Chapter 9: Nine

When my parents dies, it was as if I had lost my life as well. It was as if everything I had was burned right in front of me.

It’s hard to believe, and little by little, with each passing day, I can't just let my mind absorb everything.

Soon, by unexpected chance. . . on the day I hated so much, they were gone. . . leaving me alone.

In the months after their death, I just couldn’t grasp that they were gone — both of them. It was as if my brain just wouldn’t accept that they were gone forever, letting me alone in agony.

After some time—I couldn’t tell how much my brain dealt with things in a different way. Everything was different for me. I can’t see the world. . . the world collapsed at the same time as the loss of my parents. I seemed to accept that they were gone and didn’t find me about calling them anymore. But even so, they still always visit my dream.

In that dream, they are happy. They just smile at me and congratulate me on something they enjoy so much, even though I can’t hear it.

They seem at peace. . . they seem happy.

Things that I miss so much. . . .

Something I would love to see over and over again.

In my dreams, they seem real that I never thought of waking up again, knowing that I’ll never see them again. Knowing that they were gone forever and only in my dream, much, they will be seen again.

Waking up would just take me away from them. I’d wake up with tears on my pillow but had left the sadness in the dream and didn’t feel upset at all.

As I said at the start, not a day goes by that I don’t miss them. I still get upset from time to time.

I always wanted to repent, but I know you can’t prove anything.

Now that I’ve learned so much, I’m just trying on accepting everything. We still have a lot to go through but we must always remember that time is moving faster than we know. Every minute or second counts, so while we are there and with our parents, let them know how much we love them and how important they are in our lives.

Be thankful for them for giving us life, especially for the sacrifices they made, just to give us a better future. Apologize for all the mistakes we made and the times we made them cry and finally, tell them the words, ‘‘I love you’’ or ‘‘I love you mom and dad’’.

‘‘Thank you, I’m sorry, I love you,’’ are simple words that I will wish I could say more to them for the rest of my life.

At that moment, I could think of nothing else but my parents.

The words I love to say to them.

To my parents. . .

I thank you both for the insatiable love. You are my backbone in times I can no longer afford the struggles in life, the weight of the wod. You are the one who gives strength every time it goes out like a candle.

You built my life. . . From the time I was born until now; I owe it all to you. . .

You are a big part of my personality. You did not leave me in times of difficulty and when I had no one to cling to.

I remember when I was a child. . . when I was clingy and a crybaby, you always give me whatever I ask. You are lutting my welfare first more than anything which I loved and appreciate the most.

You have shaped my personality. . . thank you for those words that I’ll promise to keep and I will never forget.

You always said before, you were happy to see me finish my studies. So, you worked hard to provide for my needs. . . even how exhausted and tired are you for working, day and night—everyday.

You are truly my superheroes, since day one and to the days to many years that had passed.

It’s hard to accept that you left me all alone now. . . because you said you wouldn’t leave me until I reached my dream.

You promised that you would be with me when I finally got my diploma and my dream job.

But this promise will be nailed down somewhere just because you have left—you left me.

I still have a lot to do. I want to do all the things that you’ve wanted and planned for me.

It is true that there are things that will happen that you do not expect, but you will learn a lot from them.

And when you left, I learned a lot.

As I grew up, the good lessons and advice you said. . . I will take that as a guide.

All your plans for me, I promise to reach it with the confidence in my heart because i know, you’ll always be there for me.

I can’t even see you, touch you, and kiss you. . . but then, I know you are always watching me.

I must admit that when you left. . . I cried a lot. I was hurt and sad. I was devastated. My time stopped. My world crashed. But for now; I am happy because I know you are happy because you are with Him and I know you will never forget me, your one and only daughter.

Thank you very much, and goodbye.

Until we meet again. . .

Losing my parents means losing my life, and I felt that I died with them.

But today. . . I wanted to live.