Chapter 62 T MINUS GO TIME
MERRIELYNN.
I pushed the door to Emorie’s room open without knocking, something I usually wouldn’t do.
But today, I didn’t have it in me to care about etiquette.
She was sitting at her vanity, holding a small mirror in one hand and an eyeliner pen in the other, her face scrunched in concentration. The black line she was drawing on her eyelid was sharp and perfect, the kind of thing I’d never have the patience or coordination to pull off.
“Hold on,” she muttered, not even looking up. Her focus was completely on her winged liner, and I stood there, awkward and restless, waiting for her to finish.
A few seconds later, she leaned back and admired her handiwork. “Perfect,” she said with a satisfied smile before finally glancing at me.
Her expression shifted when she saw me. “Mere?”
I sat down heavily on her bed, the mattress dipping under my weight. “I need to talk,” I said, my voice already trembling.
Emorie spun in her chair to face me, a frown forming on her lips. “What’s going on? Why did you ditch school earlier?”
The question was like a pin bursting a balloon. I exhaled, feeling the words claw their way up my throat. “Cormac,” I said, my voice cracking. “He’s in a rut.”
Her eyes widened immediately, and her makeup brush slipped out of her hand, clattering onto the table. “What?” she said, her voice sharp with disbelief. “Are you serious? A rut? Like… rut, rut?”
I nodded. “Yeah, that one.”
Emorie stood up and started pacing, her hands gesturing wildly. “Mere, you know what that means, right? Chaos... did he already... do you know what happens during a rut? That he can’t control it? That he’ll... that he might—”
“I know,” I interrupted, squeezing my eyes shut as if that could block out the weight of her words. “I know what it means.”
Emorie stopped pacing and looked at me, her face a mix of concern and fear. “Then what are you going to do?” she asked, her voice quieter now, like she was afraid to hear my answer.
“I went to see him,” I admitted, picking at a loose thread on her bedspread. “I don’t even know why, but ever since I marked him, I feel like I can… I don’t know, sense him somehow.”
She tilted her head, intrigued. “Sense him? Like, what do you mean?”
“It’s hard to explain.” I frowned, trying to find the right words. “When I marked him, it was like—like I wasn’t alone in my own head anymore. Emorie, I could feel things—emotions—that weren’t mine.”
Emorie’s eyes narrowed. “What emotions?”
“How do I put it,” I said slowly, my voice soft as the memory came back to me. “His anger. His longing. And this… this pain. It was so strong, like it wasn’t just physical. It was deeper than that.”
“Pain?” she echoed, her brows knitting together. “Do you think he’s sick or something?”
I shook my head. “No, it wasn’t that kind of pain. It felt… internal. Emotional.”
Emorie sat down next to me on the bed, her gaze searching my face. “Since you marked him, doesn’t that mean you can feel his emotions all the time now? Like, I mean, shouldn’t you always have that connection? Isn't that how it'll work from now on. ”
I hesitated. She wasn’t wrong—at least, not entirely. “That’s what I thought at first,” I admitted, “but after I felt those emotions, they disappeared. It was like… like he blocked me out.”
Her eyes widened again. “You think he knows how to block you?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding slowly. “I think he does.”
We sat in silence for a moment, the weight of everything hanging heavily between us. Finally, I broke it. “I’ve made a decision,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
Emorie turned to me, her expression wary. “What decision?”
“I’m going to have sex with him,” I said, the words tumbling out of my mouth before I could second-guess them.
Her reaction was instant. Her face went pale, and her mouth fell open. “What?”
I dropped my face into my hands, the heat of embarrassment burning my cheeks. “It’s the only way,” I mumbled, my voice muffled by my hands.
“The only way?” she repeated, her voice rising in disbelief.
I lifted my head, feeling the frustration bubbling up inside me. “What else am I supposed to do, Emotie? I can’t keep living like this. The bond is already messing with my head, and if I don’t… if I don’t go through with it, I could end up stuck with his mark forever. Or... maimed by his wolf. I can’t—” My voice cracked again, and I swallowed hard, trying to keep my composure.
“But…” Emorie trailed off, her eyes darting around the room like she was searching for some kind of solution. Finally, she looked at me again, her voice tentative. “Have you ever had sex before?”
I shook my head, unable to meet her gaze.
Her expression shifted to something I couldn’t quite read—concern, maybe, or disappointment. “So Chaos is going to be your first?”
“It’s not the worst thing in the world,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant, but even I could hear the doubt in my voice.
Emorie looked like she’d been punched in the gut. She sat back, staring at me like she was trying to figure out how to respond.
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted, my voice small. “But I’ve made up my mind, and I don’t want to back out.”
Emorie was quiet for a long moment before finally speaking. “How can I help?”
I looked at her, my chest tightening with a mix of relief and dread.
The words left my mouth before I could stop them. “Prep me.”