was eye level with where Marlena sat on the ground and reached out to touch her shoulder gently.
"I'm sorry," Katya said quietly, and I could hear real grief in her voice, not just the professional sympathy people gave when they didn't know what else to offer. "Elena was brave. She saved you."
Marlena didn't answer, just kept her face buried against my chest while her shoulders shook.
Katya looked at me over Marlena's head and something passed between us, some silent conversation we'd been having in looks and gestures since we were children. She was about to say something I needed to hear but wasn't going to like.
"Nikolai," she said carefully, "there's something you need to know. About our mother."
I went still. Marlena was still crying against me but I felt my whole body tense at those words, at the tone Katya was using, at the look on her face that said she'd been carrying this information for a while and was finally ready to let it go.
"What about her?" My voice came out rough.
Katya took a breath and looked away from me for a second, out at the collapsed church and the rising dust, like she was gathering herself for what came next.
"Irina didn't just testify against Father," she said slowly, still not looking at me. "She ordered the hit on him. Paid for it herself with money she'd been hiding for years. The whole thing, the prison murder, the way it looked like rival gang violence, all of it was her plan from the beginning."
The words landed but didn't make sense at first. I heard them but my brain couldn't process what they meant, couldn't fit them into the story I'd been carrying around for fifteen years.
"What?" The word came out flat.
Katya finally looked back at me and her eyes were sad and tired. "Father was going to kill us. Both of us. He had it planned, had people ready, had the whole thing mapped out to happen the night the authorities came for him. Mama found out about it two days before. She tried to stop him, tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. So she made a different choice."
"She killed him," I said, and it still didn't feel real.
"She had him killed," Katya corrected. "There's a difference. She hired people, professionals who knew how to make it look like something else, and she made sure they did it before he could do the same to us." She paused. "The suicide after was staged. Mama needed everyone, including us, to think she was dead so she could disappear completely. So no one would come looking. Viktor helped her with that part, with the fake death and the witness protection. That was his end of the deal."
I couldn't breathe right. My chest felt tight like someone had wrapped a band around it and was pulling it tighter and tighter. All these years. All this time I'd spent thinking my mother was weak, thinking she'd betrayed my father out of guilt and then couldn't live with what she'd done. All those years of anger and grief and building an empire on the foundation of her supposed weakness.
And she'd been the strong one all along. She'd killed my father to save us. She'd given up her whole life, her name, her children, everything, just to make sure Katya and I survived.
"She's alive," I said, and it wasn't a question.
"She's alive," Katya confirmed. "In Switzerland. New name, new life, completely clean. She's been watching from a distance the whole time. Watching you build your empire, watching you marry Marlena, watching all of it and not being able to reach out because it would put you in danger if anyone knew."
Marlena had gone quiet against my chest. I didn't know if she was listening or if she'd just cried herself into exhaustion, but she wasn't shaking as hard anymore and her breathing had evened out a little.
I looked down at the top of her head and felt something shift inside me, something fundamental about how I understood the world and my place in it.
My mother had killed to protect us. Had given up everything she was to make sure we lived. And what had I done with that gift? I'd built an empire on revenge and lies. I'd hurt people who didn't deserve it. I'd trapped Marlena in a contract that destroyed her life piece by piece. I'd cost her the baby we made together and the brother she loved and now her mother was dead too, buried in those catacombs because Marcus had used her as bait to get to me.
Everything Marlena had lost could be traced back to my choices, to the life I'd built, to the person I'd decided to become after my mother's fake suicide.
"Does she know?" I asked Katya. "About Marlena? About what happened?"
"She knows everything," Katya said quietly. "She's been following it all. She wanted to reach out after Monaco but I told her it wasn't safe yet."
I nodded slowly and looked back down at Marlena. She was still pressed against my chest with her hands fisted in my shirt like she was holding on to keep from falling. Her breathing was steadier now but I could feel dampness soaking through the fabric from her tears.
I couldn't bring back her mother. I couldn't undo the damage I'd caused. I couldn't give her back the baby or Luka or the years of her life that I'd stolen for my revenge.
But I could try to build something better going forward. I could try to become the kind of person who deserved the second chance she'd given me last night in that hotel room when she'd kissed me like she was trying to memorize the shape of my mouth. I could try to protect what was left, protect her, make sure nothing else touched her that could cause this kind of pain.
My mother had killed my father to save us and then disappeared to keep us safe. She'd given up everything for that protection.
I could do the same. I could give up the empire and the power and the name that came with so much blood. I could walk away from all of it if that's what it took to give Marlena a life that wasn't constantly under threat, constantly being used as leverage by people like Marcus and Viktor.
I held her tighter and rested my chin on top of her head and made a promise in the quiet of my own mind where no one else could hear it.
I would fix what I could. I would spend whatever time she gave me trying to become someone worthy of the love she'd admitted she still had. I would protect her from everything that was left of my old life and I would build something new that didn't require anyone else's pain to survive.
It wouldn't bring back what she'd lost. But it was all I had to offer.