Chapter 66: Where is he?

Milie's POV

The moment Alan walked out, something inside me shattered. The room felt empty. Too empty.

A few minutes ago, he was here, holding me, looking at me, kissing me as if I were the most precious thing in his world.

But now he was gone.

I slowly slid down against my bed and wrapped my arms around my knees.

The silence felt unbearable.

A sudden void settled in my chest, and tears rolled down my cheeks all over again.

"Why does everything have to become so complicated? Why do I always hurt him?"

“Why couldn't I simply choose the person I love?”

I buried my face in my arms. "If I hadn't gotten jealous... If I hadn't lost control... If I hadn't said anything..."

None of this would've happened.

A few hours ago, I was furious to see him with Emma. Now I wished I had simply stayed quiet.

Because at least then Alan wouldn't be hurting.

A fresh wave of guilt crashed into me.

I had spent months pulling him closer, then pushing him away.

Giving him hope, and taking it back. Today I did it again. Worse than ever.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"But no matter how much it hurt. No matter how much my heart wants him, I couldn't do that to Daxton. I just couldn't."

A soft knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Darling?" Mom's voice came softly, and I quickly wiped my face.

"Yeah?"

"Come downstairs and eat something."

"I'm not hungry."

A brief silence followed, then she sighed.

"Okay. But don't stay locked in your room all evening."

I didn't answer, and she retreated.

I sat there for a while, trying to gather myself, and a few minutes later, my phone rang. "Daxton."

I exhaled, a small smile appearing despite everything.

"Hey."

"Hey." His cheerful voice instantly filled the phone.

"Wanna grab coffee?"

"What?"

"I'm craving coffee." I heard him laugh.

"We can call Sammy too."

The mention of Sammy instantly reminded me of everything that had happened.

"No." The answer came out too quickly. "I mean..."

I swallowed. "Let's go alone."

Daxton chuckled. "Really?"

"Yeah. You want him?"

His voice softened. "I don't mind, but I've missed hanging out with just you."

Guilt immediately twisted inside me. Of course, he had, because I was busy wooing somebody else.

"I'll pick you up in twenty."

"Okay."

After disconnecting, I stared at my reflection. My eyes were swollen. My face looked awful.

I washed my face three times before finally managing to look somewhat normal.

"If I had made my choice... Then I need to commit to it. I need to stop looking backward."

Twenty minutes later, Daxton's car pulled into the driveway.

The moment I got inside, his brows narrowed. "Have you been crying?"

I immediately looked away. "No."

"Milie." That's how Daxton was. He never missed. He always noticed when something was wrong... Before anyone else.

"I'm okay."

He studied me for another second. Then quietly grabbed a napkin from the dashboard and handed it to me.

"Okay." No pressure. No questions. No interrogation.

The café wasn't crowded, and we settled at the same corner booth that Alan and I preferred the other day.

It was no surprise; memories instantly started attacking me.

Alan, sitting across from me, stealing my fries, laughing, and annoying me.

Alan. Alan. Alan. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Stop, just stop, Milie."

"Remember this place?" Daxton's voice pulled me back.

"Huh?"

"The guy you slapped."

Despite everything, I laughed. "Oh my God, yes."

Daxton grinned. "You almost started a riot."

"He deserved it."

"You slapped him."

"He deserved it."

"You caused the fight."

"He deserved it."

Daxton burst out laughing.

"And then you have to save me."

"Yeah, but you totally enjoyed the fight."

"I absolutely did, but I even got you injured." I smiled softly and, without thinking, reached for his hand.

The faint scar near his knuckle was still there.

"Oh, come on. It's nothing." His grin widened.

A reminder of a stupid fight, a stupid day, a friend who had always stood beside me.

"I'm sorry."

He rolled his eyes. "Milie, it happened years ago."

"Still."

Looking at him now... I remembered every exam he helped me survive, every bad day, every fight.

He always showed up. Never asked for anything. Never expected anything in return.

"How could I hurt him? How could I possibly do that?"

For a while, we talked about old teachers, school memories, college drama, Sammy, and our retirement home project.

Surprisingly... I felt okay, not happy, not excited, but at ease.

I felt maybe this could work, maybe feelings would change later, maybe love didn't need to be dramatic.

Maybe it was supposed to feel like this, steady and comfortable.

When Daxton dropped me off at home later, he squeezed my hand. "Feeling better?"

I smiled. A real smile. "Yeah." It wasn't entirely true. But it wasn't entirely false either.

That night, I lay awake staring at the ceiling. The room was dark and quiet, but the moment my eyes drifted toward the corner of the room...

My mind turned into chaos again. Alan... standing there, holding my face, saying my name, saying—I love you, Milie.

My chest turned heavy, and I grabbed my phone.

No message, no missed call, nothing.

I reread our chats for a long time, but then eventually sleep dragged me under.

The next morning, the heaviness was still there, and the first thing I did was check my phone.

There were messages, notifications, and group chats, but nothing from Alan.

I laughed bitterly. "What are you expecting? You told him to forget everything. You pushed him away."

"What right do you have to expect anything now?"

I locked my phone and got ready for college. The entire drive there, my eyes searched for his car.

Nothing. By the first lecture, I still hadn't seen him. By lunch, an uncomfortable feeling had settled in my stomach.

I finally approached one of his classmates. "Have you seen Alan?"

"Nope."

"Was he here earlier?"

"No."

My stomach dropped. That wasn't like him. I immediately called him.

His phone was switched off. I tried again. Same.

By afternoon, I couldn't focus anymore. I found Zion outside the library.

"Have you talked to Alan?"

"Nope."

"You know where he is?"

"No idea, not even the professor has."

The uneasiness inside me grew. Alan never disappeared. Not like this.

After classes, I found Sammy sitting alone near the basketball court.

The moment he saw me, his expression hardened.

"Where's Alan?"

Sammy looked away. "I don't know."

"Stop lying."

"I'm serious."

"Sammy."

His jaw tightened. "We haven't spoken since yesterday."

I stared at him, but he actually had no clue.

My heartbeat quickened. "If Sammy didn't know... who does?

Without another word, I left for home. By the time I reached Alan's house, my heart was pounding.

I rushed inside. "Nana?"

"Oh, sweetheart."

"Where's Alan?" I was already heading toward the stairs.

"Darling, he's not here."

I stopped and slowly turned around. "What do you mean?"

"He left yesterday."

My heart stopped. "Left?"

Nana nodded. "He said he'd be gone for a few days."

"A few days?" My voice sounded desperate and panicked.

"Where did he go?"

"I don't know."

"What? How could you not know?"

"He called us. That's all."

I stared at her, unable to process what she was saying.

"And when he's coming back?"

"No clue."

"He didn't tell you anything?"

Nana's face filled with concern. "No, sweetheart."

My throat tightened. "He had left without telling anyone. He didn't even inform his Nana."

"That's so unlikely of him." Suddenly, every ounce of confidence I'd been forcing myself to hold onto disappeared.

Because Alan always stayed back after every fight, every misunderstanding, every time I pushed him away.

Somehow, he always made things lighter and casual again, but this time he didn't try and left without telling anyone.

And for the first time, I felt like he was finally done.