Chapter 41

Betty.

When I opened the door, the plate in my hand nearly slipped from my fingers. Of all the people I’d expected to show up, it was Ethan.

“Hi… Ethan!” I blurted, my words tumbling out before I could stop them, I’d just been thinking about him minutes ago and now seeing him standing felt unreal like he had listened to my thoughts and decided to come.

“How are you?”I asked.

“I’m well, Betty,” he responded standing on my doorway. He wasn't in scrubs as usual, just a black T-shirt and a Jean trousers but that surgeon's aura still clung to him and that was one of the few things I liked about him.

A faint smile played on his lips as if he were amused by my reaction. Maybe he’d expected me to be more angry but we were far too mature for tantrums.

I straightened, setting my face into something serious.

“I…. “ I began then stopped myself immediately, speaking to him on the door felt rude, so I stepped back, ushering him in. “ Please come in.”

We may have broken up but that didn’t mean I could treat him like a stranger, after all we’d once lived in this very place for an entire week before later moving to his apartment.

The smell of butter and cheese wafted into my nostrils as I led him to the living room, my arms folded across my chest as I watched him step inside glancing around like he barely recognized this place, his lips curled upward as he sniffled.

“May I sit?” he asked politely. I nod.

“I see you have disposed of all the flowers!” he continued with a smile still on his face but it wasn’t out of happiness, I could see the pain evident on his face but I didn’t care. He caused all of this.

“They were already rotten. I was just too lazy to take care of them!” That was a lie, they were fresh as if they had just been picked, and preserving them was one of my favourite things to do. They made my house colorful so why not? But every time I looked at them, I thought of Ethan, the sweet memories we used to have before he ruined them.

It was too much, I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to send them to someone who actually needed it. Maya.

“Did you cook?” He asked changing topics as if he sensed the awkward air creeping in. He always did this whenever he saw I was getting worked up and that was one thing I admired about him.

“Yes, I made Mac and cheese, you want some? I still have a few left over…”

“Nah!” He cut me off, “ I’m already full, it just smells so good, you never disappoint in the kitchen.”

The way he said it almost made me blush. I could already feel the warmth rushing to my cheeks, his tone was so soft and warm, argh! Why did he have to be so violent? Why couldn’t I have it all?

Or maybe I was just choosing Michael over him. Nah! I almost slapped myself. I broke up with him because he was exhibiting signs of anger issues, which was a valid reason to end things.

“Well, I won’t waste your time. I came by to pick up my spare coat and my charger, mine just got spoiled recently.”

You could have just asked over text. You didn’t have to show up at my door without warning, what if I was with another man?

I slanted my eyes trying to get things straight. “You don’t have to stress coming all the way, you could have sent a deliveryman to come pick them up.”

A smile played on his lips, like he expected my question.

“Today’s my day off. So I thought to save money and just get it myself.”

That was a lie, he was rich enough to send a whole convoy to get them; this was just an excuse to see me, talk to me.

My lips quivered a little but I still managed to curl into a smile. Was that all? Just get his things and leave?

“Right. I’ll get them for you, do you want some water while you wait?”

He stood, “I’ll get it myself,”

I was going to object when he gave me that look that reminded me that he wasn’t a stranger.

“Cmon Betty! I still know my way around the house.”

I nod disappearing into the bedroom to fetch his charger from the locker it lay along other abandoned things, and his white dark pea coat from the waste bin.

Thank heavens I didn’t burn them.

As I strode back I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Was I nervous to have him around? Yes. Maybe I was. On his off days, we used to sprawl in bed all day long watching romantic movies and ordering pizza. Or we would fuck for hours nonstop trying out new styles.

And being the gentle man he was, he’d research new restaurants for us, we’d even dress to match, always making sure to try at least two new places each week.

It was our way of expanding our dates, and life with him felt perfect.

“Sorry for taking so long, here,” I said, handing him the items silently praying our fingers wouldn’t graze even by mistake. His touch always lit up a fire inside me. These days without him inside of me are harder than I thought.

Back when I was single I could control my urges or at least I had a rose, but now that I’ve had a taste of life with him? Damn, it was hard to come out of it.

“Thank you, Betty,” He muttered, folding the coat over his arm and holding the charger with his other hand. I had expected him to get up and leave, yet here he was still glued to the ground.

We both fell silent, neither of us saying a word.

Then he cleared his throat, breaking it.

“How is the student I….”

“Beat to a pulp?” I completed his sentence. And he was taken aback by that but then he still looked guilty.

The last time I saw Michael, his handsome face was unrecognizable.

“Well,” I straightened, crossing my arms on my chest. “He should be alive. Hopefully.”

I saw his jaw slack and his shoulder slumped, like he had given in to the resolve, he dropped the stuff he had on the wooden table like they didn’t matter.

“I’ll be honest Betty, I didn’t come for my things,” he confesses, his tone laced with gloominess. Well, I already knew that this was just an excuse to see me. “ I know I messed up. I should have ignored his ass…. This apology doesn’t matter because my actions almost caused you to lose your job, I just felt I needed to apologize. In person.”

I let out a heavy sigh looking away. I was speechless, with no words to say. “Ethan, I don’t know what you want me to say.”

He nods immediately, like he’d expected that answer. “ I get it, I made you feel unsafe around me. But… that wasn’t my intent, I’m not that person Betty.”

I looked him straight in the eye now, hoping to find the man whom I'd almost moved in with, who made me breakfast in bed and dropped me off at work now and then but then I also couldn’t stop seeing the man who lost his control and almost killed a boy who was half his size.

“I don’t know who you are anymore, Ethan,” I croaked. “Watching you beat my student… it just made me realize maybe we were taking things too fast. We have barely been together for a month and we have already moved in together? We aren’t even dating…. This isn’t a break-up…”

“Yeah you are right,” he ran his hand over his golden blonde hair. “You should be scared of me, I do have a problem. I’ve always tried to convince myself I didn’t have a problem but then… I can’t continue fighting it.”

“What do you mean?” At this point, I was confused.

“You must have noticed I never talk about my dad often, well he was abusive towards me and my mother, it was so bad that they had to separate, that should have been a relief but he won custody over me, he made my life a living hell and anger was the only way I expressed myself…”

I blinked, suddenly feeling sorry for him. No one deserved to go through this.

“I'm really sorry, Ethan.”

“No… You don’t have to be, I guess I never learned how to deal with the anger, I avoided going to therapy because I thought growing out of that environment would change me, but maybe I was wrong.”

“I had no idea, Ethan, if not I wouldn’t be so harsh on you !”I admitted.

His hands began to tremble violently. I didn't know when I stepped forward, my arms sliding around his body. He stiffened then sank into me. I could hear him sobbing.

“I’m sorry Betty, I wish I could go back in time to change things.”

“No it’s fine, you are safe here. With me.” I whispered into his ear.

That hug changed something inside of me, for the first time I wondered if maybe this wasn’t the end, maybe things could still be fixed, maybe my love and warmth could glue the cracks back together. Maybe this break was a test to make what we had stronger. Before I knew it, Ethan's lips had already found mine.

“Will you be my girlfriend, Betty?”