Chapter 11: ~ Samantha

Without turning I addressed my ex-husband with great exasperation in my voice. “What are you doing here William?”

“We need to talk.” He moved closer to me and I took a step back.

“Please William, go!”

« I wanted to see you. »

“Well you have seen me, now you can go.” Still had my back to him. Trying real hard to keep calm.

“Sam.” He placed a hand on my arm and turned me to face him.

“What? What do you want from me?” He always knew how to push my buttons and I always fell for them.

“Can you just give me a few minutes? We were once married. Had a life together.”

Defeated I accepted his request and we walked in silence, but our body language said more than spoken words. Not far from the hotel there was an all-night old fashion diner. We took far corner booth one at each side of the table. The waiter welcomed us and handed us a menu.

As I sat there I thought that this was not how I wanted to end my night. I had hoped to be in Lachlan’s bed, in his arms, anywhere just as long as I was not here with William talking about our dead son cause, God forbid we talk about the one that did not have a chance to be born. I did not need this, not tonight, not now. When I was finally getting my head back in the game.

“Have you made your choice?” Asked our waiter.

“I’ll have a double bacon cheese burger, fries and a coke.”

Looking my way, the waiter kindly asked, “And you Dr. Thornsdale? The usual? Or something different?”

“The usual for me Keith. Thank you.” This was a place I knew well. If I was not eating at the hospital or the hotel I was here. I could always come here and work in silence and no one would bother me.

He smiled and took the menus from us.

“The guy with the limo is that your new man?”

“What do you want William?” How did he know about Lachlan? I did not want to talk to my ex-husband about Lachlan. This was none of his business. I never asked him about his mistress when we were married. Hell not even when she took him away from his dying son. So why would I talk to him about my very new relationship with Lachlan? Why in hell does he believe I would talk to him about it?

“What can’t I make small talk? We have not spoken nor seen each other for some time.”

“I don’t have time for small talk. Just get to the point William.” I played with my phone going over my mails. I know it’s impolite, but I just didn’t want to care to be kind.

“I needed to see you. You can’t go through this by yourself. We were once very happily married.”

“Yes we were, but that is in the past. No more William. I don’t want to listen to your lies anymore. Enough is enough. Go back. I’ve started a new life.” I was getting ready to leave, but he stopped me.

“A new life with…with that guy? I know you better than anyone. He’s not what you need.”

I leaned forward looking him right in the eyes. “You don’t know me anymore you have no more right to know my business. And how the hell do you know what I need? You’ve never known what I needed.” With every word my anger was rising. “This is the same conversation we have been having for the past 5 years. Every single year!!”

“You were always so independently tough. Never needing anyone.”

“I’ve always been like this. You knew who I was. I have never been anything else to you since we met back in high school. I’ve never lied about who I was. Fuck! You changed after we married and I had David, but I still was the same.”

“I just couldn’t keep up with you. At times you were even heartless.”

“So you cheating on me was my fault. Change the record, please. I’ve heard it all before. And I still keep hearing it, but let’s face it you were never man enough to handle a woman like me.” I too knew what buttons to push.

“You bitch!” His anger was rising and so was his voice.

“So fucking predictable like always. Listen William, this is getting us nowhere. I’ve always been the same person and I’ve never really changed the only difference is that today I don’t give a flying rat’s ass what happens to you. Yes, I loved you with all my heart. I could have died for you, but you broke my heart when you were not there for us, when we needed you the most. You were always very busy with work, but so was I. And David now is dead and there’s nothing that can change that. Not even all your pretty words in the world.”

“I never meant to hurt you and much less David. He was my son too. I thought I had more time.” His eyes brimmed with unshed tears.

“Well that’s just it we always think that, William. We always hope to have more time, but guess what? That is never the case.”

“He would have been 10, next week.”

“I know damn well how old he would have been. No need for you to tell me. It does no one any good to think about what could have been. It will only cause more heartache than anything else.” I said that more to myself than to him.

“Don’t you ever think about it? About him?”

Exasperated I closed my eyes and leaned my head back trying to calm myself. “For the past 5 years there hasn’t been a single moment that I haven’t thought of him…of them. He was everything to me. He was what was perfect in our lives.” My tears began to run freely down my cheeks. “I can’t, please do not ask me to talk about him. My heart brakes every time I see you and I see everything you did or didn’t do for that matter. Please go, leave me alone and don’t come back or contact me. I can’t go through this, every year.” I got out of the booth and walked towards Keith. I asked him if he could wrap my things to go. Came back to the booth and waited for my meal. We sat there in complete silence. When Keith came back with our meals I put my hand in my coat pocket and took out two $20 bills and placed it on the table. “It’s on me.”

“Sam…” He grabbed my wrist.

I pulled hard from his grip and inhaled deeply before saying, “We were good together, until you began…well until we were no longer good for one another. It was easier to hurt each other than to make the effort. Now there’s no turning back.” I grabbed my bag and before I left his side I leaned in and gave him a kiss goodbye. “We need to go on with our lives…separately. There’s nothing keeping us together.”

A few moments later I was out the door. Walking back to the hotel I looked for Harry the friendly homeless guy. When I found him he gave me a smile. He used to be a big finance guru, but had a nervous breakdown and everything went downhill. He always had a kind word for me so I took the time to talk to him for a while no matter how late I got back to my hotel. I tried to make sure he was in good health.

“Hello Harry. How are you tonight?” I sat down before him crossing my legs in front of me.

“Hello Doc! Cold, but I’m not complaining.” He said showing a very big toothless smile. Down in the gutter and this man had always a smile.

“No you never do. Here I got you this. It’s your favorites.” I said as I handed him the paper bag.

“Oh Doc. You shouldn’t have, but it’s awful nice of you.” He opened the bag and took out a BLT sandwich and fries and began to eat hungrily. “So did you save any lives tonight?”