Chapter 14: Hopeless

Two months later, James and Elizabeth were called to the throne room. Elizabeth insisted Emelia tag along since she was her only lady in waiting. Emelia tried to escape it, but it was inevitable. She could feel her heart pounding, her stomach in knots, as she saw James ahead. She had been avoiding him for months, but here she was, being dragged into the same room with him. She had never felt more exposed, vulnerable, and small.

Despite her confusion and other feelings towards Princess Elizabeth, Emelia was gradually warming to the idea of having someone her age around the castle. Queen Angeline had several ladies-in-waiting whom she had known for years, but none were particularly close to Emelia. As she and Elizabeth began spending more time together, Emelia felt a tiny spark of friendship between them.

Elizabeth floated gracefully towards James, a smile blossoming on her lips. They had been spending more time together, getting to know one another. Just the evening before, they had gone horseback riding and enjoyed a pleasant afternoon together. Emelia watched from the shadows, her features softening with something resembling sadness. James glanced back at Emelia, his expression almost melancholy before his gaze was diverted to his grandmother. Angeline cleared her throat gently, halting any further longing glances between the two.

“I’ll get right to it,” Queen Angeline settled into her throne, the sun spilling in through the windows and cascading down her slim frame. She took a deep breath and spoke in a measured clear tone. “Your father has relieved King Leon of his duties on the frontlines for the next few months. He has returned home to Iris,” The Queen gestured with her hands, demonstrating the grandness of the events she was about to describe. “His kingdom is throwing a ball in honor of his return” She paused and looked at James. “I would like you and Elizabeth to attend.”

“Of course.” Elizabeth’s face lit up with joy. She clasped her hands together in front of her and asked hopefully, “Can I bring Emelia along?”

Queen Angeline slowly turned to Emelia, her eyes twinkling mischievously. She clapped her hands with delight; her silver rings bouncing in the room’s soft light. “Absolutely!” she exclaimed with a sly, almost evil grin. “Emelia will be there to help you get ready for your first appearance as future husband and wife.”

Elizabeth turned to James, a radiant smile spreading across her face. She laced her tiny, delicate fingers with his and gently squeezed. Emelia felt a lump in her throat as she watched the tender exchange, and she felt uncomfortable, as if she were intruding on a private moment. She could not look up and meet James’ gaze, so instead, she fixed her eyes on the ground.

Elizabeth bounded over to Emelia, her eyes alight with excitement. She grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the bedroom, saying, “You must help me pack!”

“Uh... Of course.” Emelia furrowed her brows, confusion etching its way into her features as Elizabeth grabbed her arm and tugged her out of the room with an almost desperate force.

* * *

The following morning, Emelia was focused on the pages of a thick tome in the library. Her head was bent, her eyes devouring the words like a thirsty traveler searching for a drink. She had read most of the works in this room, and her curiosity for knowledge seemed never-ending. Just as she was about to turn the page, her moment of bliss was broken by a familiar voice calling her name, “Emelia.” She looked up to see James standing at the edge of the table; his hands stuffed into his pockets. She hadn’t heard him come in and wondered how long he had been watching her.

He craned his neck to see what held her rapt attention and saw a paper filled with colorful diagrams. “Military Formations?” he asked in surprise.

Emelia stared at the weathered, leather-bound book. Her finger traced along the words adorning the cover. Angeline’s words still echoed in her mind, “You’re logical, like a good soldier.” Ever since then, she had been devouring books about military strategy, a passion she thought unquenchable. She flipped through the pages of the book once more before reluctantly closing it, letting out a sigh. “I don’t know,” she said, almost to herself, “it’s just interesting.”

“You’re still surprising me.” James’ eyes lit up with excitement as he smiled at her. He sat across from her, their eyes locking, and for a moment, neither spoke. She felt the magnetism between them even though neither of them said a word. Finally, James cleared his throat and shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He broke the silence with the simplest of questions, “So, how are you?”

Emelia paused, and her heart raced as she thought about what to say. She raised her eyes to look at James, her love for him still present even after all the pain of the past two months. The silence hung in the air for a few moments until she finally murmured, “I’ll be fine.” She quickly looked away, and her gaze settled on the book before her, its golden engraved letters glittering in the light streaming in from the window.

James’s face took on a weary expression as he spoke, “Every corner of the five kingdoms is aware of the engagement between Elizabeth and me.” He leaned forward in his chair; his hands clenched tightly on the armrests. “I can’t help but feel I’m coming to an impasse, Emelia.” His gaze shifted to the window, where the sun glinted off the landscape beyond the castle walls, “Our forces were thinning out. But since word spread of our engagement – Kingdom Macula has come to our aid, entering the war on our side. We’ve been winning, even been able to retake some towns...” He ran a hand through his hair and sat back, shoulders slumping in defeat. “And although I don’t want this any more than you do. I have no choice. I need to follow through with this marriage. But know this - I still love you more than anything.” His eyes found hers again, the depths full of emotion.

“James...” Emelia began, her voice wavering. Her body was fatigued, her limbs heavy, and her eyes heavy-lidded with exhaustion. The invisible string that connected the two of them felt taut and strained, an invisible barrier standing between them. With every passing second, it felt like their feelings pushed them further apart, a yawning abyss growing between them.

He suddenly leaned in close and met her gaze, his voice deep and steady. “And only you,” he said. His voice grew more passionate with each word. “It doesn’t have to be this way. Elizabeth will be my wife, but you are the one I truly love. We could still be together even if I marry her,” he whispered. “It’s been done before. Many kings have mistresses.” His eyes seemed to shimmer with a strange light as he finished his thought.

“I know.” She whispered, her voice barely audible. Despite her soft demeanor, her inner strength was unmistakable. She turned to the window, the sun’s fading light painting an impressive landscape outside. The sun’s last rays illuminated the rolling hills and mountain peaks, and she was momentarily in awe of the beauty. James leaned in even closer, but she held her ground, her resolve as strong as ever. She looked him in the eye and said with conviction, “I won’t do that. I’m not that type of woman.”

James’s face fell, and he ran a hand through his hair. “No matter what, if I’m married or not, you’ll always have all of me.” His voice held pure determination, and his gaze was unwavering.

Emelia couldn’t contain her emotions anymore, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Until you have consummate your marriage,” she said, her voice shaky and full of sadness. “Or until the kingdom looks to you to have an heir.” Her gaze was heavy with despair as she looked at him. She shook her head sadly and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “You will never be all of mine,” she said, her voice almost a whisper. “I deserve one hundred percent of someone. Don’t you agree?”

He reached over and tried to take Emelia’s hand in his, his voice pleading. “But I love you, and I know you love me.” His eyes searched her face for any trace of affirmation.

Emelia rose slowly from her chair, her eyes avoiding his. Her voice trembled as she spoke. “Sometimes, that’s just not enough.” James’ shoulders shook, and he bowed his head over the table, letting his tears fall into the wood grain. Emelia couldn’t help but feel a tug of sympathy for him. Despite her sorrow, she knew this was the right decision, even if it left a cavernous void inside her. She gave him one last longing look before turning away, pushing open the heavy library door, and letting it swing shut behind her, leaving behind James and her hope of them ever being together.