Chapter 23

BETTY

Once again, I felt like I had failed the people who helped me during the break up; like Dwight and my therapist, I hadn't followed rose advise to the end and because of that I avoided her for weeks, not due to my busy schedule, no, I avoided her because I was so embarrassed, embarrassed to admit that I’d slept with Adam.

The same man who broke me and made me question my worth. The man who almost took my life.

Every time I sat on my couch, I imagined I was at her office, sitting across from her, watching her click her pen, pausing on the notepad. Then she would gaze into my eyes with those hazel brown eyes, a mix of disgust and calm. “And how did this make you feel? Did it ease the pain you were feeling?”

That was what I imagined she would ask me.

And my response would be, “Yes, that’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

Maybe this is why I avoided her: I already knew the truth, even though it was wrong. I could feel it in my bones.

But I let it happen anyway because I couldn’t take the torment, he was the water I needed to quench the fire inside of me.

Or maybe I’m just attached to him after all Adam had a way of holding my life together when they threatened to fall apart, he had learned my routine, and whenever I needed someone to lean us he was always available, he knew my cracks my weakness and maybe he’s using this against me, funny, I know all this and I still let him in.

Still, I let him fool me twice.

I can still remember that morning like the back of my hand.

After a night of shared kisses and hot sex, it was morning now, the sun was streaming on the curtain painting the room warm and golden. I looked at my side hoping it was a dream, one of my dreams where he showed up and we made love till sundown, it wasn’t a dream, he was right here, still asleep, breathing steady and his brown hair disheveled, a smile escaped my lips. I should be happy with this, maybe satisfied instead I knew deep down I didn’t trust him fully. Something gnawing inside of me still wanted me to make sure he was being truthful.

That’s when his phone chimed on the table. I was going to reach out for it anyway. I paused, staring at it, should I be doing this?

But my mind moved before my head could think. I told myself, he would never know that this happened. I just needed to check to see that we were on the same page, and the chime? Maybe it was just a notification, spam, work, or anything insignificant. But when I swiped it, it didn’t take me to an email but to an SMS. I opened his text message.

I swallowed hard as I began to read;

‘Hey Natalie, please, forgive me, I need you back in my life, I’m sorry for going back to her, I only wanted to see the kids, I missed them so much.’

That was sent the day before yesterday.

My heart began to race and soon my vision almost blurred for a second as if those words hurt me but still I needed to know more, another text caught my gaze.

It wasn’t from Natalie,

‘You are a bloody liar, I’m so stupid to have believed you!’ - Anika.

Then another text from Natalie, “You are a joke Adam, Anika just forwarded me a picture of you both in bed, and don’t you dare tell me it’s old because you’re still wearing the shirt I have you, don’t ever text me asshole!”

I covered my mouth with my hands to stop myself from yelling, my whole body was vibrating out of anger and disappointment.

Am I being played? I thought he said she agreed to sign the divorce papers?

He told me he was done with her and he was free, was this a ploy made by him to deceive me into letting him in? My chest tightened as I held his phone in my hands.

And then, the last message from Natalie:

“P.S., I won’t be helping you edit that book, it’s not yours anyway.”

I blinked twice. What book was she talking about? All of a sudden the room felt so congested and my stomach crumbled like I was falling ill.

He had to explain this, so I went over to him, shaking him awake. “Adam, wake up!” I grumbled.

He moaned, almost half asleep. “Hey babe, what’s wrong?”

“Wanna know what’s wrong? this!” I shoved the phone in his face, “What’s the meaning of this?”

He grabbed the phone from me swiftly. “Why are you going through my phone?”

“Is that all you have to say?” My voice was cracking with anger and disbelief. “You told me she signed the fucking papers, you told me it was over! But your texts say otherwise, you still want Natalie back, and she ended things because you cheated on her with your wife! And the book…. What book Adam?”

He sat up, yanked the sheets away, his voice rising. “ Firstly, that's none of your business, you have no right to invade my privacy.”

“That's what you are worried about? Are you being serious right now” I yelled, anger simmering under my skin. I'm tempted to whack him so hard on the face. “I took you in when you were broken and wet in the rain. I believed your sob story….was… was any of this even real? Or was I just a means to an end now that both your lovers have turned you away?

Adam got up on his feet, looked me in the eyes, and began to slip into the clothes I had dried for him.

“Please say something….” I pleaded.

He grabbed his bag, avoiding my gaze. “Betty, you have been overreacting for a while now jumping to conclusions without knowing the real story, I thought we could work but it's obvious I was wrong.”

And just like that he was gone.

I threw a ceramic cup against the door and it shattered but something else was shattered too, my heart, I sank to the floor and cried like a child.

So when I said I still hate even after ten years, I wasn't exaggerating.

I wrapped up my lecture quickly, the lack of breakfast was beginning to affect me now. As I gathered my books on the table the students bounced out of the classroom. Maybe Michael left too. I wouldn't know because I was avoiding him, especially after what happened last night, I was afraid that looking at his chiseled face might jolt back memories.

I stormed out of the classroom straight to my office, maybe set some test questions, and then eat at the cafeteria.

But when I pushed the door open my heart skipped a beat.

On my table sat a bouquet of red roses. A neatly folded piece of paper was beside it.

My door wasn’t locked so whoever did this had easy entry to my office, I didn’t know whether to be angry or surprised.

With shaky hands smelled the flowers, I wouldn’t lie they smelled good I unfolded the note.

“It’s hard to focus in life when your soft skin and sweet voice are all I can think about.”