Chapter 31 THE LIST OF LIVING
NIRELLE
After seeing Lucien's reaction to me talking to Cassian in public, it is making me doubt his intentions. He did not seem that shocked to see me there, almost as if he was expecting to see me. Also, his not bringing up the fact that I was married and acting as if he did not makes me think he was purposely ignoring it. Even if he just flew in from Dubai, there was no way he wouldn't have seen the news; the news was all over this morning.
I take out the tablet that I had gotten earlier and scroll through social media, and surely enough, enough articles are talking about my marriage to Lucien. I see some random ones about me and Cassian, but everyone seems to be walking on eggshells; they are all implying something, but no one is coming out to fully confess what they think is happening.
I sigh as I drop myself into bed and place the iPad beside me. With Lucien's reaction, I can only wonder if he is going to sulk for a long time. I do not have anywhere else to go, and I do not have the will to be in the same space with him while he acts as if I had committed a grave offence. Maybe I could go to the reunion; I heard those things were fun, but I had never been to one ever.
I stood up from the bed, ready to get out of the room, when a knock came. I stared at the door as if I expected it to loudly answer who was on the other side of it. I sign and walk up to it and whisper against it.
"Who is it?" Silence filled the air in response, and I sighed. "Who is it?" I ask again, this time my voice is louder.
"Nirelle?"
"Lucien?" I ask back, and I can hear a sound of approval. My hand grabs the handle of the door and stays on it for a few seconds as I ponder what I am about to do, and then I pull it open after realising that there is no place to run to again.
He steps in, his eyes scanning the room as if it's the first time he's coming in here. "You are here," I say when he just stands there without a word.
"I am," his response is dry, and compared to his earlier reaction, I can tell he is no longer angry. He seemed to have calmed down already; maybe Theo was right and running around the compound when the sun was high was the right thing to calm your anger.
"You don't seem angry again."
"Who said I was angry?" he asked, pausing to press his lips together as if he was thinking. "Did Theo say that?"
"Your reaction was enough for me to base my conclusions," I reply, and he does not like my answer. "You acted like a child who did not get his way," I add, and he frowns.
"I always get my way," he replies proudly, and I do not know if that is something he should be proud of.
"You were angry because of Cassian," I say, and he shakes his head vehemently.
"Who is Cassian?" His expression is blank, and for a second, I almost believe he has no idea who Cassian is.
"Is this some kind of denial?" I ask, and he tilts his head. I want to go further, but I shake off the thoughts, as I had to ask him. I was on my way to ask him, but maybe since he was here already, I could.
"So I was on my way to the study to find myself." I want to ask why I am on my way to the study. Why does Lucien's approval matter to me? I can't find the answers, so I tucked them away in my heart
"And who said I am always at the study?" He cut me off before I could even finish my statement.
"Aren't you?" I ask. I realise that the study is indeed not his room. "I don't know why I had imagined you slept there as well." He looks at me with a weird, unreadable expression. "Are you telling me that if I can't find you in the study, I should come to your room?" I ask even though I do not know the way to the room.
He looks stunned that I would even think to ask him that, but he tries to cover it up with a frown. "If you’re not afraid of what you'll find"
"I know that you wouldn't touch me." I say boldly, not because he wouldn't, but if he tried it, I would make sure to show him reasons why he won't want to try it again.
"How can you be so sure about that?" he asked, a smirk climbing his face.
"I will fight back." He looked as if that was not the answer he was expecting, but there was also evidence of a smile in there. "So if I can't find you in the study, I might as well find you in your room." I walk back to the table and take out the list I had been making the other day.
"Here," I say, flipping the pages and pointing it in his face.
"What is this?" he asked, taking the book. His eyes danced with familiarity as one line was scratched off; he knew very well what was on that line, as he had stood behind me and read it. I continued writing more things I wanted to do, things I could not do. His eyes dance around the page, and then he looks up at me. "Why are you showing me this?" he asked, and I smiled at him, the kind that I think is supposed to make him uncomfortable.
"I don't like that smile," he says as he shifts on his foot. "Why are you showing me this?"
"You are going to do these things with me," I exclaim with joy. I had wanted to go to the reunion, but seeing that he came to the room to apologise, I could not think of doing that to him. There must be a good reason he was wary of Cassian, and until I find the reason, I am going to stay away from him.
"I am not," he closed the book and tried to hand it over to me.
"Are you sure you want that to be your final answer?" I pressed my lips in a thin line as I stared at him.
"Yes, I am," he said confidently, and it was ruining mine.
"I don't think so," I whisper as I take the book from him.
"I am not doing it."
"Maybe I can ask someone else, Theo?" I pause to see his reaction, but he is still like he does not know what I am trying to do. “Cassian Wolfe?” I shrug, ready to turn away from him. I see the way his hand has tightened around the book; he is reconsidering it.
"Do you want to reconsider?" I say in a pushing tone.
Even if he does not help me do my list, I was going to do it myself, and I would be forced to help him because now, even more than before, I have to see the end of the Thamore family with my own hands.
"You are being manipulative," he murmured with a frown, and I raised my shoulders briefly with a coy smile on my face. “Careful. That kind of cunning comes with a price.”
"I guess you can survive with the skills you learnt."
"Ugh!" he exclaimed with an eye roll. "What is first on your list?"
"Drinking"