Chapter Fifty

Athena

Alex closes the door behind him slowly as he clenches his jaw, looking down at the ground. I keep both of my eyes on him, but somehow, I'm afraid of making any eye contact. Afraid if he might raise his voice at me or even push me away—I'm terrified to even. It's funny how I longed for him to let go of me months ago, but I crave for him. More, actually.

''Just one question.'' He starts speaking, making me look away and run my fingers through my hair nervously. ''Why?'' He asks, which leaves me in silence. What am I supposed to say? Should I grab him and say that I didn't do it? Would he even believe me?

''Alex, I swear to God that I didn't do it.'' My voice cracking at the end as he smirks at me, nodding his head, but I know how he hates me right now. From the way he looks at me, it's like he wanted to get over with it.

He clenches his jaw once more, looking at me—his blue eyes seem dim, almost filling with hatred and disbelief. ''Yeah, do that, swear to God because that's not going to fix what you've done.'' Alex walks closer toward me, grabbing me by the chin, but it's not as soft as it used to be. He stares deeply into my eyes before leaning back and walking toward the door.

''No, you have to listen to me—''

He turns around, ''—why the fuck should I listen to you? I trusted you, and this is what I get? I cared for you, everything about you, but why the hell do you have to go around my back and tell the whole world? Where the fuck did I go wrong? Do you even care about me at all?''

My heart rises at the tone of his voice, but I know that I should not give up now. I pull out the intravenous therapy from the back of my hand, ignoring the stinging sensation.

''Don't you come here.'' He says, roughly—stopping me. ''Don't you ever come near me.'' Was I indeed the cause of this? Was it my fault?

I stand there, looking straight at him, completely numb to the pain on my back—somehow, watching him hurt much more painful.

Alex looks at me as we both keep quiet, realizing that we've never argued this way before. I take slow steps toward him, and once I'm close enough, I lightly touch his face, but my heart stops as soon as I see him react to my touch as if he was disgusted of me. ''Please, please, look at me,'' I say, almost begging as I pull his face so that our eyes could meet. He tries to resist, but he looks down at me slowly, ''Please, believe me, because I didn't do it. I wouldn't. Hurting you has never crossed my mind—never.''

Completely ignoring me, he continues to speak, ''I don't want to see you again when I get back. I want you out of my house and get the hell out of my life. And that's it. Don't fucking appear in front of me anymore because I hate. I hate just by looking at you.''

He grabs onto my wrists, pulling both of my hands away from his face, and he pushes the door behind him before walking out of the room. I stand there, watching him walk away from me.

I put a hand on my heart. Why does it hurt as if he just stabbed knives right into my heart? As if he continuously stabs until my heart bleeds. My legs weaken, and I drop down on the ground, letting out the existing tears. I lean my head against the wall and trying to hit my head a few times, but no pain could ever replace his. My whole body feels like I've just lost everything at once—every single thing.

Is this how it feels like dying?

It's been two weeks, but I couldn't stop replaying the scene in my mind. As soon as I see Sarah entering the room, I grab onto the comforter and pull it close to my body, covering the paleness of my skin—I've been suffering myself from consuming anything. It just didn't feel the same. Food used to interest me, but now all I feel is empty, and when I eat, it feels like eating wind.

She walks toward me, and I hear her sigh, ''It's been seven days.'' She says, sitting beside me on the bed.

I pull myself away from her, ''You don't need to remind me.'' I reply, looking down at my phone. Not a single call or text message from him. Nothing. I guess that proves how much he hates me. He would never forgive me, that's it. I can never forgive myself—even though it wasn't my fault, but I made the deal, I agreed to it. I should've known the consequences.

''Athena, trapping yourself in this room isn't going to help—'' She starts to speak, but I cut her off, wanting to shout at her face; just because she doesn't feel what I feel. She doesn't understand what I understand.

''—then? I can't even do anything! He sent the papers, so what do you expect? I can't help it that I feel like dying. I can't help it that I can't make myself happy or go out and enjoy the real world! You can say anything you want because you don't fucking get it. If you're done sympathizing with me, get the hell out and leave.'' I know, I regret every word. It's not her fault, and she doesn't deserve this.

Sarah grabs my hand, and I stare at the blank wall, ''That's not what I meant, you know that, right? I care for you, Athena. I missed both of you, and I'm here to help. That's what I've been doing for the past four days, but you've been pushing me away. You can't sit here. You have to go and prove to him that you're not wrong. So what if he sent the papers? He didn't even sign it yet. He's asking for you to sign it first. Then, don't. Don't fucking sign it because you're going to get him back.''

She smiles at me, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb.

He indeed didn't sign the papers yet when I got it a few days ago. Above his name was empty—as if he didn't want this to happen. He wanted me to sign it first as if he didn't have the courage to do it first. I stare at Sarah, ''He's not going to believe me.''

''Are you crazy? He's going to believe you. He loves you, even a blind person can see how he cares so much about you, but you never seem to notice that. You don't see what other people see. You didn't get to see how he looks at you whenever you talk, smile, laugh. It's clear that he loves you.'' She pulls my body closer, hugging my weak body.

I hug her tighter, ''And I'm going to help you. I promise.'' She adds, nodding her head.

It took me a while to realize that helping me means taking me to Brazil. She had planned it all along with Jon. Jon has been texting her, telling them how Alex has been continuously ignoring his teammates.

Jon even said that Alex barely utters a single word. They knew what had happened between him and me, but they didn't bother asking, afraid if he might break any of their bones.

''Come on, we need to hurry,'' Sarah says as she pulls my hand toward the cab. I follow her swiftly—and she says the destination as soon as we got inside.

I never really go to my parents because I didn't want them to worry, but they worry already.

Of course, they watched the news, and they found out about it. Earlier than I expected. They kept calling me, and I kept on saying that everything is fine when it's not.

I can't even step inside the house, as if it contains many memories between him and me. It might weaken me more—especially when I know that things are strained for both of us. I made this mistake, and I'm going to fix it. I'm going to help us out and sort things.

I have truly understood what it feels like to lose him, and I have truly known my own feelings toward him. It's clear—no more blurry visions or confusing thoughts. Everything is starting to show, just by losing him.

''I don't think we can make it,'' I mutter.

My hands shake from nervousness. Sarah sees my discomfort, so she grabs my hands, holding them tightly, ''It's going to be okay, Jon has sorted it all out.'' She smiles, giving me a sign that they definitely did plan something.

Jon's POV

''What the fuck are you doing, man?'' Liam asks, throwing the towel toward me before walking away. I hold tightly onto my ankle, pretending to have sprained it early. I bite hard onto my lower lip; let's hope that it's worth it.

''Liam, come back here!'' I shout, loud enough for Alex to turn around and look at me. As soon as we make eye contact, I raise my head, ''Come on, man, help me out. Fuck.'' I fake a curse under my breath, trying to pretend.

Alex stands up, walking toward me before crouching. I take a better look at him and see that dark circles are forming. Huh, it looks like he's suffering too. ''Liam pushed me, and I think I sprained my ankle,'' I say, trying my best not to let Liam hear.

But unfortunately, he did. ''What the fuck? No, I didn't!'' He looks at me as he shakes his head, pointing at me, ''I didn't do it. Why would I push you?''

''Then, why are you freaking out?'' I raise an eyebrow, and he stops talking—looking at me in confusion. He doesn't know what I had planned with Sarah. He might expect things because I barely even do this attention-seeking—whatever you call it.

''Be—because you accused me?'' Liam raises back an eyebrow, wanting to know what's going on. I stare deeply into his eyes—wanting to give him signs, but since he's a freaking turtle, it might take him a month to understand. He shakes his head, so I roll my eyes.

Alex takes a closer look at my ankle before pinching it hard. I fake a wince, ''Back off, it hurts.'' I say, holding back my laughter. Remember, Jon, you're doing this for Athena and Alex himself. 

He frowns, ''Whatever, can you play or not?'' He asks, not really care about what current fake condition. I look around at my other teammates as they look down at me. Liam continues to stare—trying to figure out the missing pieces in his head.

''Yeah.'' I reply, ''But you have to wait with me. I don't trust Liam; he's an ass.''

''What?'' Liam furrow his eyebrows.

Alex sighs, standing up, ''You can wait on your own.'' It's true. He's not really in the mood for the past few days. Even Coach noticed it a few days ago. I hold onto his ankle, stopping him.

He looks down at me, and I fake a wide smile.

''Nah, you're staying here. Just for ten minutes, then we'll go inside just before the game starts.'' I try my best to buy some time because as far as I know, Sarah and Athena are on their way so that they might arrive soon, hopefully.

All of our teammates started to walk out of the locker room and head out to the hallway—leaving me, Alex, and Liam. Just the three of us. Vasquez looks at me once more before shaking his head with a smirk, as if he knows what's going on.

Alex crosses his arms, staring onto the wall. I eye Liam and see that he's busy looking at Alex, noticing how he's been zoning out a lot lately. I clear my throat, and Alex looks down at me, acting back as his moody self. Luckily for us, when the game started, he played well in the field. He didn't zone out for no reason, but he would hurry back to the hotel as soon as the game is over. We knew what's going on with him, so we didn't bother to disturb him.

He presses onto my ankle, and I look up at him confusingly. Within seconds, Alex stands up straight and letting out a soft chuckle, ''Very funny, Jon. You're not even hurt, is that it? What kind of game are you playing?'' He pats hard onto my shoulder, ''If you're done playing games, I'm heading to the lobby.''

Then, he continues to walk toward the door, making me shout out his name a few times. Liam looks down, ''So, really, what's going on?'' He asks.

I hear the door open, and I look at the entrance to see Alex stopping and taking a few steps back.

Athena's POV

''Run, run, run!'' Sarah says as she pulls my hand harder down the hallway—passing a few other football players. Mostly from Alex's team. I keep on following Sarah's steps until we've reached one of the doors.

Sarah nods her head, ''Here. Jon texted me here. It's their locker room.'' I slowly let out a calming breath before reaching out toward the doorknob. As soon as my hand grabs onto it, the door pulls open, making me move forward in surprise and bump into an unknown figure.

I breathe in the familiar scent before feeling my heartbeat rising. My body senses his touch around my waist—somehow missing the way he used to touch me. I look up slowly, and I meet a pair of blue eyes looking down at me—in surprise.

Jon walks past him and pushes me into the locker room before grabbing Liam. Then, they all close the door behind me—leaving only me and Alex alone in the locker room.

Alex sighs, ''Should've known they've planned this.'' He mutters under his breath, and I stand there awkwardly, waiting to start a conversation. He turns around, reaching toward the door—but apparently, it's locked. Jon. Of course.

''Alex, we need to talk,'' I say, heading toward him, but he looks at me, shaking his head and letting out fake chuckles.

''There's nothing to talk about.'' He responds.

''There's a lot of things, you just won't listen to me. I didn't even have the chance to explain because you wouldn't listen. At least for once, please, listen.'' I grab onto his hand, but he pulls his hand away from my grip.

''So that you could manipulate me?'' He smirks, ''Not a chance, princess. That era is over now; our era is over. There's no more Alex and Athena, just one problematic person who doesn't know how to respect other people's trust.''

''Well, will you listen then?! How are you going to understand if you don't listen? I always listen to you, so now it's your turn.'' I say, gritting hard onto my teeth. Alex keeps quiet, sitting down on one of the benches. He sighs, running his fingers through his hair. I turn around, not really have the courage to face him, and I can feel his burning stare on my back, ''I know you think I did it all, but I didn't, but there's something else that you should know.''

I face him, and I see him looking at me—not a single expression, ''I did make a deal with my old boss. It was her idea, but as soon as I got the chance to know you better, I couldn't spell anything. How could I when I know what had happened to your mom? Your childhood? I'm not heartless, Alex.''

Something flashes right past his eyes as he blinks, looking down at the ground. I take a better look at him and see that his non-fading dark circles and light stubble. Does he look as miserable as I am, or is it just me? ''You know how things end up when we never sit and talk about it—when we go ahead and shout at each other. That's never going to work out. That'll be the end of it if we continue.'' I add.

''I've learned a lot of things about you. How you glance in my direction but as soon as I caught you, you would look away and pretend like it didn't happen. How you keep everything to yourself even though you knew that you could explode for keeping it alone.'' I mutter, ''Our marriage—relationship or whatever that we call this, is complicated. To be honest, nothing is ever easy in the real world. You and I face different things in life... mine is pretty much fucked up.'' I see his lips curve up into a small smile—a smile that is almost hard to be seen. ''But you were there. You were there to help me. What would I even do without you? I'd be dead already.''

''I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I thought that by making the deal, I could pay back what you did for forcing me to marry you, but I guess we've fallen into a deeper trap than just marriage.'' I start to sit beside him, but I try my best to avoid his face, knowing that those eyes could melt me. ''But, I love you. That's the thing.''

Silence becomes our only friend as I feel my heartbeat rising. Does confessing has anything to do with it? ''I love you so much that I can't even imagine myself hurting you or bringing you down. Actually, I was afraid of losing you. People would say that you're lucky to have me, but the truth is that I'm the one who's lucky to have you.''

I look down at my finger and see memories behind the wedding ring. As soon as I feel tears forming, I quickly wipe it and take the ring off my finger—slipping easily due to the weight I've lost. Looking down at his hand, I see that he's still wearing the wedding band; which makes me feel slightly better, ''I think you should keep it.'' I mutter under my breath, trying my best to hide the tears.

I open his hand before putting the ring right in the middle. He looks down but does not utter a single word. I take my cue to leave as I quickly stand up and walk toward the door—tears are freely escaping, not able to hide them anymore. I hear his footsteps, but I remain calm, ''Don't worry, I'll be gone before you know it.'' I bite hard onto my lower lip, not wanting my tears to fall. 

Just before he could grab me by the waist, I quickly push the door open and walk down the hall—not taking a second glance at what's behind me. Not even taking a second glance at him.

It shouldn't hurt this way. This is how it's supposed to be. It's not supposed to hurt this much.

You love him, that's the problem.