Chapter 21: Love

Gerard Point of View

I was glad when my brother Ronny called us all together at my father's house for a family reunion. It was difficult for me to resist Silvia, although I knew it was for the best. Not only to keep us out of the headlines from her, but also because I couldn't trust myself around her.

There was something comforting about returning to the house where I had grown up with my father. In many ways, he had been a shell of a man since my mother died, and at the same time he had dedicated himself to ensuring that his children had love and support, giving us as wonderful a childhood as he could without having our mother by his side.

The house was close to the beach because he loved surfing, and I hoped he would recover and be back in the sea soon.

We were on the back terrace where my father was sitting surrounded by my brothers Noah and Ronny. Carter was away at some kind of finance convention. We didn't sit around the table while we drank the cold drinks, enjoying the view and checking on my father. A crotchless woman who was about my age came out to assist him.

"Guys, this is my physical therapist, Jess," my father introduced us.

We all greeted her and after she settled him, she returned to the house.

"She's hot," said Noé when he saw the woman enter the house.

"She is here to help dad. So, both you and Gerard have to keep your hands off each other,” Ronny said.

I raised my hands in surrender.

"I haven't said anything. I haven't even looked.

Noah looked at me intently.

"So you and Silvia really are something, huh?

I shook my head, avoiding looking at Ronny in case he had any thoughts about me fucking his sister-in-law.

"No. We are not. "That wasn't a total lie. I needed to keep his distance from her.

"Liar," said Noah. Fortunately, he didn't say anything else.

My father was able to move the discussion onto other things, including his physical therapy and his prognosis for going out to catch waves again. He hoped Jess would give him all the rehabilitation possible to get back in the water as soon as possible. I was glad to see him optimistic about his chances of making a full recovery. After my mother died, there was a time when I believed he would never live again. So the fact that he didn't let this get him down encouraged me.

When we got up to leave, my father called me and asked if he could stay a little longer. I agreed to stay, but with a little concern about what he would want to talk about. My father was not one of those who interfered in our private life.

He came in and made him a sandwich. Then he took it out and sat with it to enjoy the day.

"Is there anything you need beyond what Jess can get you?" I asked, handing him a new drink. Maybe some modifications to the house or equipment?

My father shook his head.

"I'm experiencing pain, but I'm seeing my way through it. Jess pushes me when I need to be pushed, but he is also patient. And the truth is, after losing your mother, the pain I feel now is minimal in comparison.

That was the exact reason why I was going to avoid Silvia. Of all the women I had seen in recent years, Silvia was the only one who followed me when I slept and attracted me to her during the day. There was too much risk that I would fall in love with her, and having already suffered the loss of my mother and other heartaches, I did not want to become like my father; live the rest of my life with a hole in my heart.

"Your grandmother is worried about the relationship you have with Ronny's sister-in-law. " I tried not to roll my eyes and racked my brain for a way to move on from this conversation.

"She asked me to talk to you about it, but that's not really what I want to talk to you about. Who do you spend time with, or who do you fall in love with..."

"I am not in love."

My father studied me for a few minutes.

"Well, I admit I'm a little disappointed to hear that." I know what happened to you in the past and I suspect that's why you insist on never falling in love again. I crotch the feeling. But there is nothing in life as sweet as being with someone you love. As hard as it was to lose your mother, knowing what I know now, I would do it all over again. She gave me so much joy and happiness when she was with me, and she gave me the four of you. I would never want to miss that."

"The difference is that I don't really know what she would miss me. It's not like I'm walking away from something like what you and mom had. "Also, it was slightly different. I'm sure my mother really loved my father. She hadn't cheated on him.

"Well, that was all, Gerard. You know that in business there is no reward without risk. Now I don't know if Katy's sister is the woman for you, but you are always going to lose the chance that a woman will be able to bring you the joy and wonder of life like your mother brought me if you fight to keep her away."

"I thought that you, more than anyone, understood You'd think it's not easy to put yourself out there knowing how much you have to lose. And to be honest, Dad, I haven't noticed you coming back. "I knew it was bullshit about my father, but it was a little hypocritical of him to tell me to get back into the swing of things when he hadn't and he probably never would.

"I admit my hypocrisy in what I am telling you. On the other hand, it is not the same. You have not experienced a love like the one I had with your mother and, although yes, the loss of her was devastating in my life, because she meant everything to me, I want that kind of love for you, Gerard. I want you to find a woman who loves you like your mother did. And yes, it is a risk. And you may get your heart broken many more times before she finds her, but I can tell you that the risk is worth it."

My father closed his eyes and tilted his head toward the sun, letting the warm rays warm his face.

"I'm going to tell you something I've never told anyone. When I met your mother, in many ways, I was like you. She had sown some oats and I went out with a couple of women who then changed their minds and crushed my heart like a bug. "He let out a small laugh, which surprised me because I knew firsthand that having your heart crushed like a bug was not fun". The truth is, Gerard, I had no choice but to fall in love with your mother. My heart dragged me kicking and screaming into that relationship, and thank God it did. I won't deny that losing her crushed my soul. It's not something I've fully recovered from, as I know you know. But when I look at you, I see parts of her in all of you, and it gives me great joy to see that she lives through you. In a couple of months, Katy and Ronny are going to have a child, and your mother will also live through that baby, and that fills my heart with joy."

I looked down because it was hard not to be swept away by the power of my father's words and his honest conviction in the power of love and my mother's enduring legacy. But I couldn't imagine putting myself out there and risking what my father asked me to risk.

"Now, as I said, Katy's sister may not be the right one for you, but she would encourage you to open your heart to the possibility of love. Because there is nothing better, Gerard. Really, it doesn't get any better than that."

That night, as I drove home, I thought about everything my father had told me. It wasn't that I didn't want to have what he and my mother had had, or even what Ronny and Katy had. My reluctance was that I was too cowardly to take the risk. There was not only the possibility of having my heart crushed, but also having to experience humiliation and shame. Silvia and I had already been exposed in a shameful way. We had already had to endure it once, I didn't want there to be a second.

On the other hand, I had to realize that there was a part of me that felt powerless to get Silvia out of my system. I had tried to resist it, then it had come back, and then I had tried to get it out of my system again. Now I was trying to resist her again and that wasn't working either, since all I wanted to do was go to her apartment to see her.

What really made me doubt the possibility of having something real with Silvia was the fact that I felt helplessly attracted to her. She, more than any other woman I had ever met, had the power to bring me to my knees. And despite what my father said about love being worth it, he wasn't sure he had the courage to take that risk.

But at the same time, I had discovered that I wanted nothing more than what my father said love could bring. He had to make a decision. I took out my phone and sent Silvia a message.