Chapter 177

Lily's POV

Judge Horne left the room to deliberate. She was gone for less than ten minutes.

When she came back, I could see the decision in her face before she even spoke.

"This court finds that William Ryan Carter's best interests are served by remaining in the primary physical custody of his father, Ryan Carter, at Silver Peak Manor."

The words hit me like a physical blow.

"Lily Parker will retain joint legal custody and will have visitation rights of three days per week, to be scheduled at mutually agreeable times. Ms. Parker will maintain decision-making authority regarding William's welfare, education, and medical care. However, primary residence will remain at Silver Peak Manor."

Three days a week. That's all I got.

"This hearing is adjourned."

The gavel came down.

I couldn't breathe. Couldn't move. Couldn't process what had just happened.

Andrea was saying something beside me. Something about visitation schedules and legal rights. But her voice sounded like it was coming from underwater.

I'd lost. I'd lost my son.

Outside the courthouse, the Colorado sunshine was too bright. Too cheerful. Wrong for what had just happened.

I stood on the steps, trying to remember how to breathe.

"Lily!"

I turned. Mom was running toward me from a taxi. She must have just arrived. She looked exhausted—her hair was messy, her clothes rumpled from the long drive. But when she saw my face, she knew immediately.

"Oh, baby." She pulled me into her arms.

That's when I broke. All the composure I'd held onto in the courtroom shattered. I sobbed into her shoulder, my whole body shaking.

"I lost him," I choked out. "Mom, I lost him."

"Tell me what happened," she said, her voice steady even though I could feel her shaking too. "Tell me everything."

"Three days a week." The words came out between sobs. "That's all I get. Three days a week. Ryan gets primary custody. They're keeping him at Silver Peak."

Mom's arms tightened around me. "That bastard."

"He stood up in court and said William needed to be there. For security. For safety." I pulled back, wiping my face with my hands. "He chose them, Mom. He chose Eleanor over me. Over us."

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." Mom's eyes were wet now too. "I'm so sorry."

"I tried." My voice was breaking again. "I tried to tell them I could take care of him. That I had a job, that you'd help, that I could figure it out. But they just kept saying the Carters could provide more. Better security. Better resources. Better everything."

"You're his mother," Mom said fiercely. "That should be enough."

"It's not." The words tasted bitter. "Not when you're going up against people with unlimited money and lawyers who can twist everything you say."

I looked back at the courthouse. Through the glass doors, I could see Ryan standing in the lobby. He was talking to his lawyers. Eleanor was beside him.

He looked up and saw me watching. Even from this distance, I could see the pain in his face.

I turned away.

"I need to see William," I said. "I need to go back to Silver Peak and see my son."

"Lily."

Ryan's voice. I stiffened.

Mom's arm tightened around my shoulders protectively. "You don't have to talk to him."

But I turned around anyway.

Ryan was standing a few feet away. He looked destroyed. His eyes were red, his face pale. He took a step toward me.

"Don't," I said. My voice came out flat. Empty. "Don't you dare."

"I had to keep you both safe," he said. His voice was pleading. "If something happened to you, if someone tried to hurt William—"

"You locked us in a cage." I was so tired. So empty. "You stood in that courtroom and helped them take my son away from me. Don't pretend this was about safety. This was about control."

"It wasn't—" His voice broke. "Lily, please. I love you. I love him. I'm trying to protect you."

"You're trying to protect yourself," I said. "From having to trust me. From having to let go of control long enough to see that I could figure it out."

Ryan's face crumpled. "I'm sorry. God, Lily, I'm so sorry. Tell me how to fix this."

I looked at him. Really looked at him. At the man I'd fallen in love with in college. The one who'd smiled at me over coffee and made me feel like the only person in the world.

That man was gone. Buried under layers of fear and family obligation and the crushing weight of being Ryan Carter instead of just Ryan.

"You can't fix it," I said quietly. "You made your choice. Now I have to live with it."

I turned back to Mom. "Let's go. I need to see my son."

The drive to Silver Peak felt endless. Mom sat beside me in the back seat, holding my hand. She didn't ask questions. She just held on.

"Three days a week," I finally said. My voice sounded hollow. "Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. That's when I get to be his mother."

"We'll figure this out," Mom said. But even she didn't sound convinced.

"How?" I looked at her. "They have everything, Mom. Money, lawyers, resources. I have nothing. I couldn't even afford Andrea without Megan's help."

"You have me," Mom said firmly. "And you have people who care about you. Megan. Ethan. You're not alone in this."

But I felt alone. I felt like I'd been fighting this battle by myself for so long, and now I'd finally lost.

When we pulled up to Silver Peak Manor, I was out of the car before it fully stopped. I ran up the steps, through the front door, up the stairs.

The nursery door was open. Soft afternoon light filtered through the gauzy curtains.

William was awake in his bassinet, staring up at the mobile of stars and moons rotating slowly above him. His little fists waved in that uncoordinated way that made my chest ache.

"Hi, baby," I whispered.

His head turned toward my voice immediately. When his eyes found my face, his whole expression lit up.

I scooped him up and held him against my chest. He made a small sound—not quite a cry, more like a question. I sat in the rocking chair and adjusted my shirt.

He latched on immediately. His small hand found my finger and gripped it tight.

"I'm here," I murmured. "Mama's here."

But for how long? Three days a week. Seventy-two hours out of one hundred and sixty-eight.

Less than half his life.

Mom appeared in the doorway. She came over and knelt beside the rocking chair, reaching out to stroke William's soft hair.

"Your mama fought for you today," she told him quietly. "She fought as hard as she could."

But it hadn't been enough.

William kept nursing, oblivious to how his entire world had just been decided by strangers in a courtroom. Oblivious to the fact that his father had chosen to keep him in this beautiful prison.

My phone buzzed. A text from Ethan:

[Megan told me what happened. I'm so sorry, Lily. Your position is still here whenever you're ready. The apartment is ready too. If you need anything—references, character witnesses, anything—I'm here.]

I stared at the message for a long time.

The apartment. The job. The life where I could support myself and prove I was capable.

But I couldn't have William with me. He'd be here, in this manor, while I lived in Denver and counted down the hours until my next scheduled visit.

I typed back: [Thank you. I'll need a few days to figure things out. But yes, I want to come back.]

Because what else could I do? Stay here at Silver Peak, living in Eleanor's house, eating at Eleanor's table, existing in the margins of my own son's life?

At least in Denver I'd have some dignity. Some independence. Some small piece of myself that wasn't defined by Ryan Carter and his family.