Chapter 23

When we got back to his house,his mom ordered pizza and we all sat to eat in front of the television,watching a movie on Netflix.She seemed to know something was up and tried getting us to talk,but neither of us was in the mood.Finally,I was too worn out by the last few days,and since I had already seen the movie,I decided to head up to bed.It didn’t seem like Jeff wanted to talk about anything anyway.

I showered,washing away the chlorine smell and general stink of the day.Even though I was tired,I thought I might have trouble sleeping and took a Melatonin,washing it down with water from the bathroom faucet.I didn’t take it too often,but when I was stressed,I usually had a hard time falling asleep.A small dose usually helped me fall into a really deep sleep,and I needed it that night.

Dejected,I fell into the bed and rolled to my side,wondering if it would be the last night I’d stay here.Was Jeff downstairs talking with his mom?Were they going to politely kick me out in the morning?I bit my cheek as I tried to fight the tears,but they came anyway.He had continued to act as if everything was okay at the pool,but maybe that had all been a show.Jeff certainly hadn’t made any move to talk about things.

I cried for the loss of my best friend.I cried for my mom.I cried for the whole fucked-up situation.The one person I thought I could count on was rejecting me,and it broke my heart.I felt lost in a maze—what direction did I take?Where did I turn?

By the time Jeff came to bed and slid under the covers,I had not quite fallen asleep.The pill hadn’t taken much affect yet,because the dip in the bed fully woke me up.I held my breath,hoping he would say something,anything,really.But he stayed quiet as he rolled toward me,yet didn’t pull me close as he had the past two nights.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I tugged the blankets tighter around my shoulders.I stared at the wall in the dark and brushed away my tears.I was so fucking tired of crying.

“Aaron?”Jeff whispered.

I tensed.“What?”

“I’m sorry.It’s not that I’m upset you’re gay.”

“Yeah,right,”I huffed,keeping my eyes on the wall.

“No,really,”he replied,his voice earnest.He rested his hand on my shoulder.“I swear!”

I rolled onto my back.“Then what?Why are you being such a douche?”

He flinched and looked away.

“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been for me to hide this from you?I was afraid if I told you I could lose my best friend!And then you don’t even speakto me?Why?”

Jeff met my gaze and his lips dipped into a frown.“Have you been crying?”He brushed away a tear.“Oh,fuck,Aaron.I’m so sorry!”He clasped my hand.“I didn’t mean to hurt you.I was…fuck,I was confused.Not about you being gay.I didn’t like how that guy Jon was all over you today.”

I raised my eyebrows.“He was goofing around,but he wasn’tall over me.”I tried to remember the events in the pool.Yes,Jon had definitely flirted with me,and he wasn’t subtle.But I still didn’t think he had been too handsy.

“He was,”Jeff insisted and pressed his lips into a hard,thin line.

“But even if he was,why would that matter?”I was so confused.First Jeff acted like me being gay was a deal-breaker,then he acted…well,almost jealous.What the hell was going on?

He let go of my hand and rolled onto his back.“I’m not sure why I’m being an ass.I just…just didn’t like how Jon was acting.”

I turned away to hide my smile.He wasn’t abandoning me,he was trying to protect me.It was sweet,although a little misguided.But after all that had happened in the last forty-eight hours,I couldn’t really be mad at him.My admission probably threw him and he was just reacting—well,overreacting—but I could deal with that.

“Look,I’m a big boy,Jeff.”I faced him.“I appreciate all you’re doing to help me through this…ordeal…with my family,but I can handle a flirty guy.”

Jeff stared at me.He rolled his eyes and punched my shoulder.“Hey,if you want to date a player,go ahead,”he teased,but I could still hear the tension in his voice.

I laughed anyway and turned away from him.“Whatever.Besides,who said I wanted to date him?”I smiled into the dark as he scooted closer.“And so what if I do?It’s not like you don’t have someone you want to date,too.Someone,by the way,you still haven’t told me about!”

“Shut up and go to sleep,”he ordered,his voice rough.

I couldn’t believe how happy I felt just knowing Jeff didn’t hate me.He didn’t pull me close,but I was too happy to care.Besides,in the middle of the night,I woke to find his right arm draped over my waist,holding me tightly to his chest.I was torn between wanting to enjoy the moment and needing to empty my bladder.

Unfortunately,nature called pretty intensely,so I got out of bed as quietly as I could and padded to the bathroom.It was a little chilly,so I did my business fairly quickly before I dashed back into the bedroom.

Jeff was still asleep,so I slid under the covers and debated whether to scoot back into spooning again.I mean,was it really fair of me?He was doing it only to comfort me.Hell,he probably didn’t even realize he had done it.It wasn’t really right for me to take advantage of the situation.

Damn!I really wanted to be in his arms.But I knew my reasons were different than his.I sighed and forced myself to stay on my side of the bed.

“What are you doing?”Jeff mumbled sleepily.

“Nothing.Sorry,I didn’t mean to wake you up.Just had to pee.”

“I’m cold.”He hauled me into his space,wrapping his arms around me again.

I swear,if hearts could sing,mine did right then.All those silly songs about love and fireworks and electricity suddenly made sense.I was happy,and even though I knew it probably wasn’t right,I was going to stay in denial for the moment and let myself fall asleep in his embrace.

He nuzzled his face into my neck and I tingled all over.“Better,”he whispered.