Chapter 135 good goodbye
CHAOS.
Merrielynn’s footsteps faded behind me, and then it was just us.
Valtor and I.
Like it had been since we were kids.
Except now there was a tree branch sticking out of his chest and blood everywhere, and I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t do anything except kneel here with my hands shaking over a wound that was going to kill him.
I didn’t know what to say.
My throat was tight and my eyes were burning. I was so angry I could barely breathe.
But underneath all that anger was something worse. Something that felt like my chest was being ripped open.
“You really fucked everything up,” I finally said.
Valtor laughed, and it turned into a wet cough that brought up more blood. “Yeah,I did.”
I looked at the branch. At his chest barely rising and falling. My hands were still hovering uselessly and I didn’t know what to do with them. I curled them into fists.
I didn’t fucking know what to do with any of this."I-I should pull it out.”
“We both know... that’ll just make it worse.” His voice was already getting weaker.
He was right.
The branch was the only thing keeping him from bleeding out completely. The second I removed it, he’d be gone in minutes.
Maybe seconds.
My jaw clenched so hard my teeth hurt.“There has to be something—”
“There’s not.” He wheezed. “And you know it.”
I did know it.We both did.
But I didn’t want to accept it.
Silence stretched between us. Just his labored breathing and the sound of blood dripping onto stone.
“Remember when we stole your dad’s boat when we were fourteen?” Valtor asked suddenly.
I clenched my jaw, looking away from him. I didn’t want to indulge him, or this.
It was too hard.
“That summer. We took it out... without asking.” He coughed, his whole body shuddering. “Almost sank the damn thing.”
I kept my eyes fixed on the cave wall, not responding.
“You were panicking... the whole time. You kept saying... your dad was going to kill us.” Another wet cough. “I told you... to relax. That we’d be fine.”
Despite myself, I let out this sound that was almost a scoff. “We weren’t fine.”
My sister and I had a bad habit of stealing our parents expensive gadgets when we were teens.
It all seemed like forever ago.
“No. We weren’t.” I could hear the faint smile in his voice. “But we got back... didn’t we? Somehow... we always ended up okay.”
I shook my head slowly, still not looking at him. How the fuck did we end up here? How did we go from two kids stealing a boat to this?
“How did this happen?” The words came out rough. “How did we get here?”
“I got lost I guess,” Valtor said simply. “After she died... I got so lost... I couldn’t find my way back.”
I finally looked at him then.
At all the blood. At my best friend dying.
“You tried to... help me. I know you did.” His breathing was getting worse. “But I didn’t want... to be helped. I wanted to... stay angry. Because the anger... was easier than... the grief.”
“It wasn’t easier,” I said. “Look where it got you.”
“I know.” His eyes met mine. “I know exactly... where it got me.”
The silence that fell was heavier than before.
“I’m not sorry,” Valtor said quietly.
Something twisted in my chest. “What?”
“I’m not sorry... for loving her. For grieving her.” He coughed and more blood came up. “I’m not sorry... for being angry that... she’s gone and I’m still here.” His hand moved slightly. “But I am sorry... that I forgot... what mattered.”
“And what was that?”
“You.” His voice cracked. “You mattered. You were my brother... and I threw that away.”
I grabbed his hand before I could stop myself.
His fingers were so cold it scared me.
“You were my brother too,” I said, and my voice was breaking. “You are my brother and you—” I couldn’t finish.
“I know.” Tears were sliding down his face now, cutting through the blood. “I know what I did. And I know... there’s no fixing it.”
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Then why—”
“Because I don’t want... the last thing I say to you... to be about her.” I knew he meant Merrielynn. “I don’t want... my last moments... to be about hate. Or blame. Or any of it.”
My vision blurred.
“I just want... to remember when... we were kids. When everything was... simple.” His breathing was getting shallower. “When it was just... you and me... against the world.”
“It should still be that,” I choked out.
“I know.”
“We were supposed to—” My voice broke. “We were going to—”
“I know.”
His hand squeezed mine so weakly I almost didn’t feel it.
“Take care of yourself... Graves.”
“Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t do this.”
“I’m glad it’s you,” Valtor said, his voice barely there now. “I’m glad... the last thing I see... is my best friend.”
His hand went slack in mine. His chest stopped moving.
And he was gone.
I sat there holding his hand, staring at his face, waiting for him to breathe again.
“No.” The word barely made it out. “No, come on. Valtor."
Nothing.
“Don’t you fucking leave me.” Tears were streaming down my face. “Not you too. Please not you too.”
But he was already gone.
Time stopped making sense.
Everything narrowed down to his cold hand in mine, his blood on the stone, the silence where his breathing should have been.
Then I felt warmth on my shoulder. A hand.
Merrielynn knelt down beside me and wrapped her arms around me.
And right there in the darkness of that cave, I cried for my best friend.