Chapter 31

Pauline POV

I know I always protect myself from getting hurt by putting up walls whenever somebody's trying to flirt with me, but I also know that it's so easy for me to have crushes on other people. I am really that complicated and I hate it.

And now, I think I'm starting to have feelings for Madeline. I thought it was just a crush... a simple admiration, a simple feeling that will usually fade after days. But I was wrong.

This feeling grows day by day. The more I got to spend time with her, the more I could not resist the feeling of wanting her for me. I know it was pretty quick, but I really tried to erase this feeling.

I tried erasing it by ignoring her, by saying I hate her... but I always end up looking for her.

Just like today, my sister told me that Madeline and Bea's out today and she was not able to join them because she's busy. So, I followed Madeline... I also went to the mall. I saw them together inside a coffee shop.

I saw Madeline held Bea's hand... they are talking seriously. I wonder what they are talking about... but I'm also afraid to know because I might get hurt.

I know how much Madeline loved Bea... and I'm afraid for her feelings to come back because if it happens, I know I'll be out of the story.

I can still remember how I started to feel this way for Madeline... it was when...

(Flashback)

"Pauline, don't cry over him... he's not worth your tears. He's a jerk." Madeline said.

I looked at her. "I don't know what's wrong with me... why do I always end up being rejected by the one I love? Am I really not worth it?"

I felt her rub my back. "Shh... stop crying, Pauline. Always remember that a rejection is not a reflection of your worth. I know we just met but, I already know that you're a very good person... that you are worth it."

I looked at her. "How do you know I was worth it?"

She smiled at me. "Because your heart is so pure. I know that your intentions are always pure."

I felt my heart skipped a beat the moment she said those words.

"I hope you never have to question your self-worth because of someone's inability to see it." she said.

"Thank you... Madeline."

"No... I should be the one to thank you, Pauline. Thank you for existing... thank you for helping me love myself. Because of you, I learned how to value everything that I have. Thank you for being my comfort."

(End of Flashback)

It was that day... when everything started.

Madeline was the only one who made me feel this way... and now, I am so worried that this feeling I have for her might affect our relationship.

I think, I really have to let go of this feeling. I really have to erase it as soon as possible. I'm afraid of rejections, I'm afraid to get hurt again...

I am so afraid to know the truth... because I know to myself that Madeline only sees me as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.