Chapter 28

AVERY

With Mariah in the car, there had been an illusion of some barrier between us. She had occupied him with conversation which meant I hadn't necessarily had to open my mouth. Now that she was gone and it was just me and him in the car, there was no pretending. There was no running away.

From all the truths and the awkwardness associated with them.

He looked really serious and maybe even a little bit sad. Like the conversation we were about to have was very important and vital and he was actually worried about fucking it up.

Like he was actually starting to take me seriously.

But at the same time, it could all just be in my head. It could just be me making stuff out into more than they actually were.

I wasn't going to fool myself. Again.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Us."

I was pretty sure my heart skipped a beat

"What do you mean us?"

He sighed when he finally caught on to my mood. I was tense, my hands folded in a defensive posture and I wasn't even looking at him. My eyes were trained on the windscreen in front of me and, well, my expression wasn't a friendly one.

"Avery...."

He moved across the centre console to touch my arm and I drew back before he could reach me because I knew that if he touched me, I would break and then I wouldn't be able to hold on to the little slip of anger I had mustered.

I hated that he got to me easily like that.

"Can you talk, Cyrus?" I sighed-not because I was exasperated, but because I was losing the hold I had on anger-and my shoulders dropped. I was tired all of a sudden, "I need to get back to the dorms. It's pretty late and I have things to do." Then on a murmur, I added, "And I really shouldn't be staying out late anymore."

I hadn't intended for him to hear that last part, but unfortunately, he did.

"Why? Did something happen again?"

"Even if it did, it's none of your business." I snapped at him. "I'm not your business."

I knew that I was bring unnecessarily mean to him and I didn't like it. I felt guilty as hell. I mean the man just went out of his way to drop us home and get us food-not in that order and not that I asked him to-so the least I could do was be nice to him.

But I guess nice was out of the window where my heart was concerned. Okay, heart was pushing it. I wanted to date the man, not marry him. But he hurt my feelings. And I, in turn, was lashing out at him as much as I could. To hurt him back. Even if every aspect of my being loathed it.

He sighed again. A soul deep, bone weary sigh that had me turning to look at him despite my best efforts. That was a wrong move, because the moment I did, I wanted to crawl across the centre console and onto his lap. I wanted to hug him and wipe all traces of tiredness from his face.

Because he did look tired. Very tired. It made me wonder what was going on with him.

He dragged his hand down his face and with his eyes straight ahead, started talking, "I'm not..... I'm not used to this, Avery. I don't..." He struggled to find his words, "I don't know how."

He turned and met my eyes with his somber grey ones. "I don't know how this works. I have feelings for you." He chuckled bitterly, "Hell, feelings is such a small word compared to what I actually feel inside me. That's downplaying it and I actually wish it's as easy as it sounds."

My heart was in my throat as I listened to him talk. I was frozen on my seat, not able to move a muscle. I wanted to scream and I wanted to die of excitement that I was finally getting to hear what I always wanted to. That my fantasy was becoming a reality, but I could do neither of those things because he had rendered me incapable of movement and, I was sure, speech too.

"That first night I came to the bar?" He asked to no one in particular, "When I saw you, it was like the breath got knocked out of me. You were so fucking beautiful that it hurt to look at you and then I saw other guys in the bar staring-how could they not?-and I wanted to rip their eyes out. Better still, I wanted to steal you. Take you somewhere else only I could look at you." He paused on a breath. "I wanted to make you mine. And it sucks that I couldn't. It sucks that I can't."

I hadn't uttered a single word since he started talking because somehow, I knew that he wouldn't want to be interrupted. He seemed to be pouring out his heart. And I, in turn, wanted to pour out mine.

So he had been feeling this way about me all along? All those times I beat myself up over whether he actually had feelings for me too or if it was a one sided thing. All those times I couldn't focus on my work, when my mind would drift to him and I would feel sad that I couldn't reach him. That he didn't care about me.

What did he mean when he said he couldn't do anything about how he felt? Did he have someone else?

My stomach dropped when I thought about the possibility that he could already have someone else. What did I expect from a man as pretty-and nice-as he was? Did I expect a woman not to have snatched him up already?

I was scared of the answer, but I had to ask.

"Why can't you?"

"I shouldn't." He murmured as he extended his hand to brush across the side of my lips. I couldn't fight the full body shiver that went through me. "I really shouldn't. And if I were a better person, maybe I wouldn't. But I'm not, and I can't."

His hand slid away from my lips as he withdrew it and I didn't know what came over me but I chased his touch. I just couldn't let it go, not after finally experiencing it when I had dreamed of it for a very very long time.

His eyes widened as he watched me crawl across the console and onto his thighs. At first it seemed like he didn't know what to make of this new development and then it was like a switch went off inside him as he wrapped his hands around my waist and pulled me into him. Into a hug.

My arms would around his neck and I placed my head beside his. I felt his breaths on my neck and they tickled the baby hairs at the nape of my neck. His hard body felt so good and warm molded to mine that I didn't want to leave there at all.

Ask me my favourite place in the world and I would tell you that it was in Cyrus' arms.

This was fast becoming the best hug I had ever given or received which was why it hurt to pull back because he wasn't done talking.

We weren't done talking.

Hooded grey eyes watched me as I leaned back. I was careful to not wiggle on him, because, well, I was on a man's laps and the littlest movements would excite him. Not that I minded him being excited-not one bit-but we were having an important conversation that could make or break us and now wasn't the time.

Didn't know if he got that memo though because his hands slid slowly from my waist upwards. He had really big hands and when they gripped my waist like that, his fingers almost touched. I found that really hot. So hot that I was the one that had to struggle to focus.

"I can't sleep, eat, or work without thinking about you, and even when I sleep, you invade my dreams." He admitted quietly.

From this position, with me on top of him, he had to look up at me to talk and since usually I was the one that had to look up at him, I liked it. Everything about him was turning me on at this point.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try. You infiltrated my thoughts, my mind, my body and there's no way to get you out." His voice was gruff with honesty, "I've tried. I failed. Frankly, I don't want to try anymore. I want you."

He seemed so honest, so beautiful, so vulnerably exposed that I had to give him a truth too.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about you too."

"Fuck, Avery." His eyes slid shut as his head fell backwards, almost like the weight of my admission was too much for him to carry.

When he opened them, they were glossed over and filled with so much emotion that I couldn't begin to name them even if I tried.

"I really want you, Avery."

And then I uttered the riskiest truth of all, "I want you too."