Chapter 7: Chapter Seven

Laura refused to look at the grim pictures in the digital folder as she finished typing in the details for last night’s arrest. She didn’t need to. The images were burned into the back of her skull, along with many others, still faces and cold bodies, old and so very young. Her hand shook as she moved to push herself away from Detective Ryan Hamilton’s desk. She saw him approaching from the other side of the detective division’s bullpen, but wasn’t worried about him being upset about her making herself comfortable in his space. He’d be taking over the case, which made handing it over that much easier. No cutting corners, and he’d make sure the charges stuck. For the poor little girl.

And for Laura.

Ryan was a good man, the only brother she’d ever had since his parents had fostered her for five years. She’d gone from being an unwanted only child to becoming the only daughter in a law enforcement family. Her foster father had retired before she’d joined them, but her foster mother still worked as a police psychologist. Fredrick Hamilton had been an awesome “Mr. Mom,” while Debra Hamilton was her idol. Laura hadn’t had the grades to go into psychology, but she was happy to be a regular officer. She’d leave the suits and the deskwork to her foster brother.

Propping his hip on the edge of his desk, Ryan grinned at her. “Don’t you usually do paperwork in your car? Tell me ‘the boy’ didn’t take off with it.” Ryan had made quotation marks in the air at “the boy,” which made some of the detectives leaving late from night shift laugh. The others didn’t know about her relationship with Tyler, just that he was “a friend.” Who drove her a little nuts. Ryan’s eyes hardened when she scowled and turned back to her report. “Talk to me, Tallent.”

She spun in his black swivel chair and stood swiftly, not willing to waste time on the conversation. “Nothing to talk about, Hamilton. The report’s all ready for you.”

“And you’re in a mood.”

“What do you want me to say? It’s all a big joke. Why would a bunch of Cobra fans who call themselves cops do their damn job and make sure the players are held accountable for their actions?” All right, so much for not wasting time on this. She sighed and cracked her neck to release some of the tension that had gathered in the tight muscles. “Just drop it.”

“Naw, I don’t think I’ll do that.” Ryan followed her to the coffee nook, nodding when she held up a Styrofoam cup to offer him some amazingly crappy burnt coffee. He took a sip, regarding her curiously over the rim. “Is it the team you want held accountable, or the boy?”

“Don’t call him that.” Laura choked down the coffee black, not sure why it irritated her so much to hear Ryan calling Tyler the same thing she did. She did it without thinking, probably because she heard Chicklet calling him her boy all the time. Or just “boy” when she wasn’t happy with him. She sighed again and rubbed her hand over her eyes. “I’m only on my third cup today. And I’m on my period, so—”

“Enough said.” Ryan held his hands up like she’d just pulled a gun on him. He even backed up a few paces. His grin was back and he let out a soft chuckle. “I almost pity the kid, but just almost. What he did was stupid, but he’s facing team discipline. Let that be enough, Tallent. The team is held to the law, not to a higher or lower standard. The charges were dropped and you’ve seen it happen before. With worse than some rich guy’s car getting a little banged up.”

“Raif Zovko being rich doesn’t lessen the crime.”

“There was no crime.” Ryan squeezed her shoulder, his brow furrowed as he studied her face. She’d known him long enough to expect what came next. He was almost as good at reading people as her Mistress. “You arrested that little girl’s father and her brothers. Was hard to take them out of that house breathing when she wasn’t. We’ve all seen those kinds of bastards walk free after just a few years. Which isn’t justice, and then you feel like justice is never served. Don’t be that kinda cop, Tallent. You start trying to decide how much people should pay, and you’ll be one of those caught on YouTube beating some punk over a dime bag.”

“Oh fuck off, you know I wouldn’t do that.” She gave him a little shove, hoping he was wrong and she wasn’t somehow projecting her frustration over the little girl’s case onto Tyler. On the off chance he wasn’t, she’d take his advice and let it go. She was good at that. She’d done it with worse situations.

Speaking of which…

Taking a deep breath, she tossed her empty cup in the trash, then folded her arms over her chest. “What happened to that little girl was horrible. But the youngest brother—he’s only thirteen. I didn’t care at the time, but he was the only one who cried when she was pronounced dead.”

“Baker mentioned that. Actually, he asked me to take it easy on the kid.” Ryan arched a brow. “What do you think?”

“Do what you have to. If he testifies against the father, you’ll have a much stronger case.” And she knew that wasn’t what Ryan was asking. Maybe she should have more sympathy, but all she kept hearing was the sweet old lady who’d lived next door crying and telling all the officers how cruel the brothers had been to their little sister. The poor old lady was scared to death of the father, but she’d found her courage when she’d heard the screaming. All Laura’s sympathy went to her. And to the little girl.

Not that it matters what I think.

“Either way, you’ll have a social worker there during questioning.” Laura unfolded her arms and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “You can’t be an asshole. Pretend to be nice.”

Ryan laughed, calling after her as she walked away. “I’ll have you know I am nice, Tallent!”

She didn’t comment, but she smiled as she headed out to her unit. She couldn’t stay mad for long with her foster brother around. And being on the job made all the nonsense with Tyler irrelevant. No matter how horrible reality was sometimes, she couldn’t see herself doing anything else. The badge, the uniform, had kept her hopeful for her future when she finally stopped getting all depressed about her past.

She’d been raised to be a good housewife, and coming out as a lesbian had crushed her biological mother’s dreams of grandbabies. She’d known something was “wrong” with Laura before Laura had even figured out she was a lesbian. She’d told Laura’s father all the time “There’s something wrong with your daughter, Brian…” Not that Brian Tallent gave a damn either way. He’d ignored his wife’s constant lectures, the spiteful words every time Laura dared leave the house in jeans—

The woman had never lifted a hand to Laura, but she’d spent years making her daughter feel worthless. Debra Hamilton had spent even more time rebuilding the broken girl Laura had once been. But Ryan was the one who’d been there the last time Laura had let her past trip her up. Prom night and Fredrick Hamilton had stood at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes tearing as she descended, the look of pride more than enough to replace the one she’d always hoped for from the father who’d never bothered with her. Ryan came into the house just then, in uniform, grinning like an idiot and holding two corsages in clear plastic boxes.

“Where’s your date? I got her one too because I knew you wouldn’t.”

Laura stopped at the bottom of the steps, sure her cheeks were the same shade as her dress. “I didn’t ask her. I was hoping she’d ask me, but I’m not sure she knows I’m—”

“Damn, there goes my plan to get a picture with two hot chicks.” He winked and moved closer to pin the delicate corsage of baby’s breath to the silk strap of her dress. “Would it be weird if we took a picture together anyway? You look real nice.”

“Thank you, Ryan.” She was going to cry and ruin her makeup. Her brother was such a sweetheart. She wished she had asked Stacey to prom, if only to share this moment with her. Only, if she’d asked Stacey and they went together, people would know Laura was a lesbian. Because everyone knew Stacey hated men. But no one could hate Ryan. She hooked her arm to her brother’s. “It wouldn’t be weird at all. I want to remember this, and you look pretty nice yourself.”

“Why don’t you go to prom with your sister?” Fredrick asked after taking a few pictures. “That way she won’t have to be alone.”

Ryan gave her a one-armed hug and kissed her forehead. “She won’t be alone. Soon as she gets there, she’s gonna ask that girl to dance.” His tone went all protective big brother-like. “But you better tell her she can’t keep you out too late. And I expect to meet her because she gets the third degree—I don’t care that she’s a chick.”

Stacey had been her first love, but Chicklet was the only one who’d gotten Ryan’s approval. The two had always gotten along well, even though Ryan sometimes grumbled about their “open relationship.” He was only starting to accept how a poly relationship could be genuine. His habit of dating badge bunnies who fucked his “brothers”—other officers—made him wary whenever he spotted Chicklet with a man even in a nonsexual setting. Laura had only told him because he’d been suspicious of Sloan Callahan for the longest time, and she’d had to explain that Sloan and Chicklet were only friends. But Tyler was more.

Ryan only knew enough for him to assure her he didn’t want to know more. He was nice to Tyler when he came over for supper. He kept his mouth shut when he stopped by the bar and saw Chicklet toying with a male Dom or sub for a future scene.

But somehow, he never missed Laura being out of sorts because of something Tyler had done. He got the dynamics of their unconventional household. Maybe even better than she did. Just a glance from him told her she was acting grumpy because Tyler had been around for weeks during the summer. A smirk when she was in a good mood because Tyler was on a road trip.

And that was usually enough for Laura to stop and take a long look in the mirror. Chicklet loved Tyler. It was a fact, and Laura wanted Chicklet to be happy. Tyler wasn’t so bad. He could be thoughtful, like this morning, and hopefully he’d eventually grow up.

Maybe? Someday?

She groaned as she cruised down the road in her car, watching the streets as she headed to her first call. A simple eviction—she just had to make sure the tenants left with their stuff and didn’t damage the apartment. Nothing to get the morning with Tyler out of her head. Damn it, she almost felt guilty for being mad at him. Once the moving truck was gone and she was free to head out again, she wondered if she should call the boy and tell him all was forgiven. She slid into her seat and noticed her phone flashing on the passenger’s seat. A few texts from Tyler.

Tyler: Hey, is there any way you could meet me for lunch?

Tyler: It’s cool if you say no.

Tyler: I know you don’t have much time to eat… I could bring something. I’m really sorry. I was stupid and I hope no one bugged you about me. My agent gave me shit and he agrees with you. He thinks being in jail would teach me a lesson.

Tyler: OK, I’m gonna stop bugging you. Text me if you want. When you’re not busy.

Shaking her head, Laura sat back in the driver’s seat, still parked, and thought about how Chicklet would want her to reply. And came up blank. Chicklet refused to get involved in her relationship with Tyler. She liked for them to get along, but she wouldn’t force the issue unless things were unpleasant at home. Which wasn’t often. They both knew their roles and were happy with them.

If Tyler was her friend, she’d accept his apology. And maybe letting him into that role would make things easier. Two years of tolerating him as a roommate and the man in her Mistress’s life, but never letting him be anything more, was exhausting. Chicklet was happy when they were on good terms. Maybe this was the first step in making that happen more often.

She took a deep breath and turned her phone sideways to type.

Me: Lunch would be great. Not sure when I’ll have time, but I should be able to stop at my regular Tim Horton’s around noon. Meet me there and order me a panini. And one of those honey cruller donuts.

A few seconds later, Tyler replied.

Tyler: You got it! Thank you!

A few routine traffic stops and a robbery false alarm later and Laura pulled into the Tim Horton’s between home and the Forum. She’d texted Tyler again only minutes before, so he was still standing by the cash register, waiting for their order. He gave her a hesitant smile when she patted his shoulder before heading to a table.

There was a wistfulness to his smile that tugged at her heart. She blamed that on giving him the opening to be a friend. A friend she sometimes let fuck her because his dick was one of the many toys in her Mistress’s arsenal, but she would look past that. He was what Chicklet wanted, but he was a person, not a funky vase Chicklet had picked up at a garage sale that Laura had to pretend to like.

Two years was a long time to treat another human being like a temporary fixture. He didn’t seem to be going anywhere, and maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. She did have good memories with him. Her smile was genuine as he came to the table with a tray. She recalled something that made her laugh.

He cocked his head as he sat across from her. “Umm…you’re happy?”

“I was just thinking about that time I came home and mentioned a movie this little kid was watching when I busted down a door to a meth lab. I wasn’t the one who got him out of there, but I stood there just staring at him and the TV. And I had that song stuck in my head…”

“‘Part of your World.’ I remember that.” Tyler sucked on the straw he’d stuck into his iced cap. He scraped his teeth over his bottom lip. “You kept humming it and then you just looked at me and asked what the movie was. You wanted to tell the social worker because you were worried about him.”

“And you told me. So I told her.” Laura took a bite of her chicken panini. Swallowed, then sat back, picturing it all. “You were shocked that I’d never seen The Little Mermaid, so you got the DVD out of that bag you bring everywhere and you made me watch it.”

Tyler’s cheeks went red. “I didn’t ‘make you.’”

“You did too.” She put her hand over his and her voice was soft. “I’m glad you did. He was adopted, did I tell you? He’s happy.”

“You told me. And that’s good. He was so little and you had nightmares about him ending up somewhere bad.”

The muscles tightening in her back, in her chest, made it hard to breathe. She often had nightmares, and Tyler was a light sleeper. If anything, she should consider him a friend because he’d come to her room when they’d slept apart—or moved over to her side of the bed when they slept together—to soothe her. But to wake up in the morning and face the fact that the horrors of her job came home with her…

She couldn’t do it. And Tyler rarely brought up the nightmares, so she was able to forget them. Made her feel pretty shitty to have been a bitch to someone who’d comforted her in her darkest hours though. She owed him more than she’d given. Only…he was a boy. And she didn’t know how to relate to him. She’d never had a boyfriend as an adult. The problem with Tyler was she didn’t know what he was to her. He’d always been Chicklet’s.

“Can I ask you something?” Tyler stared down at his hands, clasped around his cup, his body still as he waited for her answer.

Perfect distraction. She put her elbows on the table and leaned forward. “Sure.”

“Were you there when Chicklet…when she sucked Raif’s dick?”

Laura giggled. So not a cop thing to do, but this was funny. Tyler hadn’t known Chicklet when their Mistress had made a hobby of bringing strong men to their knees. And how thrilling it was to feel the power flowing from a woman who had more alpha in her than most males.

“I was there. Raif has never submitted to anyone, but I think he’d submit to her if she asked him to.” And that would be fucking hot. Few men seemed strong once Chicklet brought them down, but Laura could tell Raif would still be a force to behold at her Mistress’s feet. She put her hands over Tyler’s. “Picture a hurricane smashing into a volcano. That’s what they are when they’re together. I’m not sure they’ll ever play together, but it’s fascinating.”

“She wants me to…” Tyler pressed his lips together so hard the color faded from them. He scowled at his cup. “She thinks I want him.”

“Do you?” She kept her tone neutral, but his admission had her thoughts all over the place. Chicklet had never shared Tyler with anyone but Laura. After two years, every scene with him was still a novelty. He was submissive enough to keep Chicklet interested, but wild enough to make Laura wonder if he’d ever truly submit. She didn’t understand how his being tame for short spurts could be enough. He was like a dog who’d never come when you called unless you had a treat to offer.

“I’m not sure. I want to say no.” Tyler shook his head. “I’m not gay.”

“Didn’t Luke used to say that?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. He fell in love with Ramos, and he’s never been into other guys. But Luke kissed me.”

“While you were both drunk?” She could see that happening. And Chicklet being okay with it. Chicklet had given Tyler a different set of rules than Laura. And Laura tried very hard not to mind. She’d never kiss anyone without Chicklet’s permission, drunk or sober, but she wasn’t the one who needed a fucking leash and constant reminders of what submission actually meant.

Chicklet, I love you, but why do you put up with him? She was happy her tone hadn’t betrayed her thoughts, but all the nice memories might as well have been erased. They didn’t mean a thing. Tyler was too random for her to ever understand him.

“Yeah…but I was trying to prove a point. Like you did—or maybe it’s not the same. You told me you dated a boy once. To make your mom happy? But you were never attracted to him—never even let him kiss you.” Tyler’s cup clicked as he dented the plastic with his fingers. “I was drunk and I thought a kiss would make things clear. But now I’m even more confused. When Luke acted like a Dom—”

“It’s different then. Any strong Dom, male or female, can get a response from me.” She had to make that clear for him, no matter how conflicted she was. The first time a male Dom had turned her on had made her question the hell she’d gone through identifying as a lesbian. She’d wondered if people were right. Maybe a good fuck from a man would make her “‘normal.” Chicklet was bisexual, but she’d explained that yes, Laura was a lesbian. And responding to a man didn’t make her any less so. Sex was physical. A man wasn’t gay just because he found another man hot. He could be bisexual, or straight, and still be attracted. His physical and emotional response to the same sex helped draw the lines. If any lines had to be there in the first place. “As for Raif, I wasn’t around him enough to say, but he could be playing on your submission. You’re the only one who can tell if there’s more there.”

“I don’t know if there is. She wants me to find out.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“I don’t know how. He’s a Dom. And he won’t go near me because I’m straight and…well, I stole his car and basically told him to fuck off.”

Uh…yeah. Not the best way to attract a Dom, even for a casual scene. A hardcore Dom like Raif wouldn’t accept a sub’s advance, and he wouldn’t approach a male sub who wasn’t sure of his own sexuality. She wanted to help Tyler as a fellow sub, because Chicklet wanted to see where this would go, and…well, her motives weren’t all pure. What if Tyler and Raif hit it off? What if Raif wanted Tyler for his own? If Tyler was happy, Chicklet would let him go. That had always been a possibility, Chicklet had trained both male and female subs before and set them loose. Tyler had been hers for a long time, but that changed nothing. Tyler had needed her. Maybe he wouldn’t anymore.

She sat back, considering Tyler, his forehead all creased in thought, his bottom lip red from his habit of scraping it with his teeth. Whatever her motives, he needed another sub’s take on this. And the advice of a friend.

It’s the least I can do. She gave him a conspiratorial smile. “You’re kinda a brat, you know.” She held up her hand when he looked ready to argue with her. “All the Doms see it, so you might as well use it to your advantage. You can’t come on to him straight out, but you can show him you’re interested. You kissed Luke, right? Could you do it again in front of Raif?”

“Hell no!” Tyler leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Seriously, the first time was weird enough. And I don’t think Raif would get all jealous and possessive.”

“You never know.” Laura shrugged, knowing very well she’d planted the idea in his head. All she had to do was give him a few other options to play with. “If he thinks you’re curious, that’s one obstacle out of the way. And then…I don’t know, let him see that cute butt of yours. You guys shower together?”

“Yeah, but we don’t hang around checking each other out.” He grinned suddenly. “You think I’ve got a cute butt?”

Her cheeks heated. Yes, she had admired his ass, tight, but just meaty enough to dig her fingers into—she could admire an ass like that on anyone. She waved her hand dismissively. “Doesn’t matter what I think. Hang around long enough for him to check it out. And make him laugh. You’re kinda easy to like when you’re being funny.”

“I have a hard time talking around him. ’Cept when I’m mad.”

“Don’t get mad. Every time he pisses you off, remind yourself you stole his car. And you want to fuck him.”

“But I don’t want to—”

“Oh, admit it. Or should I have said you want him to fuck you?” She winked and took a sip of her coffee. “Either way, I don’t think it will be that hard to draw his interest. And if you lose your nerve, just remember Chicklet wants you to see where this will go. Hear her whispering in your ear…” Her own heart started beating faster as their Mistress’s voice echoed in the depths of her mind. The same voice that made things she’d grown to believe were sins into devious delicacies. Made her fears tantalizing acts of lust. She was breathless as she spoke. “‘You know you want to do it. Just once, for me. If it was easy, the submission you offer would be worth nothing.’”

Tyler was holding his breath. He swallowed hard, then nodded. “Yeah. I can hear her now.”

“She said that to me the first time you and I were together.”

“I remember.” He enfolded her hands in his, stroking her knuckles with his thumb. “You were so beautiful, so untouchable. I already loved you because I saw how precious you were to her. I tried to be careful, but—”

“That wasn’t the game we were playing.” And I couldn’t have taken you being gentle. She made sure not to let it show on her face, but she winced internally. Him saying he loved her, which he often did in a casual way, always scared her a little. Made it harder to shut him out.

The comment about loving her because she was Chicklet’s put them closer to being on the same page though. Any tenderness she felt for him was for the same reason.

“Is this a new game, Laura?” Tyler stared at the table as though the answer might be written in the faint knife scars in the wood. “This whole thing with Raif? Is it like the parties you and Chicklet go to? Where she shows you off and lets others play with you?”

“I don’t know, Tyler.” There was a very real possibility that Chicklet would slowly introduce Tyler to that side of the lifestyle. If she thought he was ready… Well, it would bring him deeper into their world, wouldn’t it? Make him a more permanent fixture?

A voice on her walkie-talkie saved her from having to say more. The call was close enough for her to take it. She stood with an apologetic smile on her lips.

“Thanks for having lunch with me, Laura. And for forgiving me. And talking to me and…” He wrinkled his nose as he stood, looking so sexy and adorable she felt guilty for being so goddamned two-faced. She moved into him as he hugged her, squeezing him tight.

“I’m glad we worked things out. And…” She held him just a little longer, her eyes pressed shut as she kissed his cheek. “No matter what happens, you can always come to me. I’m here and I’ll try to stop being such a bitch to you.”

He laughed, his hot breath stirring her hair as he slowly let her go. “You’re the sweetest woman I’ve ever known. I know I’m a pain in the ass, but you’re never a bitch.”

She said goodbye, her chest tight as she made her way to her car. She couldn’t turn the key for the longest time.

Oh yes, I am, Tyler. She finally got moving, but the guilt never faded. Probably because despite it, she wouldn’t waver from this path. One where she and Chicklet continued alone. I really am.