Chapter 31 WHAT IS MY LIFE?
MERRIELYNN.
As I ran out of the classroom, my eyes filled with hot, stinging tears.
I wiped them away as I moved, but the tears kept coming, blurring my vision and filling me with this helpless, bitter feeling. Valtor’s face had been so full of anger, and I couldn’t understand why.
Why was he so interested in my necklace? It was just an old piece of jewelry I’d had for as long as I could remember—well, at least as long as I’d been living in the foster home.
It had sentimental value, to me. Just me. Even though I didn’t know why.
Lost in thought and barely able to breathe, I didn’t even realize where I was going. My feet just took me down the hallway.
Suddenly, I slammed into something hard, and I staggered back, almost falling over.
When I looked up, I saw Cormac standing in front of me, his face twisted in anger. His green eyes burned as he looked down at me, taking in my tear-streaked face and probably the panic written all over it. Then he glanced back toward the classroom I’d just run out of, where Valtor still was.
Cormac’s anger only fueled my own.
I shoved past him and spat out, “You need to keep me out of the mess that is your life.” My voice shook with the words, and I could feel more tears coming. I quickly wiped them away, not wanting him to see me like this.
Without waiting for a response, I walked away from him as fast as I could, trying to keep my head held high even though I felt broken inside.
By the time I got back to my dorm room, the weight of everything was pressing down on me. My knees felt weak, and I barely made it to my bed before I crumpled onto it, hiding my face in my hands. I felt like I was falling apart. Why did Valtor care so much about my necklace? Why did his anger make me feel so afraid? It was like a fog was hanging over everything, and I couldn’t see clearly.
A gentle hand touched my shoulder, and I looked up to see Emorie sitting next to me. Her eyes were filled with concern. She didn’t say anything right away, just sat with me as I tried to pull myself together. Eventually, she spoke, her voice soft and comforting.
“Mere, what happened back there?” she asked.
I took a shaky breath, trying to steady myself. “I… I don’t even know where to begin,” I whispered. “Everything feels so foggy, like I’m missing pieces of myself.” I forced myself to look at her, my voice barely a whisper. “Emorie, we agreed to tell each other things, right?”
Emorie nodded, reaching out to hold my hand. “Yes, always. You can tell me anything.”
I struggled with where to start. How could I explain this feeling, this emptiness? “It’s just… I know I’m an orphan, and I know I’ve lived in the foster home. But beyond that, it’s like there’s nothing. I can’t remember anything else. And then there’s this necklace…” My hand went up to touch the scar on the back of my neck without even thinking. I rubbed it absentmindedly, feeling the slight ridge under my fingers.
Emorie’s face was full of worry now. “What do you mean you can’t remember anything else?”
I shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know. It’s like… like I woke up one day in the foster home, and everything before that is a blank. I feel like half of my life is missing.” My voice broke as I spoke, and I clenched my fists to stop my hands from shaking. “And it’s not just that. I keep having these nightmares. They’re getting worse, Emorie. Almost every night, I see this girl I don’t recognize. She’s drowning, or maybe she’s already drowned. She has this beautiful black hair, and she’s… she’s just haunting me. I see her face nearly every night, and I have no idea who she is.”
Emorie’s brow furrowed. She reached out like she wanted to touch the scar on my neck, but I flinched back instinctively, gently pushing her hand away.
“Don’t… don’t touch it,” I whispered.
For a few moments, neither of us spoke. I could see the questions in Emorie’s eyes, but I didn’t have any answers. All I had were these fragments of memories, the nightmares, and the weight of something I couldn’t explain.
“Do you think… maybe it means something?” Emorie asked cautiously, as if she didn’t want to upset me.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But it scares me. Every time I think about it, I feel like there’s something I should remember, something important. But it’s just out of reach.”
Emorie squeezed my hand, offering me a small, comforting smile. “We’ll figure it out, Mere. You’re not alone. Whatever this is, we’ll get through it together.”
Her words were kind, but I still felt that hollow ache inside me. How could I figure out something I didn’t even understand? The nightmares, the scar, the necklace—each piece felt like a clue to a puzzle I couldn’t solve. But at least I wasn’t facing it alone. Emorie was here with me, and that was enough to make me feel just a little bit stronger.
For now, that would have to be enough.
Her eyes flicked to the scar, and then she looked back at me with a questioning gaze. “How did you get that scar, Mere?”
I bit my lip, my heart pounding.
I wanted to answer, but no words came.
The truth was, I didn’t know how I’d gotten the scar. I had no memory of it, and the realization made me feel more lost than ever.
And after I voiced it out, silence stretched between us again, filling the room with an uncomfortable tension.
Finally, Emorie spoke again, her voice low. “That’s… strange,” she said, a hint of hesitation in her words.
I nodded, feeling a shiver run down my spine. “Yes,” I said, my voice barely more than a whisper. “Yes, it is.”