Chapter 92: Inseparable

Nash

I’ve never been the smartest guy, or even the strongest guy, but god dammit, I’d never been a f.ucking coward either. I regularly walked into places and situations that would make the average man p.iss himself, for good reason.

But I couldn’t face a woman?

It wasn’t the woman that terrified me so much, it was the feelings I got when I was near her. It was the pull in my stomach that made me want to be near her, the feeling that I wasn’t whole unless we were touching. It was the sick feeling I got when I ran away from her, a feeling that never quite left me, even when I was eating dust and swatting flies in Africa.

I tried to tell myself that I was doing the best thing for her, for everyone, for myself. I didn’t have the kind of lifestyle that allowed for intimate relationships. There were always jobs, the kind of jobs that I might not come home from. I’ve seen what happens to families when a soldier dies in the line of duty. I’ve buried enough of my friends, men I called my brothers. And I swore I would never do that, never put my family through that kind of grief.

And I didn’t want to be sitting in some s.hithole on the other side of the world, worrying about a wife or a kid, wondering if she was feeling sad or lonely, wondering if my kid had eaten dinner and done his homework. Those kinds of distractions could get a man killed.

I had avoided all romantic entanglements. I took women to bed, though not often, and not recklessly, but I always made it very clear that there was nothing else on the table. I wasn’t trying to be an a.sshole, I just knew I had nothing to offer a woman. And I sure as hell didn’t want to leave some kid behind, hating me, resenting me, while a single mom struggled to raise him.

I knew what that was like, first hand.

But nothing I did could get my mind off of one tall, gorgeous brunette werewolf. The fact that she was a shifter didn’t change how I felt about her. I still craved her, even though her supernatural status made a relationship even more impossible. I was surprised she’d even taken up with me.

Most of her kind tended to look down on ordinary humans as a weakness, a liability.

Maybe they were right. Because the moment I saw her up on that stage, smiling so brightly, holding her degree in hand, I’d gone soft and weak. All I wanted to do was jump up on that stage and wrap her in my arms again. F.uck all the people who were sitting in the auditorium, I was ready and willing to give them a show, just to taste her lips one more time.

I didn’t understand what was happening to me. But I couldn't keep fighting it.

And that man sitting in the audience? Who the hell was he, and why did he make me feel like I had just stepped off the tilt-a-whirl? I didn’t even have the bandwidth in my brain to think about that.

All I knew was that I needed to see her again. No, seeing wasn’t enough. I needed to touch her and talk to her. Now that the bear issue was cleared, I could come clean to her. I could explain to her why I was undercover at the university, without revealing my connection to Alpha Josiah. She was a werewolf, she would understand the need for secrecy and discretion in those matters.

She might understand, she might even forgive me, but then what? Would that make me feel better? Would that let me get on with my life and my work without thinking about her every goddamned minute?

Something told me it would never be enough, I would never be satisfied. The thirst would never be quenched.

So I went back to Bleakley house. The place was all but empty, most of the kids had already packed up and left for the summer, only a few stragglers remained. “Hey, Nate! You’re back!”

“Yeah, I’m just, uh, passing through. Is Daphne around?”

“Nah, she packed up and left a few days ago.” I heard the words, but I had to climb the stairs and check for myself. The room we had shared was completely empty, just two beds with bare mattresses, empty shelves and vacant desks. It was almost like we had never occupied the space at all, except for the four books remaining on the shelf on my side. Three philosophy text books, and the guidebook on North American Bears.

I walked over and took it off the shelf, flipped through the pages to the glossy section of photos in the middle. I’d looked at the pictures of eastern black bears so many times that the book naturally broke open in that section. I remembered what Kodi looked like as a bear: big, muscular, with a sleek blue-black coat and dark, glittering eyes. Beautiful and dangerous.

And I remembered what Daphne had looked like as a wolf too, in that brief moment when she’d hurled herself at the bear to save my sorry skin. She had risked her life to save me. I had said thank you, but that wasn't really enough. I owed her now, a debt I could never repay.

I took the book with me when I left the old house. I jumped back in the van and set a destination on my GPS. The Valiant Mountain pack wasn’t marked on any map, but they had a distillery where they made their world-famous blackberry brandy. I figured the pack house couldn’t be far. I had located a large building on the mountainside that I suspected might be the place.

I put the jeep in gear and headed in that direction.

I had to see her, we had to figure this out. We had to talk. I needed to understand what was happening, find a solution.

The problem was, even when I passed the boundary into her pack lands, I already had the distinct feeling I was going in the wrong direction. I was stopped at a gate by two uniformed guards. They looked at me with suspicion as I rolled down my window.

“Sorry, Sir. This is private property.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m uh, I’m here to see Daphne Redhawk.”

The two guards exchanged glances. “Wait here.”

They went into the little guard shack, and I guessed they were probably calling my request into the main building. A moment later one of them came back out, and leaned down to my window. “Ms. Redhawk is not at home.”

“Oh,” I felt like the guard had jammed his fist into my stomach. But I knew, didn’t I? I’d had the feeling for most of the drive, feeling like I was moving away from her, not toward her. “Do you know when she’ll be back?”

“I’m sorry sir, I do not have that information. I’m going to have to ask you to turn around now, and head back to the highway. This area is not open to the public.”

I considered my options. I could find a place to stash the car and try to sneak onto the property on foot, but I was probably no match for werewolf guards that could sniff me out and chase me down. Besides, I knew the man was telling the truth. Daphne wasn’t there.

“What about the brothers?” I tried one more time. If I could talk to her brothers, maybe I could convince them to tell me where Daphne had gone.

“The Redhawk brothers do not see anyone without an appointment,” the guard informed me impatiently. Near the guard shack, a third man had appeared, and all of them were eyeing me with growing suspicion and hostility.

“Yeah, okay,” I finally gave up and put the Jeep in reverse. I leaned my head out the window one more time. “Hey, if she happens to come back, will you tell Daphne that her roommate is looking for her? I need to talk to her.”

The guard gave me a bland look that made me suspect that he had no intentions of passing on my message. He was probably wondering why this dumbf.uck hadn’t just taken her phone number.

I couldn’t exactly explain to him how phones can be hacked, and phone numbers can be traced. I’d already ditched the burner phone I’d been using on campus. I sighed and turned the car around, and braced myself for the long drive back to human civilization. But those were all lame excuses. I should have taken her number.

But no matter. I was a resourceful man. I had a lot of ways to track down a woman who didn’t want to be found. Even if the woman in question was a she-wolf.