Chapter 2 — Do You Love Me?

Hayfah glumly trudged off the school premises. She took a bike and headed home, his face never leaving her mind. It was rounded with a long chiseled nose, sparkly eyes, purplish lips, trimmed side burns, and black curly hair, and it kept popping up in her noddle. His smile was really a sight to behold. She remembered his broad chest and how very tall and well-structured he was, just how she wanted her man to look.

She opened the metal door of their house and walked in, wiping away her tears, unable to figure out their source. She knew Umma was going to say something awful to her. Muttering an incoherent salaam, she walked into the house, where she almost bumped into someone. Looking up, her gaze fell on her tall and fair-skinned brother, who possessed a big mouth. Her facial expression suddenly turned into a grin. She loved her siblings.

"Hamma Tahir, when did you come back? I guess I must have been at school. How're you doing? How was work? I missed you so much,” her husky voice uttered as she leaned in to hug him, but he was quick to push her away, sneering at her.

"Don't hug me, please. I know it's not haram, but people might see us, which would be embarrassing as my voice is thinner and more melodious than yours," he said and maneuvered his way out of the house, leaving her in tears.

She was hurt beyond words, and she wondered if he loved her. She trudged inside their mid-sized house. It was a humble space, with a kitchen in the left corner, a bathroom in the right corner, a water well near the bathroom, and their three small bedrooms. One was for her and Amna, the second one belonged to Tahir, and Umma and Abba occupied the third one. She quickly fled to her room, hoping no one would see her.

As she was about to enter her room, a voice halted her, "Hayfah, have you forgotten how to greet someone properly? Does your husky voice cause you such humiliation that you must take it out on me?" Upon hearing her sister's voice, she quickly turned, a wide grin plastered to her lips. She scuttled to where she was sitting with Umma on a rubber mat. Wrappers, cosmetics, and undergarments were scattered across the mat. They both hugged, Hayfah letting out a hearty laugh; she had missed her one and only sister.

"Addah, I missed you!" She was taken aback when Amna pushed her away, wearing a look that reeked of disgust. "Do you want to destroy my eardrums? For heaven's sake! Can't you just keep your distance? I've heard, you missed me, and I missed you too."

Hayfah couldn’t control the tears that were trying to cascade down her cheeks.

"Umma, whose things are these?" she asked, holding up a peach and purple ankara, admiring the patterns on it.

Umma violently grabbed the ankara from her and placed it back in its spot "They're all your sister's. As you can see, she's very beautiful, with a nice thin voice, so her boyfriend gave her these gifts. She can contribute so much to this family, you see," Umma said, patting Amna's hair lovingly.

Hayfah couldn’t control her tears anymore. She wondered why her family treated her the way they did. She couldn't be the only lady born with a manly voice. ‘Do the others also face this discrimination?’ she wondered.

"You think I can't contribute? Why do you say such things? You gave birth to me Umma, do you even feel an ounce of love for me?” She burst into tears, her shoulders shaking. This was just too much.

Umma chuckled. How could she explain to Hayfah that she actually felt affection for her, but her greed and quest for worldly pleasures cast a barrier between them?

"What difference does that make? Whether or not I love you doesn’t change the fact that you’re useless to me, so please leave my sight. And mind you, you should entertain any guy that comes calling on you tonight. You might find someone that'll pity you."

Hayfah ran as fast as her legs could carry her to their room and flopped on her mattress, crying hysterically.

She vowed to herself not to entertain anyone just to irk Umma. Hayfah had experienced one too many negative encounters with men who came calling. Most of them left almost immediately after hearing her speak. Others taunted her. But the worst were those who made their lustful desire for her clear and tried enticing her with money and nice things.

Despite all that, to Hayfah, there was nothing more heartbreaking than the humiliation and discrimination she faced from her family. She had been broken at a tender age, and it made a huge impact on her social interactions with society; she was a loner.

With a heavy heart, she said her Zuhr and Asr prayers before eating lunch. Amna was trying to make small talk with her, but Hayfah snubbed her—not because she didn’t want to talk to her sister but because she feared being humiliated due to her voice. She knew how very thoroughly Amna had mastered the art of harassing her.

***

In the evening, a young boy was sent into their home to call on Hayfah.

"She's not around," Amna lied, much to the annoyance of Umma, who was in her room listening to the conversation. She rushed out and stopped the boy.

“Tell him she’ll be out in a bit,” she said, smiling at the little boy. “Dan ubanki fito. He might take pity on you and show some interest,” she yelled at Hayfah. “Rub some powder on yourself and spritz on some of your sister’s designer perfume. Maza fito kar ya sha jira.”

Afraid of incurring Umma’s wrath, Hayfah did as she was told before walking out the door. For no apparent reason, she found herself hoping it was Adyan. She still could not decipher why thoughts of this stranger lingered in her young and inexperienced heart.

As soon as she was out of the little door, their gazes met and the guy put on a grin. How so in love he was with her beauty. Her body was the first thing that had drawn him to her.

‘I’ll try my luck,’ he thought. ‘Today might be my lucky day.’ His eyes scrutinized her from head to toe. He was already envisioning his body moving in perfect sync with hers.

Hayfah pouted her lips, wondering why the most notorious thug in the area wanted to see her.

"What brings you here?" she asked with an expression that clearly communicated her lack of interest in him.

"I'm here because I love you, Hayfah. You're the most beautiful lady I've ever seen," he said with a naughty grin.

Hayfah noticed how he kept looking at his phone, like he was waiting for something. She shrugged it off.

"What's your name again?" she asked, trying to give him a chance. Maybe he meant it. He, after all, had heard her speak yet had chosen to stay.

His grin grew wider. “My name is Amir, Amir Usman," he answered, studying her curved body even though she was wearing a hijab.

She smiled, and they chatted for an hour. Maybe she had been mistaken in thinking him a bad person. The way he spoke, how he smiled at her warmly, everything about him was good. He was caramel in complexion, with a short nose and a mop of black Fulani hair. She instantly took a liking for him. 'He's handsome. Maybe I should give him a chance?' she thought.

***

Hayfah was sent to buy some sugar for tomorrow's breakfast. She was walking when she heard a familiar voice coming from a group of guys. They were laughing, and it seemed harmless, but something kept gnawing at her. She thought she heard her voice. She silently tiptoed to where they were sitting and spotted Amir in the middle, holding his phone. They were listening to something. It was her voice. He had recorded her voice.

Hayfah burst into a loud wail, which caught their attention. She tried muffling her sobs, but it was already too late as they had already seen her. Amir moved closer, rubbing the nape of his neck nervously. He opened his mouth to apologize, but she halted him with a hand gesture. She looked him from head to toe with so much disgust—and a glint of sadness and pain—in her eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with my voice. I was created like this, and I believe it's a blessing in disguise. This isn’t the first time I’ve been humiliated, but I never thought it would come from you. It hurts because I trusted you. Is this what you wanted all along? Is this why you were being so nice? Get this straight: Someday, I’ll find true love. I’ll find someone who’ll love and appreciate me just the way I am. Someone who won’t see my flaws and will love me for who I truly am. And he'll love me more because of my voice!" she spat angrily and left.

Amna was busy talking to her boyfriend on phone when Hayfah entered their room and started talking. Amna ended the call immediately and shot a glare at Hayfah.

"What do you think you're doing? Now he’ll think I'm with another guy. Can you please stop talking while I'm on phone?" spat an angry Amna. Hayfah was in a frenzy; she stiffened in shock.

"Addah, do you love me?" she blurted, wiping away her tears. Amna glared at her, hissed, and dialled her boyfriend's number.