He chucked, it was obvious, he thought she was joking, right? That angered her even more, because Nate had never taken her serious, everything about her was a joke to him and she didn’t know why she was fining the courage to take out her frustration on him. “Am I a laughing joke to you, Nate? I would have died, and you didn’t check up on me?” She wanted him to know that she was so serious about this. They fought, like every other couple do. But with every fighting, it didn’t matter whether she was the one at fault or not, whatever happened and no matter how long it would take, she would be the one to call first and apologize.
“Hold on, are you shouting on me?” Wait, was he trying to be angry at her even though he should have been worried about what nearly killed her at the moment?
“Was that the only thing you heard? I nearly died, Nate! And it’s all because you, if I haven’t taken that…” she caught herself mid-sentence, she wouldn’t want to give her little secret out this easily.
“Anna,” he sighed, but she knew him so well to know that this phone call wouldn’t end up well, they will fight, just a day to their anniversary or was it two? She had never imagined that this visit would turn out to be like this, but it was all thanks to that Jack of a guy, she grimaced and became even more angry. “If you called just to create a fight between us, I’d like it if you end this call or I’d do us both the favor and end the call myself. You can’t be acting childishly, okay?” He was trying to tame down his anger, she was so aware of that.
She scoffed and began pacing through the room, “Wait, what? Are you telling me that you’ll hang up on me? How dare you do that, Nate? I’d like you do that; I’m telling you that I nearly died, and I don’t know if you’ve always been like this, never gave a fuck about me and I’ve never realized but now?” It pained her, she realized. Was this the way he had always acted or what? Was this what her Mother and Maya had seen in him that she hadn’t until now?
This time when he spoke, he didn’t bother to conceal his anger anymore, he unleashed it right onto her face. “I don’t fucking care, you could die for all that matters to me. What the hell is wrong with you, Anna? Why will you accuse me of not caring for you?” He hissed loudly and she didn’t have the energy to move anymore, she just stood there with her mouth hung open as his words found their place in her heart. “Look, I don’t care. Don’t call me again.” And he ended the call on her.
No, this was definitely some sort of dream, she was still unconscious, right? She tasted her tears on her lips and that was when she knew that this wasn’t a joke, she was awake, crying. Nate ended the call on her, told her that she could die for all he cared, and he told her not to call him again. Was he telling her that they have broken up or this was another way of telling her not to bother disturbing him like she always did whenever they fought until he was calm enough to call her himself?
She slumped on the sofa and began to stare at the food she was once enjoying as she watched the movie. But nothing appealed her buds or eyes anymore, she wanted to cry until she slept off. No one to call, they fought with her Mother, right? And Maya would make sure she made her hate Nate, which she didn’t want to. She wanted to love him until she couldn’t love anymore, until her last breath. It didn’t matter what he would do or say to her, she would always love him.
“You were wrong, Anna.” She patted her face in an attempt to calm herself down, but more tears gushed down. “Why would you call him and rant at him for the fault that he hasn’t done? Why?” She broke into a peal of tears and didn’t know when a scream escaped her lips. She hated it when they fought, she hated the way her heart squirmed with so much pain whenever they fought and she knew that he wasn’t in love with her anymore or rather, he would sleep angry her.
Wasn’t he going to propose to her? Why will she do what she did to him? Why will she call him and accuse him of not caring about her? Nate had all the reasons to be angry at her, but she didn’t have a single one to be angry at him. She tried to call him again, but his phone was switched off and that was enough to tell her that he didn’t want her to bother him with her usual unending calls whenever they fought. She had to do something, she realized. Anything, maybe cry until she couldn’t anymore, or maybe listen to the music.
They had a rooftop, right? She had to go there, stare at the moon until it soothed her aching soul. She opted for that, wrapping her shawl over her neck, and bringing it to her chest, Anna didn’t care about the state of her hair and she walked out of her suite. She silently walked to the elevator and hit the rooftop floor, she prayed no one was there. Who would, even? No one, right? No one was in pain like she was, no one loved someone as much as she loved Nate. No one felt what she did when Nate told her that she could die for all he cared. No one was told not to ever call his beloved again, she was certain that she was the only one feeling this kind of pain in the whole world.
❦
Jack moved back from the railing, the view down there wasn’t appealing his eyes anymore. It was the hurtful words of his Father that were bustling back into his mind which he wished it were a decoder he could turn off. He regretted ever picking his call just after he had walked into his suite when that crazy girl had closed the door on his face. He hated her; he hated his Father even much more. But he had to pick, for his Mother’s sake even though she was her own kind of pain as well.
He hissed and tossed the dead leaf he had seen on the floor and wondered why it was there. Who would have thought the autumn wind could take up a dried leaf to a rooftop floor. But somehow, it was evident enough that he wasn’t the only one died within, right? This leaf right here was dead and didn’t have any chance of living anymore. But he did, he still had the chance to pursue his dream and prove his Father wrong. He still had the chance to let his Mother know that he could make her proud with his chosen profession.
He didn’t know what was so complicated about his family, why was it so hard to let him choose what he had always dreamt of since he was a child? Did they want the kind of Willa? Submissive and respectful to whatever they shoved her way? He knew deep down that his sister wanted to have a life of her own, but she didn’t want to give their parents another reason for their usual fights over her. She didn’t argue when their father had chosen her major, didn’t argue when he said she was going to work in his company, and worse; she only smiled and nodded her head when he told her that he wanted her to get married to Victor.
At that time, he knew she had always been in love with her best friend, she had once told him, and he was so angry that she didn’t argue with their Father about it. And when he furiously approached her in her room as she sadly cried, she told him that, ‘What good will it cause if I argue with him or told him that I’m not going to marry Victor, Jack? He will just be angry, they will fight endlessly over this with Mom, they will both be sad. They’re my parents, I love them both and I need to save them from this dark phase, don’t you think?’
He wanted to argue with her at the time, he had wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t sacrifice her happiness just because she wanted to save their parents from being sad or because she wanted to save their pathetic marriage. Because at the time, and even now, he knew that their Mother will be better off without that man. And she sadly smiled at him and replied, ‘You don’t understand a woman’s feelings when she’s in love, Jack. They might always be fighting over you, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him, that doesn’t mean she wants to be separated with him. She chose him when she didn’t know she would have us, and I’m certain she will always choose him even after she has us.’
‘But…’ he tried to argue with her, because he felt that if he were a woman, he would never worship love like Willa described it to be. He had seen women in love, they mostly looked miserable, the most annoying thing about it was that they always loved the men more and that was an even more reason to make them hurt them to an extent, but they would always stick around, be that soft and lovely.
‘Don’t worry about Rory, I’ve already spoken to him a few months ago, he has someone he already loves. Tell me, Jack, what’s the use of holding onto an unrequited love when you can use that chance to make the most valuable people in your life happy? I’m not just doing this for Mom and Dad, I’m doing it for myself. I want to move on and start afresh, this Victor guy might be the one for me.’ That time, she smiled as hope sparked in her eyes. He thought she was just being pathetic, she wanted him not to worry about her and what her life in her matrimonial home will be. But it turned out to be the greatest thing that had ever happened to Willa, Victor was a nice guy unlike Jack imagined him to be. He was nothing like their Father and she had never complained to him about him. He was always proud of her for making that thought decision.
That was why he wanted to do such for Clara…wait, someone was crying. He was sure he wasn’t the one, because he hadn’t cried even when his Dad threw those disgusting words at him. He was certain he wasn’t the one. As he turned around in the rooftop, he saw a woman seated on one of the resting ottomans as she hugged her knees to her chest and cried terribly. What was wrong? He didn’t have to ask her to know what was wrong with her, he had seen the woman he most loved in his life cried like this, which was almost every time.
He found the next chair beside him and sat down as he stared at the way she cried, her shoulders shaking and her cries coming out in hiccups, it was evident that she was in so much pain, whoever she was. Did she have a broken marriage? What was wrong with her? He wished he had the strength in him to ask her what she was crying for, even though he knew it was a man but at least what the reason was this time.
She had her back facing him, and he was glad for that, because if she were facing him, he might’ve been forced to ask her what was wrong or at least offer a word of consolation that might make her feel better. Sometimes her cries will subside but later on she broke into even more tears. He saw a message popped into his phone, Clara.
And he decided to ask her the question he had been contemplating about all night. ‘Hey, darling. What do you think will hurt a woman if a stranger does or says it to her?’ He prayed that whatever she was going to say to him would be as exactly as Anna would feel if he decided to make her learn her mistakes.