Chapter 21

BETTY

There was once a time I wished Adam could come crawling back to me. That was weeks after we ended things, and he had already moved on to Natalie so fast that I felt like I was going insane. It was pretty rough that I had to book an emergency appointment with Rose. I remember her stern eyes locking onto mine as she spoke.

“You need to go no contact, Betty. Give yourself that space to heal and shift your focus away from his life, that way it will help you detach.”

I adhered to her words and began this journey, at first it was unbearable, it felt like eternity. It was months of silence, no texting, no stalking, no late-night scrolling through his social media to see if he had updated his profile picture or broken up with Natalie.

I was convinced I’d die if I didn’t speak to him. Many nights I cried myself to sleep clinging to the beautiful memories we once shared, but strangely the silence didn’t kill me, instead, it taught me to love myself and always choose myself.

Even though half of the time I wish he would come knocking on my door, not because I wanted him back, God, no, he was a fucking manipulator, he was toxic and not good for me. But I just wanted proof, proof that he loved me enough to care to see that his actions hurt me.

Unfortunately for me, that wish came true. I overheard someone mention that he’d split with Natalie. She later tried to debunk the news of them being in a relationship of course to protect his reputation and hers yet she still branded him a snake.

I wondered what went wrong between them?

And were they not dating?

I promised myself that if he ever showed up at my door looking sad and sorry, I’d turn him away, I even rehearsed the words I’d say:

“It’s too late. You ruined what we had by lying to me, and no matter how much it hurts, I’ll always choose myself first.”

I wished I had stuck to my words because when the knock came at my door and I opened it to see Adam standing there, his white shirt soaked, his face drained off and his hair was an unconverted mess. My heart betrayed me, he looked like a stray puppy who needed tending. And that part of me that had sworn never to take him in…well, it vanished in an instant.

“Hey, B,” he whispered, his body slacked against the wall. “May I… may I come in?”

Inside my head I screamed no, in fact in my mind I slammed the door so hard it destroyed his teeth, but in reality, I stepped aside scrunching up my nose as he dragged his feet into my apartment, his eyes roamed the place, and a fleeting smile plastered on his face.“ Always neat as ever.”

“Here!” I hurled him a towel. “Wipe yourself off, you look terrible.”

“I know!” he muttered under his breath.

“What happened Adam?”

“She finally signed the divorce papers then she kicked me out and took everything from me including the kids!”

“Oh!”

To be honest, I didn’t know how to feel, whether to be angry or happy.

“I can show you proof,” he said trying to reach into his drench bag but I stopped him.

“That’s fine, you don’t have to show me proof because I don’t care, why are you even here? You should be with Natalie.”

“We were never dating, I only used her to make you jealous, deep down she knew no one could fill the void you left,” he says, gazing at me hard.

I went silent, part of me wanted to call him a liar but instead I smiled and busied myself in the kitchen, my fingers shaky as I boiled water for tea.

I brought some of his old clothes so he could change into them, then we sipped tea.

“I so much miss this, you always make the best tea, B,” he chatted.

I didn’t respond, I just pushed myself from the couch and turned towards the kitchen for another refill, rolling my eyes. Pathetic. He should have thought about all that before hurting me

Finally, we are sitting next to each other sipping in silence, then he broke it:

“What went wrong, B? We were so perfect together!”

I scoffed, running my hands through my hair, “Yet you ruined it!”

He leaned in, biting on his lip, “That wasn't on purpose, I was just really in a complicated place and I thought if I told you you wouldn't understand.”

“Right! We barely knew each other. I get it, but I would never hide anything at all from you.”

“I'm sorry B, can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

“I don’t even know if I can trust you anymore, after all, everything you’ve always told me is lies, how do I know your apology is genuine and not just another way to get into my pants?”

“You’re right,” he says looking down,” you have no reason to trust anything that comes out of my mouth but there is no one like you and that’s true, no one loves me like you do and you know it, if not what am I doing in your home?”

“Please stop…”

“And no one, I repeat, no one can make me forget you.”

A voice in my head screamed over and over again, he is lying, he is lying! And deep down I knew it wasn’t right, I’d made it too easy for him but a part of me didn’t care, I needed this, I’d been hurting for too long craved the soothing even if it came from him.

And just like that, I forgot everything my therapist had told me before I knew it. We were talking about the lies, the nights apart, everything that tore us open. Then our hands found each other and then… the kiss happened.

This was the rawest kiss I have ever had, it was driven by hunger and passion like two starved souls clinging to each other.

But that kiss… was also the start of my greatest mistake because it led to something else.

We both pulled our clothes off and I got down on my knees, I didn’t suck him for long for him to be raging hard. Almost impatiently, I climbed up with my knees on either side of my hips, I grabbed his cock and shoved it inside me slowly and a gasp escaped my lips as I did. I began to jump up and down on his cock gazing into those brown eyes, his face was red with pleasure, and he fondled my tits, which drove me crazy.

“Squeeze my fucking nipples!” I moaned.

“Suck them, lick them!”

“That feels good,” he groaned, “I think I’m about to cum!”

Immediately I feel his load pumping into my warm pussy.

The next morning, I woke up in tangled sheets hoping last night was a bad dream and nothing had happened but he was lying next to me, his heavy arms on my body, he looked so peaceful. I almost convinced myself that we were back together.

That's when his phone beeped.

I lifted his arms off me slowly and in curiosity I reached out for it.

What I see as the screen lights up makes my stomach drop. And instantly I regretted ever taking him back.

~

Years had passed, and my phone beeped while I was waiting for my ride. It was a silly message from him but I tossed it into my bag. Our time has come and gone, he had his chance but ruined it.

“Take me to Crawford Street please.” I sank into the backseat, slightly crouching.

I look out the window and Michael is out there watching the cab pull away.

Before I got in, we had shared a brief encounter, his touch had lingered on my face tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. I should have reacted furiously, or even slapped his hands away reminding him never to cross my boundaries.

But instead, a rush of wild tingling pleasure spread through me, almost consuming me.

Damn!

I’d let my guard down once for these men. There's no way I'm doing it again. I forced a smile and waved goodbye. Maybe I'd reacted that way because I was starved for sex, for intimacy, maybe it's time to get fucked!

Finally, the cab comes to a halt and I hand the driver some cash.

“Have a great day,” he says.

“You too!”

I stepped out, walking towards my apartment, my safe space, I flung my bag and books to the floor, hugging Kitty so tight before feeding her cat food in the kitchen, then stripping off my clothes. I step into the shower, damn that cold water sends chills down my spine, but in a good way.

I slipped into my robe and sank on the couch. Gossip Girl is on the screen, but I'm not watching.

My mind is still drifting back to Michael's gaze, those chaltrause eyes that almost enchanted me, the way they searched into mine as if hunting for some hidden treasure chest.

Stop thinking about him silly!

But it was too late, I already had goosebumps all over my skin now

But it’s too late, for me I could feel my inner thigh go moist from these hot thoughts.

My hands betrayed me as they slid down my stomach lower and lower until I took off my red lacy panties. His face appeared once again in my mind.

And just like that, I am touching myself intensely, shit, it feels good! I am getting so wet, the couch is drenched, I take some juice from my coochie rubbing my swollen happy button, at the same time I'm fantasizing about him fucking me in an empty lecture room, he is grabbing my hair while he thrusts his dick into my pussy, i wondered how his dick looked like, were they pink or purple?

My moans increase as I find myself hitting a climax, it's about to happen, I'm going to cum, his face is all I can see, and finally, I squirt onto the couch, finally the guilt returns.

“What have I done?” I pant, as I breathlessly stare at the TV.