Chapter 26: Prisoner of guilt

Vander

There was a tenseness in the air when those words left his mouth. Suddenly a memory came rushing back, of a girl being initiated in Gerard’s pack. Something similar had happened to her. I had no idea, however, that it had anything to do with the Moon Goddess walking amongst us. I searched around, eagerly looking. Brutis did too, his curiosity overtaking him. But there was no one really out of place.

“I guess she’s gone,” I said, returning my attention back to Calina who’d begun snoring softly. I wanted to get her into a bed and let her sleep. There was not much more I could do for her and that thought made me feel so disillusioned and regretful. I could have done more. I should have done more. I shouldn’t have left her side. I should have dealt with Brutis sooner. But all of my “should haves” and “could haves” couldn’t change what had already happened.

“I’m sorry for forcing this on her—” Brutis said as I lifted Calina up.

I snickered at him, even more so when his daughter came to his side.

“If it was Odette in her place, would you have forced her, knowing she would possibly die?”

Brutis stayed silent. And that was when I smiled and leaned in.

“I know you’re up to something. I just don’t know what. But believe me when I tell you, I’m watching you, Brutis.”

He just looked at me, almost as though he were looking right through me. Then, he chuckled and shook his head.

“You have such an over-active imagination,” then he leaned in closer, so close it made the hair at the back of my neck stand up, “just like your father.”

As he moved back slightly, he took the time to look into my eyes, a smug, almost evil look in his. What the hell did he mean by that? Some part of me wanted to press him for more information. But an even bigger part, wanted to get Calina indoors. I wanted to make her comfortable and keep her as near to me as possible.

“I’m sure you and your guests know where the exit is. And I hope you understand that your presence is no longer welcomed here Alpha Brutis.” I said as nonchalantly as possible. He seemed almost amused at my words but shrugged and called his guests to follow him out. A few days ago, I would have done anything and everything to maintain the reputation and status of my pack. But everything had spiralled so out of control that I couldn’t care less anymore. I had bigger issues to worry about now. Though I had this daunting feeling that Brutis was nowhere near finished with me.

To my remaining pack members, I expressed my sincerest gratitude that they’d volunteered to help. And I also apologised for the injuries some of them had sustained. Luckily few were seriously injured and there were no deaths. The medical team were now on site, collecting injured wolves who were struggling to heal fast enough. Amongst them, was Loraine. She stared at me as she loaded one of the wolves onto the gurneys. Her eyes wandered from my face to my hands where Calina lay sprawled. I could see the jealousy flash across her eyes. I’m sure if this were a different point in time, I would have enjoyed her jealousy. I would have revelled in it and found the time to sneak into her bedroom at night for some hot revenge sex. But that urge was no longer there anymore. And all I could do was wonder why she still wanted me when it was clear that she didn’t even love me. Perhaps she never did.

I carried Calina myself all the way to the medical centre, placing her in one of the best rooms. I placed her in the warmth of the bed before asking one of the nurses there for some more blankets. She was cold and shivering. That was when I decided to get Mary to come and check her vitals, just to make sure she was alright and perhaps gather some information from her. I needed to understand why that concoction that she’d given me hadn’t worked as well as it should have. It didn’t take me long to find her, and once I had, her face softened and she seemed ever ready to help me.

“Mary… after what happened today, I’d just like to make sure that my mate is okay. Could you please look at her for a moment?” I asked softly.

She nodded, grabbed a few things, and immediately and followed me to the room I’d placed Calina in.

“I must apologise for today… I was almost certain that what I’d given your mate would have helped a lot more than it did. I mean… she almost died today,” she said that last part a little softer. And that was when a fresh new wave of guilt hit me. If she’d died today… it would have been all my fault. I would have been the one to push my mate to death’s door. All for some stupid irrational and impulsive vendetta. Why was I like this? So immature… so pathetic?

Mary moved quickly, making her way next to the bed. She leaned down towards Calina and touched her hand to her skin. Then, she took out her thermometer and placed it in her ear to read her temperature. Calina was motionless throughout, in some sort of deep slumber.

“Her temperature is completely normal… I don’t know why she’s so cold…” Mary said. She shook her head and then reached for an antiseptic wipe, syringe and a piece of gauze from her medical kit. She prepared the injection site and then promptly took blood from Calina before applying a piece of gauze over the inner part of her elbow and placing some pressure. Then she placed a small bandage on her arm and turned to me.

“I’m going to run some tests on her blood to see if there’s anything that comes up,” she said before packing everything up.

I nodded in agreement and followed her to the doorway, thinking about her earlier apology. Before she left, I stopped her and said, “You really don’t have anything to apologise for Mary. It was my fault for putting her in this position in the first place. I should have protected her better.”

Mary smiled and nodded, “You’ve always been so… quick to act. Maybe slow down a little and have some patience, especially with her. If you’ve made a mistake, then make it up to her little by little, day by day.”

She’d spoken, but her words had gone in one ear and out the other. All I could think about was Calina’s cold, tired body lying there in that bed, and that helpless look she had in her eyes when Brutis sunk his teeth in her.

“Alpha Vander?” Mary muttered softly, snapping me out of my daze.

“Sorry… and you’re right. Thanks Mary,” I said half-heartedly. She forced herself to smile once more and then left. I immediately went back to Calina’s side, eager to just be near her. I didn’t want to leave her alone. The more distance there was, the more guilt consumed me.

She looked so peaceful, clutching her blankets and burying herself in their warmth. Looking at her this closely, I was reminded of how beautiful she was. Her beautiful brown eyes were shut, bordered by long, thick lashes. Her cheeks were full, complimenting her round face. Her soft, full lips were slightly parted as she took in slow, steady breaths. I stared at them for a while, memorising every detail and so tempted to place my fingers against them and trace her delicate cupid’s bow. Instead, I settled on placing my hand against her soft, dark hair.

I leaned in, a sore lump forming in my throat and a tightness imprisoning my chest, and then whispered softly into her ear, my lips slightly caressing the skin of it, “I’m so sorry my little hunter…”

If she were conscious, perhaps I would have tried to sneak my way into the bed next to her and wrap her body in mine. And as her body made its way into my mind, I blushed. So much had happened between us. Kissing… touching. I regretted that I couldn’t have enjoyed it more and I regretted that I’d probably never have the opportunity to be that close to her again. I wouldn’t blame her if she hated me after this. I couldn’t protect her, after I’d stolen her from her family for my own selfish needs. I just kept on ruining her life. But I wouldn’t stop trying to redeem myself. Even if she hated me all my life, I’d never stop trying to make it up to her. No matter the cost.

It was then that I remembered the wolfsbane all over her body. Although she was still in the early stages of being a wolf and wolfsbane wouldn’t have an extremely adverse effect on her, I couldn’t imagine that it was helping her heal up and rest. And so, I closed the door and slowly pulled the blankets off of her body. I tried my best to be respectful as I could, only moving under her clothing and touching what was absolutely necessary. It stung as I removed the items, but I didn’t mind. Her skin was so soft, and it felt so electric against mine. Maybe it was the mate bond or maybe it was something else. But whatever it was, I chose to ignore it. Things were too complicated… more complicated than she knew.

“She’s beautiful, I’ll admit that,” a familiar voice said from the entryway. I didn’t even have to look up to know the kind of face Loraine was making.

“Don’t you get tired of this? Of running after me all the time?” I asked, almost instinctively covering Calina up. I didn’t want to disrespect her by having Loraine gawk at her while she was so weak and vulnerable. Loraine fed on weakness.

She smirked, but her eyes never left Calina’s sleeping face.

“You’ve got it wrong Vander. It was always you running after me. This is the only time it’s different,” she then paused and stopped moving towards me. “You and I are tied for eternity Vander. We’ve always known this. Whenever one of us leaves, it might take a while, but we keep on coming back. The only reason you brought her here is because you’ve always had a habit of replacing your toys. I don’t blame you, after all I thought I’d be leaving you forever too before I realised how good we are together. But you don’t have to keep her here anymore, Vander. Or… if it’s better on your conscience, keep her here but take me as your Luna. Make me yours Vander. I will be yours from this moment onward. You don’t need to replace me anymore Vander, I’m yours!” She was now moving closer to me and leaning down, her eyes on my lips. As I stared at her I grew uneasy, not only at her actions, but her words.

And so, I stood up and yelled out, “That’s enough! You’re so selfish… all you’ve ever done is string me along like an idiot. But I’m done with that and I’m done with you. And if you keep on doing this, I’ll send your ass right back to Silver Fang—”

“So why the fuck did you let me back here Vander? Why the fuck did you approve of my transfer back if you weren’t trying to get back with me.”

I stayed silent.

She scoffed and shook her head, “That’s exactly what I thought.”