Feeling Connor’s kiss is very... Strange. His lips are soft and taste like... I have no idea what. I’m not returning the kiss; I think this is a mistake and that I’m a terrible girlfriend because until yesterday Kayler asked me to be his girlfriend, and it took him a lot because he’s not really the type to do that. And that’s saying something. Connor pulled away from me slowly when he saw that I wasn’t reciprocating.
I pressed my lips into a thin line.
“Connor, this isn’t right...” I murmured.
The atmosphere had become tense.
He nodded repeatedly and rubbed his face.
“I understand,” he said. “I understand,” he repeated.
He quickly stood up and headed for the door. He opened it but before leaving, he turned to me.
“I’ll see you later, okay?” He tried to smile, but it didn’t come out.
I stood up and walked over to him.
“Yes, that’s fine.” I took the doorknob, watching him leave. “Connor,” I called. He turned to look at me. “Don’t disappear, okay?”
He smiled slightly.
“I won’t.”
He walked away with his hands in his pockets. I just hope that one day he finds someone he can be happy with.
***
I’ve spent the whole afternoon waiting for Kayler to come. I thought he would come quickly when he found out that Connor was with me, but no, he hasn’t come all afternoon, and it’s very strange. The night is falling, and Mom should be arriving soon. I didn’t want to call him because I have no idea what to say. I headed to the main bathroom because I couldn’t hold it anymore. I opened the door and sat on the toilet.
I checked my phone again, and there’s not a single message. I want to call him but at the same time, I don’t. Besides, I don’t have to explain myself to Kayler. Just because we’re dating doesn’t mean he can control me every hour and tell me who I should be with and who I shouldn’t. For example, Connor is my friend, and that’s how it’s going to stay.
I left the bathroom and went to the living room. The solitude in this house was obvious; my only neighbor is Kayler. With everything that happened today, I had forgotten that we were spying on Kayler. What if Connor told him? I hope not. Passing by a window that overlooks the dock, I stopped in my tracks, took a few steps back to see who was there. There was someone, yes, it’s him. He had his hands in his front pockets and a cigarette in his mouth, watching the lake or... Waiting for me.
I half-smiled and went towards him. I had on a sweater but was still very cold, so I hugged myself and walked over to him. I already knew he was expecting me; sometimes I’m scared of what Kayler might know or... Do.
I stopped next to him, not saying anything, just standing in silence. Is he angry? He can be very jealous sometimes.
“Do you want him?” he asked out of nowhere.
I looked at him immediately.
“What?” I blinked several times to understand what he was trying to say.
“The stupid Connor,” he exhaled smoke and threw the cigarette into the lake. At least he did something good about the cigarette, but contaminating the lake is wrong; some fish might eat that cigarette. He looked at me. “Do you want him?”
I can’t believe he’s asking me this. His gaze isn’t the same... It’s darker, more intimidating. He’s angry. That’s it.
“Yes,” I admitted. I could see his gaze faltering. “I want him like a brother. He’s a good friend and I appreciate him a lot.” I smiled.
His gaze met mine, and I could see a half-smile from him.
“Alright,” he murmured. He looked up at the sky.
I did too. It was cloudy, so the moon and stars weren’t visible. It seemed like it would rain today as well, which reminded me of what Kayler’s father said.
“Hey, are you coming today?” I wanted to know.
“That’s not something you ask,” he looked at me, smiling. God, that smile melts hearts.
I smiled too, a bit confused.
He came closer and hugged me, holding me so tightly that it even scared me. I hugged him back.
Kayler, you’re making me fall for you even more.
We separated.
His hand was on my waist, while with the other he stroked my cheek, getting closer until we kissed.
And that’s how I’d like to end all my days. With him.
***
Friday.
The alarm on my desk went off, making a super annoying noise. I had set it earlier because today is the day my class and Kayler’s class are going to Johnson High School. My old school. Where my ex-friends are. Where my ex-boyfriend of years is. Oh God, I just hope this day doesn’t end badly.
I got up, rubbing my eyes; the sun hadn’t even risen yet, it was still dark. I walked slowly towards my bathroom but stumbled along the way.
“Damn...” I murmured softly.
We’re starting the day off badly.
I stripped off all my clothes and took a shower. I let the hot water run over my body, lathered up, washed my hair, and finally rinsed off. I grabbed the towel and left the bathroom. I had already prepared my clothes since last night. These days have been somewhat... Normal. The atmosphere seems calm and it’s very... Strange. Connor has been the same as always, Anne has been talking to Apollo these days, and Kayler has been less manipulative but also somewhat worried. I’ve noticed that.
I put on my panties, bra, applied some lotion to my legs and arms, and chose a dress that reaches below my thigh, in pastel pink, long sleeves, and a flared skirt. I like it. I chose white Converse shoes, yes, I think they match the dress. I brushed my hair, leaving it loose, put on some makeup, and went downstairs to have some coffee. I had agreed with Kayler that he would drive me to school, though that’s nothing new; he would leave the car in the school parking lot because afterward, we would go on buses. The downside is that Kayler will be on the other bus with Paige.
I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Good morning, Carolina.” My mom greeted me as she entered the kitchen with her hair disheveled.
“Good morning,” I said, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Aren’t you excited to see your friends again?” she smiled, resting her elbows on the small kitchen island.
I half-smiled.
“Yes, I’m very... Excited.” I faked excitement.
“I imagine they’re excited too, because you must have told them, right?” She looked at me.
I blinked several times.
“Yes, of course, I told them.” I didn’t tell them, left the glass in the sink, and headed upstairs to my room.
“That’s great, I’m glad you haven’t lost touch and that you’re still good friends.” She said. My mom sometimes gets too excited and doesn’t know how to read my expressions.
If only she knew that they’re the ones who forgot about me. Only one miserable message has come through since I moved here. I miss them; I even posted a photo with them on Instagram when I first created my account. No, they didn’t see it.
“Yes, Mom, it’s great. Well, I’m going to get my bag, Kayler should be here soon.”
“Alright, I’ll be here when you get back. Take care.”
“Yes.”
I quickly went to my room, brushed my teeth, grabbed my backpack, and went downstairs. I heard the horn of a car; he had arrived. I opened the front door and saw him. He was leaning against the front of the car, as always with a cigarette in his mouth. How I hate that he smokes.
I walked over to him.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t do that in my presence,” I said.
He exhaled smoke and looked me up and down.
“Relax, I’ll throw it away now.” He smiled sideways and, as he said, threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. “Happy now?”
“Yes.”
He came closer and gave me a sweet kiss on the lips.
“Today I’ll get to know a part of you,” he whispered in my ear. “I’ll see the high school where you studied, meet your friends, and... I hope there are no ex-boyfriends or annoying ex-lovers.”
I tensed.
No, I haven’t told him about Will, I haven’t mentioned that probably the last time we met he told me he would always love me, and the worst part is that I told him the same. I don’t know how he’ll react when he sees me; I don’t know if he still thinks that maybe there could be something between us. Oh God. I still think this is a bad idea.
“No, there isn’t,” I replied.
And I regret saying that. Ugh, this is going to cause problems.
“Alright.” He walked around the car. “Let’s go.”
I nodded as I walked to the car and got into the passenger seat with a lump in my throat.
“Ready?” he asked, starting the car.
No.
“Yes.”
Alright, Johnson High School, here I come.