Chapter 7: Seven

It’s true what they say that you can never really understand what it’s like until it happens to you. I didn’t really know how it felt then. All I know is, I’m happy with what’s happening. I’m happy with my parents, I’m happy with life, and I know I have nothing else to ask for.

I can’t describe what it might have felt like, but I’m sure of one thing–it will always be so painful. It hurts so much to think your world is falling apart.

I once described losing my parents as like the sky suddenly falling down. I can’t stand it, I’m sure of it. My parents had always been there for me. The sacrifice they made for me is unforgivable. All parents have been like that. . right? They are willing to do everything just for their children, even if their life would be on the line. Parents will not hesitate to sacrifice, even if they live in exchange for their children. Parents love their children very much.

If there are many trials in life or their children experience extreme hardship, the parents will do everything they can so that the children do not experience severe pain and frustration in life. They will do everything they can for the sake of their children. Parents cannot afford to see their children suffer. No matter what trials come, they can cope just for their children.

They’ve always been like that.

And I know, I can no longer compensate for the sacrifices they made for me. . . I can no longer make them feel how important they are to me, how much I love them, and it tortures me.

They taught me how to walk, speak, read and write. They guided me on the right path. Although they were troubled about where the school they should take us, they will do everything so that we could study in a nice and high-quality school.

But then, until now I still wonder if I was really a good child for them.

When I grew up, I learned how to be accountable to parents. We also learned how to disobey their commandments. I seemed to suddenly forget the sacrifices they made for me.

There is only one thing I have repeatedly proven to be something that I also deeply regret—their love for us is so immeasurable that even if we turn our backs, hurt and drive them away, they are still ready to accept and love us.

My mother carried me for nine months, gave birth to me, was the first sight I ever set my eyes upon. My parents fed me when I was hungry, got no sleep for months when I woke them up crying at night, changed my diapers, watched me smile when I recognized their faces, start to crawl, take my first steps, say my first word.

See? They were always there for me. Every memory I’ve ever had growing up has them in it.

When I was upset, my mom and dad were there to cheer me up. When I needed advice, it was her. Then I only sought out. And when I stepped out of line, it was only them who’d put me back in step.

They are always the best people in the world. I was lucky to have strong, loving parents, who I always knew were on my side — all the time. People who would do anything for me and gave me the perfect upbringing that made me the best version of myself today. They were the most wonderful person I’ve ever known.

But then, life has always been this unfair. We will never expect the sky to fall down. The sky is always there and always will be. And that’s exactly how I felt about their death.

Life is a continuous learning experience, that’s what I’ve proven from everything that has happened, and I know it will come through me. We could fall down and rise again in our lives—repeatedly, pick up anything, pick up lessons that we can use against all our problems. Some of these lessons came from our experiences, yet there are others that we learn to watch others or read books.

But then, there are many life lessons that we simply cannot learn until we face certain situations in our life. There are lessons that we cannot simply know the reason they came. There are situations where the lesson doesn’t seem to be immediately apparent, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get anything out of it.

So, in order to be prepared in our lives, we must walk our own path—we must walk through our own journey. We shouldn’t ever hesitate when we know that we need to move. . . that we need action.

Carpe diem.

Seize the day.

We often cannot do that thing because of self-doubt, because our self-confidence is low. . . because we think we can’t do something. This hesitation keeps us from moving forward and puts us in a cage of wondering what might have been, not totally risking a chance of what we should want to do in life.

We need to take a risk. Even if we are not sure of the outcome, we gamble, especially if we believe in that thing.

In fact, I, myself, am overwhelming proof that good things are not easy to get.

Good things don’t come easy as we thought it to be.

Happiness? You have to cry like a river first.

Peace? You need to face never-ending chaos before you get in that place.

Love? You must first learn to love yourself.

Respect? You first need to value others more.

Pain? That. . . that’s all that will always remain.

No one is going to fight your battles with the same vigor and devotion except you.

Except me. Except you, Maeluthe.

The loss of my parents, the separation from anyone. . . kids, classmates, other friends and relatives, the new life I have to face, the new memories, and the unforgivable pain.

For me, all of that was enough, but no matter how many times I wished the problem would end, the pain of thinking that what I was learning was enough, that I knew there was more to come.

We should not have asked that it should have stopped. We should’ve just ask for strength. We should just ask for help and guidance.

You see, we must know that every experience in life is designed to shape you and reform you into the ultimate and greatest version of yourself that you could possibly be.

We can’t control why or how things might happen, we can only control how we respond to such things. Sometimes things need to happen because I think sometimes we need to be sure of something.

Everything happens for a reason. No matter how hard things seem to be, there is always a reason for them—and that is what we must learn and figure out.

Some days you’ll find yourself thinking that things will never get better, but things can turn around overnight and be back on track.

Those hard times can make you feel stronger and they can help create the person you are trying to be.

Right now, I feel like I’m going to die of losing them. . . missing them every second of my life, but I know the day will come when we’ll be together again.

For now, I really shouldn’t be surprised. From now on, I need to be even more resilient to whatever the world throws at me. Whatever is to come.

Above all, I should expect the unexpected.

Expect the unexpected—unexpected things like the thing I am holding now.

His hands.