I still stayed up all night thinking about him, I kept thinking about his expressions, his smell, the way he touched me, the strength he used to hold me without seeming violent, but just enough to make it clear that the situation was in his control.
What was going on? Was I in some sort of hypnotic trance where my personality was now submissive? But I loved the feeling of not having to deal with a wimp like David, my former fiancé, was.
I lay down on my couch sure he was watching me, I found myself putting on my best lingerie to lie down (Without any intention) on my couch, I poured myself a glass of wine again, and this time I didn't catch it. a blanket that covered some part of me, I lay down on the couch as if I were acting out a commercial for him. I felt pathetic at times, but you know, fuck, he's the one who installed the cameras, right? The despair was his, not mine. At least I tried to look at it that way.
My phone vibrated, and that's what I was expecting. I knew at some point he would.
00:00 Unknown: You look hot Lauren, By the way I will correct you, you are very hot Lauren, but it won't work, I already told you what you need to say.
Lauren fucking obvious as usual.
I pouted at the same moment, and finally decided to go to sleep, there had to be some way for me to get out of the situation and I would find out.
This situation gave me a confidence that I didn't even know I had, I lived a life in Amelia's hem all my fucked up high school years, but don't get me wrong, I don't have a vocation for suffering, I was more inhibited, let's say so, just that, it's not like I was the ugly duckling at school, but I wasn't the prettiest either, it was just Amelia who had her glory phase in high school. I don't go out giving to everyone like her, so in that regard I was dumber.
I gave up and went to sleep, soon the day would dawn, and I would think of something interesting.
When the next day dawned I took a long shower, woke up earlier to do it without rushing, I wondered if there were cameras there too, but it didn't seem to be the case.
Dressed for work, I was up for some challenge. My cell phone vibrated and I answered the call without even paying attention to who it was.
- Hello? - I said breathlessly, with my hair still wrapped in a towel.
- Hi Lauren, Victoria went into labor, you're going to come to the hospital, right? - I thought about saying no, I swear I did. It didn't make sense to participate in a situation where I would really feel completely out of place, but I said yes to my brother. It was the best I could do. I wouldn't be guilty of yet another family crime.
I took everything I needed, and ran to the hospital, managed to notify my boss between one call and another from the magazine's editorial office. I got scolded, but I'd make up for it later.
I loved how everything revolved around my siblings to my parents, I know it was a grandson, but wow! They were flustered, and gleeful, the expression of extreme happiness I've never seen in any moment that had anything to do with me. And I didn't envy my brothers, don't get me wrong! That was indeed an important moment, but sometimes I wanted a little of that for myself, or at least just a little respect.
With each event in my brothers' lives they were moved. My parents didn't go to my graduation, and they only celebrated when they thought they were going to get rid of me through a pompous wedding. And yet, I remember they only hugged David and not me.
When I walked down the hall finally the eyes turned to me, my angry father, my sly mother, my cheerful and arrogant brother and his little sausage water wife were there, with their judgmental looks and lack of what to do. Mentally cursing me, the shaky link in the family... I bet that's how they thought.
- Hi guys, good morning. - I greeted without grace.
- We've been here for at least an hour, can you show some respect for your family Lauren? - Said my father with a face of hate and disapproval - Doesn't your sister deserve respect?
- I was going to work, I messed up to be here! - I said looking for some support around me, but there was my brother supporting me with his eyes and not with his voice, his wife, who I didn't even count on as a human being because she was so dull, pretending not to be in that environment.. . What the hell!
- You should be ashamed, stabilize yourself... Get married, have a less bohemian life! - He said that, and I was ready to answer, what is the deal with these people with their children? Does everyone have to be exactly the same? Old turf from hell! I noticed that everyone was looking at something behind me, but I didn't know what it was, but when I felt warm hands on my waist I already knew. I already knew them from last night. I felt my heart race at the same moment, his scent hit me like lightning at the same moment.
When I turned around there he was again, what was he doing there? I was embarrassed, and I understood absolutely nothing, would I be threatened now in front of my family? Was he going to shoot everyone? Take the pregnant woman hostage maybe? I didn't know, I didn't even really know him.
- Vicenzo...- I said scared - What are you doing here? - My eyes were wide, I was sure, my voice came out too high and thin, and my breathing was terribly uneven. Has anyone noticed? It crossed my mind.
- What do you mean here Lauren? - He said still holding tight to my waist, his body was leaning against mine completely, he only let go of me when he walked to where my parents were - Nice to meet you, I'm Vicenzo, Lauren's boyfriend.
What? Where did he get that ridiculous staging? Especially for a lie-sniffer like my father? He wanted to wreck my entire life over a quote in an article I didn't even publish? Good, but who expects common sense from a criminal? Well, I sure as hell don't!
- Lauren didn't tell us anything about having a boyfriend... - Said my mother with a limp smile on her face, I wanted to say "But I don't say anything, about nothing to you my angel", but I restrained myself, Vicenzo was smiling , perhaps the most beautiful smile I had ever seen in my entire life. My father greeted him, and his expression became even lighter, I almost laughed, imagine if he knew that his ray of hope is actually a criminal? such a disgrace to the family name, he would say that with absolute certainty. He responded to my mother politely and politely. He shattered all my stereotypes up to that point.
- Oh, Lauren is like that, she doesn't like anything that is intimate being exposed - He teased - I myself only found out about the baby's birth because I'm nosy. By the way congratulations! - In that he was absolutely right! I was still petrified, out of place in front of my family, and now in front of that known/unknown that gave me chills.
Vicenzo greeted my brother and the alien he insisted on calling his wife, and turned to me.
- Lauren, let's go with me to the car. I forgot my wallet inside - He said with a smile that didn't suit him because it was so open. That wasn't him, I saw him last night and he had nothing to do with this one today.
I went without refusing, I walked down the hall while he took my hands to keep that scene worthy of the worst series in the world. As soon as we rounded the corner I let go of his hand, crossed my arms and glared at him demanding a decent explanation for what had happened.
He stood there looking at me, he wanted me to talk, he wanted me to say something to get him mad, it was obvious! So I answered his expectations.
- What stupidity is that? Do you come to the hospital to do this? Lie like that? My God in heaven, I did as you said, I left you alone, I didn't publish shit about the damn favela, or about the mafia or whatever white collar, I don't even know how many crimes and criminal organizations you're involved in anymore, but man i did the stripe. And now you've installed cameras in my apartment, you've been following me... What's up with you? - I spoke without fear, haughty as always. At least that's what David told me, that I was a castrating woman, always talking like the mistress of reason and never listening to anyone.
As soon as I said that he walked over to me with the look of anger, pulled me into an empty room and closed the door behind him, acting like he owned the bloody hospital. Finally alone, he continued with that pitiless look at me, when he finally got close, he pressed me hard against the wall, he was so close to me that I could swear he could feel my heart racing. Then he put his face too close to mine, his favorite provocation, he almost kissed me, but he didn't want that, he just wanted the provocation... The awakening of something he wouldn't give me. But it stayed that way... so... close.
- Don't talk to me like that Lauren, ever again. You don't want to see what happens if I lose my temper with you.
- And what happens? - I teased once more.
He took a deep breath, his breath warm again against my face, and when he bit his lip… God, I couldn't ignore it and look away.
- Don't tease me Lauren... I just came because you ran out of the apartment, and you didn't appear in the magazine, you didn't answer me and you didn't answer my messages.
- Well, it seems that the bandit doesn't know everything then? - I replied letting the words betray me too much, without thinking about the risk of answering him like that. But I wasn't going to be afraid, I couldn't be. -So tell me, what are you doing here?
- I want to know if you're going to do the story.
Ah so that was about it, he was worried about what I was going to say in my article, was that bribery? He didn't have any kind of fixation for me, or desire to be with me. He just didn't want me to help characterize him for what he is, a ruthless criminal! How had I forgotten about this?
- I hate it when you make that face Lauren, who knows more than what he wants to say. So just say what you're thinking of doing.
- You've seen me twice in your life and you think you already know everything about me? Is this some kind of joke? You're all over me for the story. You think I'm going to help the police get to you, don't you?
He got a little closer to my body with his, and laughed, I turned my face to avoid the irritation that he was mocking me, leaving my neck, better known as my Achilles heel, in sight for him, who just gave a light kiss, but enough to drive me crazy. I couldn't deny it, the feeling of feeling that man's body was something I couldn't describe with a thousand words, feeling his breath now against my neck... When he noticed that I had turned my gaze away from his, he he simply tugged at my chin so that I could face him without losing my composure. He drew me like a magnet, and the way he looked at me was enough to make me erupt.
- Do you still think I have some fear? I asked for your head in that bankrupt newspaper because I wanted it, because I have the power to do so. And not because I care what you write or let Lauren write. I really thought I was going to take you into the hill for something you caused yourself, it would be my perfect trap! But I'm cruel aren't I?
- What are you going to do Vicenzo? - I asked desperately, but still, keeping my gaze fixed on his, perhaps showing some false self-control. Damn, he smelled so good!
- You just need to wait Lauren, that's all!
He left suddenly, and left me lost in my thoughts, with that desire that was growing inside me, and when he closed the living room door I allowed myself to breathe the right way again.
I caught my breath with difficulty, glimpses of what I had experienced flashed through my head, and I felt my chest burn with desire.
I didn't know that feeling well, and that's why I feared it more than anything... even though I knew I needed to feel it.