Chapter 48: Weak (Carter's POV) I woke up way before her. Like way before her. It was the next day. Normally, I don't go to school when it's my mom's death anniversary, but I can't have her skip the entire day with me. It's four in the morning right now. I should slip out while I can. I slowly crept out of bed but she grabbed my wrist before I made it too far. "Where are you going?" she mumbled sleepily, her words coming out in slurs. "To the bathroom," I lied. "No," she pouted before pulling me back down. I sighed but lay back nonetheless while she scooted closer and rested her head on my chest. "Don't even think about sneaking out," she whispered and then dozed back off, taking me with her. I woke up hours after that to her already missing from my side. I rubbed my eyes open and saw her peeking out from the bathroom with her toothbrush in her mouth. "Hi," she mumbled, toothpaste all over her lips. "Beautiful," I laughed. She rolled her eyes with a smile and went back inside, coming out moments later with a washed face and brushed teeth. She crawled back over to me and lay down. "I love waking up to you in the mornings, you look all cute and confused," she giggled, lying down on top of me, resting her chin on my chest. I chuckled, resting my arm over my eyes. "Why were you trying to sneak off this morning?" she asked hesitantly. "Uh- normally, I don't go to school on this date. I just didn't want to make you skip either. I thought I'd leave and then get you after school," I explained. "I'm staying with you," she frowned. "You can't miss school," I said. "Sure I can. You can't make me go," she sang. I sighed in defeat while my arm rested around her waist, my fingers drawing lazy circles on her lower back. "Do you want anything to eat? I was gonna go make french toast," she said. "I'll take french toast," I replied. She climbed off of me and went downstairs while I went to brush my teeth. I sighed while staring at myself in the mirror. God, I hate today. I usually spend the entire day crying. I don't want to do that around her. I don't want her to think I'm weak. I went downstairs and stood behind her. "Are you feeling okay? I'm sorry if you don't like people asking that," she said. I put my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder, tilting my face to look at her. "It's okay, you can ask," I mumbled, "I'm okay. I think," I answered. She turned to look at me and pressed a kiss to my cheek. "I love you," she said. "I love you," I replied. After breakfast, we hung around her place for a little longer, and then when it turned noon, it was time. I slipped into my clothes from last night and she got dressed and we walked to my house first. We went inside and I saw the flowers. I order flowers every year. I went upstairs and quickly changed before coming back down. She was grazing the flowers with her fingers with a sad smile on her face. I walked over and picked up the bouquet. I grabbed my keys as well and led her out. We got in the car and I drove us out to the cemetery we had her buried in. I remember her funeral being the most of our families have ever argued. Her parents wanted her buried in California, where they lived. Dad wants her buried here, where we lived. I wanted her in California because I don't want to stay in New York. I never did. I was just here because my dad was. Eventually, I want to go back home, just like Alex does. At least after high school. I parked the car and turned to Alex first. "Maybe you should stay in the car," I breathed out. "Okay," she nodded. "Wait, no. Maybe you should come with me." "Okay," she nodded again, "Whatever you want." "I just- no one's ever been here with me. And no one ever sees me like this," I mumbled, hitting my head against the headrest. "Carter, that's okay." She grabbed my hand. "If you want me to come, I'll come with you. If you don't, then I'm fine waiting here. And Carter, everyone has moments like these. Where they cry." I turned to her. "Everyone cries, everyone hurts. It's perfectly okay," she paused, "It doesn't make you weak. Carter, it makes you human," she whispered. I ran my palms over my face before sighing. "Okay," I nodded. I stepped out and got the door for her. She stepped out and locked her hand with mine while I walked us over. Once we walked over to her grave, she sat down on the grass. I looked down at her, a little surprised at how normal she was behaving. She patted the spot beside her and I sat down. I set the flowers down and we just sat in silence for a long time. "If you want to talk to her, I can wait in the car," she whispered. "That's fine," I mumbled meekly. "Do you have any idea how much she would have loved you?" I chuckled, looking at Alex. "Really?" she asked. I nodded, "Of course, why wouldn't she? You are exactly the kind of girl she always told me to find and keep. She would hurt me if I ever hurt you," I said. I could feel the lump forming in my throat and I hated it. "I would take you to meet her immediately," I said. "Well, you brought me here now. Hi, Mrs. Reed," she spoke to nobody in particular. Just into the air. "I really miss her," I mumbled, that one tear betraying me and falling out. "Tell her." She gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. "I miss you, mom." My shoulders fell like a weight had been lifted off and I heard my voice crack. I don't even wanna know what she thinks of me right now. She linked her arm with mine and rested her head on my shoulder. "What do you like, Mrs. Reed?" she asked before peering up at me. "She likes painting and sculpting. She likes to dance around the house as she makes us dinner. She thinks cooking without music is a sin. She likes making me do the laundry," I laughed, "She likes seeing everyone happy. Oh, and chocolate chip cookies." "I think we all like chocolate chip cookies," she smiled. "Who doesn't? I think you would have really liked her cooking, mom. Especially the chicken wings," I chuckled. "You barely even had them, but okay," she laughed, "And I think you could beat me with chicken wings, Mrs. Reed," she replied. "Mm-mm, your chicken wings are better, sorry mom," I mumbled. She smacked my arm and laughed with me. After a minute we both fell into silence and just stared at the grave. "Do you wanna lie down?" she asked. I sighed while resting my head in her lap as she began running her fingers through my hair. "I really wanted you to meet her, mom," I whispered. I always wanted to see the look on my mom's face when I brought home the right girl. If only I had spoken to Alex earlier, I could have saved so much time. I clutched onto Alex's hand and pulled her arm around me, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. "I wish I had you earlier, I could have made her happy," I glanced up at Alex, feeling my eyes watering again. "She's happy, Carter. She's looking at you right now and she's happy. She would be happy if I wasn't here too. She's happy to see her son, Carter," she said softly, leaning down and kissing the side of my head. "But I miss her, I want her here," I said while wiping my eyes. "She's here," she whispered, "She's right here." We stood in front of her door, waiting for her to kiss me goodbye. "Are you okay?" she asked, standing on the step above me and even going on her toes to act taller. I nodded, "Yeah." She stepped forward and put her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a tight squeeze. We both let out a deep breath together, slightly rocking back and forth. "I love you," she whispered before kissing my neck, sending chills down my spine. "I love you too," I said. "Do you wanna stay here? Or do you want me to come over?" she asked, pulling away only enough to look at me. I slowly shook my head, "I'll be okay. I promise." "Call me if you need anything. Or just ring the bell, I will answer it," she said, pecking my lips. She pulled away but I pulled her lips down to mine again. "Thank you," I said when I pulled away. "Anytime." "Why?" I whispered. "Because I love you, dummy." . . . .