Chapter 24

*IRIS*

When I received the text on my phone, my eyes got misty. It told me that I was happy to hear from him. It told me that his effect on me wasn't going to leave anytime soon. Deacon was following me around all evening until I came back to my dorm which was after they cleared it for us to come back. Nothing of mine was affected, but I spent some time helping others with theirs. I hadn't spoken to Mage about what happened yet. I wasn't ready to talk to her. I knew she would have questions about the note, and I didnt want to answer them. I didn't message Ryker back automatically even though I wanted to. I thought it would make me look desperate. I looked at the message again. It seemed scatterbrained, nervous, and not really what I was used to getting from him. Deacon told me he had headed to the city for a while. I don't know why, and I shouldn't care. I told him I couldn't be a part of this, and I meant it. Didnt I? Why does chaos always seem to follow me around? When I was younger, when I left Ohio, and now this. I don't understand. I was 14 when I met Chaos. My best friend at the time had a cousin. His name was Mitchell. He was older than me and dangerous. He ran a club in town. I wasn't a normal 14-year-old girl. My mother was nothing like a mother. She was fun and high and in love every week. My father would call me on the weekends, he worked a lot, but I am aware if it weren't for his child support I would have been a homeless teenager. I already lived like one. I didn't want to be home, ever. I spent nights with friends more than I did there. Mitchell took me under his wing for a while, or that's what I thought. It's a story, a long one, that ends in a very confused and broken teenage girl. It's where I learned what a broken heart felt like. where I learned that men aren't always as they seem. It's where I decided to never give anyone the trust I gave to Mitchell. They stomp on it and throw it away. They all do.

I wiped my old tears from ancient memories and shook off the bad feeling whirling inside my stomach. I had my phone in my hand with an ache to hear his voice I couldn't understand. Was I drawn to the darkness, to the chaos? Was it something I was meant for? I don't know why it follows me. I moved across the country, and Ryker Lorcane with his dark mysterious past came into my life to suddenly create a new chapter of chaos.

Ryker. Delete. Delete. Professor Lorcane.. *damnit*

Ryker,

I have been fine since the fire, thanks for asking. I have asked Deacon to go home. He won't. I think he is my new best friend. I know you didn't mean for anything to affect me. I appreciate your message. If you need me, you can call as well.

-IRIS

I looked at the message, reading it about 10 times before sending it. As soon as it was sent I anticipated a response. I wanted him to call me. I wanted to hear him say my name. I wanted to know if he was okay in the city. I looked at my dorm door knowing Deacon wasn't far from the building. I grabbed a pair of slippers and ran out in pajamas and all. When he saw me coming he jumped out of the vehicle and ran up to me. "Are you okay Iris? What happened?" He grabbed me by my shoulders and looked straight into my eyes. "Iris?" He said my name again and I didn't know what to say. I ran outside without even thinking about what I wanted to say. "Nothing happened," I said finally after trying to bring my thoughts together. "Everything was great, and I ruined it. I got spooked by some fool who was trying to spook me. I let them ruin it." I said suddenly getting angry at some enemy that I wasn't even sure existed. I didn't know who they were, or why I got the anonymous letter. "I know you think you ruined something Iris, but you didn't. He would come back here for you in a second if you asked him to." Deacon said opening the car door so I could climb in. "Why would he do that? He barely knows me. I am not even sure why I feel this way. I just feel like I need him. What did he do to me?" I asked now almost screaming out of frustration. I am not sure I know whats going on with me. I was so angry over the letter I was ready to never see Ryker Lorcane again. I was ready to drop his class and erase him from my memory. "Why can't I just let this go?" I said calmer this time. "Iris, the connection between two people in a BDSM relationship is different than that of a normal relationship." He paused and stared at me contemplating if he should say more, "You were a virgin as well, weren't you?" When he asked me I felt my face flush. I nodded slowly. "You have a connection to him sweetheart. It's still quite superficial. You will get past it in time, but it might sting now. You have a decision to make Iris. This, with him, is not a half-in situation. Give him the respect of choosing exactly what you want, and give yourself the time to think it through right this time." I looked at him confused. What did he mean by "think it through right this time"?

He smiled at me, "a decision without hormones, and excitement. One where you know all the players, all the problems, and all the rules." I understood instantly after those words left his mouth. I nodded and smiled but sat in the car. I didn't want to leave yet. I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. I laid my head back and Deacon didn't complain. He just turned back around in his seat and turned his radio back on. He was playing a rock song. Something about learning to love something new. It resonated with what I was learning with Ryker. I looked at the clock realizing it was going on 1230PM and That I started a new week of school the next morning. I had missed so many classes being his assistant because he was supposed to mentor me through them. I closed my eyes and followed the beat of the music. I thought about the first time I saw him, on the beach. I watched as he watched me. I thought he must have been someone else's father. I remembered walking into his class just a week before now. He took my breath away. I could feel my hair standing on my neck just thinking about it. He was hyper-focused on me that evening in class. When Adam talked to me I watched closer this time, in my memory, as he strained to talk to the student speaking with him. He wanted to watch Adam, and what he was saying to me. I laughed in my mind, thinking of him being jealous of sweet Adam. The good guy. The one I should probably be chasing, although I don't think it would be much of a chase. He likes me, I already know that. I think Ryker knew that too. I think he was ready to give me to him like I was his to give. I spent only about 4 days with this man, and I am sitting here acting like I had spent 10 years with him. What was it about him? Was it the BDSM lifestyle I was worried about losing? I looked up at Deacon telling him I would be back.

I went into my dorm and looked through my closet. I found a small black dress, not the one from the restaurant, a different one. The one I got when I graduated to wear under my cap and gown. I can remember my mother telling me that I could wear it even though I am quite sure it was way too short. She just wanted people to give me money. My graduation money went towards her habits, and I took what I had. The money I had hidden from her, some clothes, this dress, and some stuff my dad got me, and left Ohio. Once I had the dress on, I put my hair up in a bun and threw on a smokey eye. I grabbed some old black flats, felt my legs to make sure I wouldn't stab anyone, and walked back out the door, I ran back in to refresh my deodorant and ran out the door again. When I got back to the car Deacon was staring at me. " I wanna go to one," I said closing the door behind me before giving him a chance to get out and open the door for me. "You wanna go where?" He sounded shocked and concerned. I smiled, "I wanna go to one of the clubs." I said smiling. I was ready to see the scene from a different view. He squinted his eyes at me before starting the car. "Iris, some of these clubs aren't safe for beginners." Was he trying to save me from something? To protect me. "I want to see it. I know you go to these places, Deacon. Show me what it's like?" I was asking this time instead of telling. He nodded and pulled away from the school. "We will need to head to the city, is that okay?" He asked me while he drove towards the freeway. I nodded in the rearview. Suddenly, I was getting nervous. My heart was pounding and my hands were sweating. I watched as the little college village disappeared behind us. "Can I ask why darlin? Why do you wanna go to a BDSM club?" Deacon still sounded concerned. "What better way to see if you are meant for a life like this?" I said swaying to the music he had playing on the radio. We rode for a while before I heard his phone ring and the radio turned into a deep voice saying my name, "Iris?"