Chapter 18 Marlena
I woke up in my bed with no memory of getting there.
My head pounded, my mouth tasted like ash and i was still wearing my wedding dress, even though my shoes were gone.
It must have been Nikolai who did it. The thought made my stomach twist with humiliation.
I'd thrown myself at him. Begged him to make me forget. Cried about Luka while drunk off my ass.
Then, apparently, I’d passed out later.
How perfect.
I dragged myself to the shower and stood under scalding water until my skin turned red, trying to wash away the memory of last night.
But it didn't do anything to help.
Three weeks into this marriage, and I still didn't know how to navigate it.
We'd settled into an uncomfortable routine. Public appearances as the perfect couple with his hand at my waist, my smile bright and fake. We attended galas, charity dinners, business functions. Posed for photos and gave carefully rehearsed quotes about our "whirlwind romance."
In private, we existed in parallel universes.
Nikolai spent most nights on the forty-sixth floor, door locked. I stayed on my floor, surrounded by designer clothes I didn't choose and furniture too expensive to touch.
We were strangers who happened to share an address.
But the tension – this was new.
Since the wedding night and that kiss that had almost turned into something more, something had shifted.
For one, the air felt charged whenever we were in the same room. His eyes lingered on me too long. My skin prickled with awareness when he passed too close.
It was worse than before. At least before I could hate him cleanly. Now everything was muddled with want and confusion and the memory of his hands on my skin.
My phone pinged as I stepped out of the shower.
It was from an unknown number again. My stomach dropped before I even opened the message.
It was Luka again. This time, he was sitting up on his hospital bed, smiling at someone off camera. He looked better but the photo was scrawled in that same red.
Time's running out.
Ice flooded my veins.
I deleted the messages with trembling fingers, then scrubbed my phone's history like that would somehow protect Luka.
I knew it wouldn't but I had to do something.
I woke up in my bed with no memory of getting there.
I found Nikolai three days later in his study on the forty-fifth floor. I hadn't been back since he'd caught me snooping, but I knocked this time.
"Come in."
He sat behind his desk, shirtsleeves rolled up, reading glasses perched on his nose. I'd never seen him wear glasses before. They made him look kind of different.
"Thank you," I said. "For the other night. For not –"
"Don't." He set down his papers. "We don't need to discuss it."
"I was drunk. I didn't mean –"
"I said we don't need to discuss it, Marlena." His tone was final, but not unkind.
We stood there in awkward silence until he gestured to the chair across from him.
"We have a problem," he said as I sat. "The Kensingtons invited us to their Hamptons estate this weekend. We need to go."
"Another performance." I said, avoiding his burning gaze.
"Yes." He removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "But this time it's different. We'll be staying overnight. Sharing a room."
My stomach flipped. "Can't we say we have other plans?"
"No. Catherine specifically requested our presence. Refusing would raise questions." He looked at me directly. "Can you handle it?"
I scoffed.
"Can you?" I shot back.
He looked amused for a moment, "Touché."
The Hamptons weekend started badly and got worse.
Vivienne was there, of course, playing hostess like she owned the place. She'd seated herself next to Nikolai at lunch, touching his arm constantly while I sat across from them, jaw aching from clenching.
"Remember that summer in Ibiza?" she laughed, her hand lingering on his forearm. "When you rented that yacht?"
"Vaguely," Nikolai said in a bored tone.
"Oh, don't be modest. You were quite adventurous back then." Her eyes slid to me. "Before you settled down, of course."
I smiled sweetly. "Well, we all have to grow up eventually. Some of us just take longer than others."
Catherine choked slightly on her wine.
By dinner, I was exhausted from performing. We'd played tennis – badly, in my case – walked the beach with the other guests, and endured endless questions about our "love story."
Our room had one bed, which was kind of obvious. We were a normal couple to the world.
"I'll take the couch," Nikolai said immediately.
"You won't fit."
"I've slept in worse places."
I studied him, this man who'd blackmailed me but also taken care of me when I was drunk, who'd given me a choice on our wedding night and looked tired in a way I'd never seen before.
"We can share," I said. "We're adults."
"I don't think that's a good idea,”
"It's just sleeping, Nikolai. We can manage one night without making it weird."
His jaw tightened, but he nodded.
We changed in awkward shifts – him in the bathroom, then me. When I emerged in my silk pajamas, he was already in bed, on his phone, as far to his side as possible.
I climbed in and kept to my edge.
The silence stretched between us, heavy and strange.
"Thank you," I said finally.
"You already thanked me."
"I was hungover and embarrassed. I'm thanking you properly now."
He set down his phone, turning slightly toward me. In the dim light, his features looked softer.
"You don't need to thank me for basic human decency."
"In this arrangement, it feels like I do."
We looked at each other across the expensive sheets, and something shifted but I couldn't tell what it was.
"This is strange," I admitted.
"What is?"
"Talking to you like you're a person."
His mouth twitched."I am a person, Marlena. Just not a particularly good one."
"No," I agreed. "You're not."
"Neither are you."
I should have been offended. Instead, I laughed.
"Fair point."
His eyes lingered on my face. "You should laugh more. It's less exhausting than hating me.”
“I think I can do both perfectly,”
This time, he did smile.
We fell asleep like that and the next morning, I woke up warm. Nikolai's arm was draped across my waist, his chest pressed against my back. We'd gravitated toward each other in sleep and ended up tangled together.
I moved quickly, as if hot water had been spilled on me.
How had we ended up like that? Somehow, despite my sudden movement, Nikolai was still fast asleep.
Great. I didn't think I wanted to face him after being in that embarrassing position.
Picking up my towel, I walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me and got ready for the day.