Chapter 19
Jeff was already in the room and looked surprised to see me in a towel.“Hey,”he said as he sat on the edge of the bed.“I thought you would already be asleep.”
“Yeah,I decided I needed a shower.”I pulled out a clean pair of boxers.I almost grabbed a shirt,but noticed that Jeff wasn’t wearing one.I decided to follow suit.I began to turn away to get dressed,but paused.“Hey,we forgot to pick up your regular body wash.I used that other one.”
“Why didn’t you use yours?Didn’t we bring it from your house?”
“Shit.”I laughed.“Completely forgot it was even in there.I just grabbed yours.”
A smile tugged at his lips.“Admit it,Aaron,you just want to smell like me.”
He teased,but deep down,I knew he was right.My face heated.“Whatever,man.”
He laughed as he climbed under the covers.
I waited until he turned away before I dropped the towel and pulled on the boxer briefs.I climbed into bed and slid under the covers,facing away from him.
He turned off the lamp on his bedside table,and we lay in the dark for a few minutes.
“Aaron?Earlier today…when you said it was your fault…”
I tensed.“Yeah?”
He cleared his throat and the bed shuddered as he turned over.“You know that’s not true,right?I mean,this was notyour fault.In any way.”
“Yes,it was,”I whispered as I rolled onto my back.“I should have been man enough to stop him years ago.”
“It’s nottrue.You were a kid.”He grasped my wrist.
“I’m not a kid anymore,Jeff.I should have handled him before this.”My throat tightened.I was sick about failing my mom,yet Jeff’s touch sent jolts of electricity through my body.
“But you did.Last night,you shoved him.”
“Too late.”
“Let me ask you something,Aaron.”He pulled my wrist.“Hey,look at me.”
I turned on my side.We stared into each other’s eyes,our faces only inches apart.Moonlight filtered in through the blinds,giving a silvery-blue tint to his skin.My breath caught in my throat;he was gorgeous.
Luckily,he seemed oblivious to my thoughts.“Has your dad ever been that angry?”
“Not really.He hates my mom and hits her pretty often.She hides it.Well,she triesto hide it,but we see the bruises.But I’ve never seen him do anything like this.When I became a teenager,I wanted to fight him off,but my mom begged me over and over to let her handle it.”I closed my eyes.“I shouldn’t have listened.I was more concerned about myself,worried about being sent to a foster home with my sister.I didn’t know what to do.”
“Why do you think he got so violent last night?”
I sighed and opened my eyes.“He’s been drinking more.A lot more.He’s also been calling me more names than he used to.”
Jeff looked shocked.“What does he call you?”
I rolled my eyes.“Anything he wants.Fairy,faggot,loser,you name it,he’s said it.”
“That’s horrible!”
I nodded,feeling worn out.“Yeah.”
We fell silent for a moment,both lost in thought.
“You are the bravest person I’ve ever met,”he whispered.
My eyes widened.“What?”
“You lived with a dad that was so hateful and mean,yet you went back every day to make sure your mom and sister were okay.You are old enough to move out,and a lot of kids would have done that.That’s brave.”
“I couldn’t leave them,Jeff.They needed some protection,as little as it might be.See,years ago,I learned that while I wasn’t necessarily strong enough to fight him,and my mom didn’t want me to anyway,I could distract him enough to get him to forget what he was doing and get my mom to her room safely.Since he always seemed to hate me so much when I’d start talking,it pissed him off enough he would turn toward me.”I gave a rueful smile.“Lucky for me,I could slip into my room before he figured out where I was.By then,he would hit the sofa and pass out.”
Jeff threw up his hand.“See?You’re brave.”
I searched his face,his eyes.Was he just being a good friend and trying to make me feel better?No,I knew him well enough to see he was being honest.
“Oh,my God,”he exclaimed as he shot up in bed.“This is why you won’t go away to college with me!”
I finally nodded.“I couldn’t leave them.”
He fell back on the mattress.“I understand now.I get it.”His gaze dropped to my lips for a moment before he heaved a sigh.“Get some sleep.”
“Yeah.”
“You know that alarm is going to go off pretty damn early,”he teased.
I had just turned onto my other side,but I reached back and tried to smack him.I missed,and he laughed.
“Night,Jeff.”
“Night.”
I saw his face.His rage.He wanted to kill me.He lunged at me.
I froze.I had nowhere to turn.
“No!Dad,please!Don’t kill me!”I screamed,shaking with fear.
But he only laughed.
He shook me and I shivered.“No!”
I heard my name being called from somewhere in the distance.
“Aaron.Aaron.”
“Where are you?”I pleaded.“Help me!”
“Aaron.I’m here.Wake up.”
My eyes fluttered open and I saw Jeff leaning over me.My whole body shook while tears ran down my cheeks.
“Jeff?”I whispered.
Concern filled his eyes.“Yeah,it’s me.It’s okay.It was just a nightmare.You were just dreaming.”
My breathing was choppy,and I willed myself to calm down.“It was my da—I mean father.He was trying to…Oh,God,he was trying to kill me.”
“You’re okay,Aaron.You’re right here with me.You were talking in your sleep.”
“I was?”I hadn’t done that in years—well,not that I knew of—although I used to talk in my sleep a lot as a child.
“Yeah,but you’re okay now.”With Jeff’s voice calming me,I instinctively rolled onto my side and backed up against him.
He didn’t say a word,just wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer,gently stroking my hair just as he had done the night before.I sighed contentedly.
“You okay?”he whispered.I felt his hot breath on my neck and wiggled against him without really thinking.His body tensed for a second,but then he relaxed and held me tighter.
“Yeah.I’m good,Jeff,”I whispered.“I’m really good.”I slid my arm on top of his and rested my hand on his.He didn’t pull away,so I grew braver and entwined our fingers until our hands curled into each other.
“Aaron?”he whispered.
“Yeah?”
But he stayed quiet.I squeezed his hand and sighed.
“Good-night,Aaron.”
“Mmm.”I murmured,already drifting off.I wasn’t sure what was really going on between us.All I knew was I felt happy and safe and cared for.