Chapter 35: Insecurities

Milie's POV

Daxton almost caught us.

It was not like I wanted to hide anything from him, but I needed time. Time to understand what was happening inside me. What Alan was becoming to me.

When he held my hand earlier—his thumb brushing over mine—something in me had shifted.

I wanted more of it. More of him. But the version of myself I had built over time didn't allow that.

So I pulled away. Like always.

By the time we reached the vacation house, it was already noon. The plan was simple—pool first, then lunch.

Simple for everyone else, not for me.

We walked into the room, and within minutes, Tessa and Emma were already changing in the open.

Like it was nothing. Like it was normal.

"Oh God… why am I stuck here?" I cursed under my breath, turning away, but not for so long.

I looked again. Their bodies were effortless, confident, unbothered.

They wore bikinis that barely covered anything, like armor.

They then laughed, posed, and fixed their hair in the mirror as they belonged in their own skin.

I swallowed. Somewhere deep inside, something twisted. I looked down at myself.

"Nah… Milie, don't let it get into your head," My inner voice snapped me back.

Tessa turned to me, already dressed. "Hey, you should hurry. The guys are probably waiting."

"You guys go ahead," I said without looking at them. "I'll come later."

Emma didn't even look at me. "Let’s call the boys on the way," she said, grabbing Tessa's arm.

"Yeah, perfect." And just like that, they left.

I stood there alone, staring at the closed door.

"Of course. Call the boys," I mocked. "Why waste a chance to show off?"

I frowned. My jaw tightened.

"I hope they stay away from Alan." The thought came uninvited.

I walked to the door and locked it. Now there was no distraction left.

Just me and the decision I didn't want to make.

I pulled my swimsuit out of the bag—a full-body one, safe and covered.

I held it up in front of me, staring at it like it had answers.

Should I go? Should I not? My chest tightened. A second later, I finally gave up and threw it aside.

"I can't," I whispered, shaking my head. "I just… can't."

I dropped onto the bed, staring at the floor. "I'm fine here, scrolling through TikTok.

A knock interrupted my thoughts.

"Milie, it's me," Daxton's voice came from outside.

I opened the door, already shaking my head.

"I can't," I said before he could even ask.

He didn't question it. Just stepped in, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and guiding me back inside.

"Hey… It's been two years," he said gently. "You don't have to let that one moment control everything."

His hand cupped my face, steady and familiar.

"It's just us. No one here knows. No one's going to judge you."

I nodded, but it wasn't conviction. It was a habit of not to disappoint him.

He picked up my swimsuit and handed it to me.

"Go. Wear it. Come with confidence," he said softly. "This time, I won't leave you alone for a second."

That broke something in me. When it happened, Daxton was not around, and it became the biggest regret of his life.

"I'll come," I said, even though I wasn't sure if I meant it.

He smiled, kissed my forehead, and left.

The second the door shut, my chest collapsed. I changed slowly, mechanically.

Then I stood in front of the mirror. I didn't like what I saw. Not even a little.

The fabric clung to me in all the wrong ways.

All I could see was that day. The laughter. The comments. The humiliation.

My throat tightened.

"No… no…"

I quickly changed back into my regular clothes, shoved the swimsuit into the trash, and sank onto the floor.

"I can't do this," I whispered, tears spilling freely now. "I just can't."

And there came another knock.

"Dax… I said I'll come," I called out, wiping my face.

He didn't reply, and the knock came again.

I sighed and dragged myself to the door. As I opened, I froze.

It was Alan.

My heartbeat tripled instantly.

I tried to shut the door, but he pushed it open, stepping inside like he had every right to be there.

"Let's go," he said, like it was already decided.

"Who do you think you are?" I snapped.

He ignored that completely and walked straight to my bag.

"Where’s your swimsuit?"

"Are you insane?" I shot back, panic rising. "You can't just walk into a girl’s room and go through her stuff!"

"We're buddies, remember?" he said casually, still searching.

My stomach dropped.

Did Sammy tell him?

"If you don’t have one, you're wearing mine," he added. "But you’re coming."

"Just leave, Alan!" I snapped. "I'm not going."

He moved past me, reached into the trash, and pulled out the swimsuit.

My eyes shut tight. Of course, he found it.

"Change," he said.

"Don’t force me," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I can't…"

That's when he stopped. He stepped closer, cupping my face, his thumb brushing away my tears.

"Why?" he asked softly. "Because some idiots laughed at you?"

My breath hitched.

"Because a bunch of losers didn't know how to behave?" He added.

"How… How do you—Sammy told you?"

He shook his head, something heavy flickering in his eyes.

"He didn't. I just overheard enough to understand." His voice softened. "I don't know the full story, Mils. But I know it's about people. And that's enough for you to get rid of it.

My shoulders dropped. I looked at him. His eyes held concern without pity.

And before I could stop myself, I leaned into him, resting my head against his chest.

His hand slid gently into my hair, his chin resting lightly on top of my head.

"Love yourself, Mils," he murmured. "Live for yourself. Only then can you actually stand up to anyone."

"I can't…" My voice broke. I clutched his shirt tighter. "I don’t want to."

"That day—" my voice trembled, "it's still stuck in my head."