Chapter 34

Everything wasn’t going the way Janine wanted it to be.

Porter is too close to her and she knows that he got his eyes on her no matter what she does. She couldn’t concentrate well. It was as if he was guarding her. He was watching if she would do something ridiculous tonight.

Johann held her hand under the table making her jump slightly from her seat and look at him. “I’m just going to the rest room.” He told her as he looked at everyone at the table. “You’d be okay here.” He smiled as he planted a kiss on her forehead.

Janine didn’t want him to go but then she didn’t have any choice. She couldn’t come with him, right? She smiled and watched Johann walk to the way of the comfort room.

Porter’s and Johann’s parents were laughing heartily while Porter and Janine were looking really awkward.

Janine almost jumped out of her seat when she felt her phone vibrate.

From: Porter Kim You look beautiful. I wish you were mine.

Janine’s breathing started to get heavy the moment she read his message. How can Porter Kim make her feel this way? She doesn’t even know.

She tried her very best to not look at Porter right now. Because she knew that once she laid her eyes on him, it’s going to be over.

Her heart is going to explode.

From: Porter Kim What’s wrong, Baby? Did I say something wrong?

Another message from him and she couldn’t help herself from looking.

As soon as she set her eyes on him, everything in the background grew blurry. It was as if it was only Porter that she could see. Everything else is just a blurry vision.

Porter locked eyes with her and she could feel her heart pounding against her chest. Is she starting to see clearly now? Is she starting to know what’s best for her right now?

Porter took a deep breath and removed his stare from Janine. Instead, he whispered something to his Mom and excused himself from the table.

From: Porter Kim You don’t look good. Meet me in my car. Please.

Janine shut her eyes as she read his message. Why is he making it harder for her? Why did he have to-

“Ahh…Ah…”

Everyone froze at the sound of the feedback from the microphone.

Janine looked at the mini-platform and was shocked to see Johann standing there with a huge smile on his face. There was something in that smile. She somehow knew about it but she’s trying to deny it to herself.

She knows he’s up to something but she couldn’t make herself believe.

All eyes are on Johann. Even Porter who is halfway through the door. Porter knew what would happen tonight. Or perhaps he got a feel about it. He just wishes he was wrong.

“Are you all having a good time?” Johann asked everyone and chuckled.

Janine was staring at him praying that he was just asking everyone to have fun, praying that there’s nothing more to that.

“So, most of you have known why this party was held,” Johann started and some of their cousins cooed at his words. Perhaps, they knew what would happen.

Johann smiled heartily. “I initiated this one…for my one and only woman.” He looked at Janine. “Janine, listen to this song.”

Then the band started to play.

Janine couldn’t be wrong. She loved this song so much and she could recognize it with its first beat.

If I don’t say this now, I will surely break as I’m leaving the one I want to take.

Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait. My heart has started to separate.

It was one of Janine’s favorite songs from The Fray.

Suddenly, almost all of Johann’s cousins started to walk to her and give her a white rose. She stood up and took everything that was given to her. She didn’t want to but what can she do. It was like she was alone in this.

She looked to the door and saw Porter staring at her. If she wanted to end it all now, she should just run away with Porter. She should just run to him and be with him.

What was her choice? Johann, the man who was there for her through thick and thin, or Porter, the man who makes her go through thick and thin?

She had to know now.

Ending one relationship was never easy. Sooner or later, one of them would be hurt because she only has to choose one. Ending it now or later won’t change the pain being felt.

Only, if she ends it now, one would have more time to recover. And she would stop torturing herself. At last.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Be my baby.

I’ll look after you.

Now, it’s Johann who is approaching her. He’s wearing that very beautiful and amusing smile that used to mesmerize her whole being.

A year ago, he meant the whole world to her. Right now, she feels so bad when she looks at his smiling face. It was as if his smile is reminding her that she’s doing the wrong thing.

His smile makes her feel guilty for what she’s done.

She never wanted to hurt him. She never wanted to make him feel sad and broken. If only this wasn’t the situation, she would be jumping happily and excitedly to him now.

There now, steady love, so few come and don’t go. Will you, won’t you, be the one I’ll always know?

When I’m losing my control, the city spins around. You’re the only one who knows. You slow it down.

Johann stopped in front of her and continued to sing.

It hurts her that she has to consider this the saddest moment of her life when it was supposed to be the day she had always dreamed of.

Tears started to escape from her eyes as she watched Johann in front of her. Why did this thing have to happen to her?

Johann smiled and wiped the tears on her cheeks. She knows that he thinks these were happy tears. She wished they were happy tears.

But the more he comes closer, the more she feels the sadness.

“Don’t cry.” Johann whispered as he stopped singing and started to console her. “You can’t cry on a happy event like this.”

The tears went on nonstop. She knew this wasn’t happy. She knew she wasn’t happy.

Johann chuckled and pulled her into a hug. “Oh, come on, Janine! I haven’t proposed to you yet.” He laughed and he caressed her back.

Janine cried in his arms. She wanted to tell him that there’s no proposal that’s going to happen. She wanted to tell him that she doesn’t want this to happen because she doesn’t want to hurt him.

But how?

She knows for herself that he would break. He would hurt. No matter how she wanted him not.

Janine took a deep breath and looked into Johann’s eyes. There was no better timing than now. There was not better moment than now. There would have been a lot better ones before but she had to stop him now.

“Johann,” she breathed as her eyes were locked into his eyes. “I’m sorry.” Along with Janine’s cracked voice is Johann’s heart ripping into small pieces. He couldn’t even speak. He was shocked in the moment.

Janine swallowed a big lump in her throat. “I can’t accept anything you give to me from now on.” It was very soft but everyone in the hall heard her right.

Johann was speechless on his spot.

Janine shook her head. “Let’s end this now, Johann.” She tried her best to prevent her tears from falling. “Let’s break up.”

“What?” Johann couldn’t believe this is happening. Just when he was-

“You’re the best man in the world.” Janine breathed. “I don’t deserve your love, Johann. I don’t deserve you.”

Johann stared at her, hoping she would explain further.

“I’ve fallen for someone else,” she continued. “It wasn’t your fault. You did everything to make me stop falling for him. It was my fault that I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Who?” He asked.

Janine closed her eyes and took another deep breath. How could she say it in front of everyone in the Kim family? How could she say it without breaking the family bond?

She was about to respond but then a hand grabbed her wrist. She widened her eyes at the person taking her. “Porter…”

“Don’t fret, Janine. I’ll take you from here.” And they were gone out of the door.