Chapter 21 Heart in Flames
LEITANA
We made our way back into the large room filled with bright lights, loud chatter, and too many people. The moment we stepped inside, something inside me sank. I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to run away, anywhere but inside this shiny, crowded place.
Talking to that kind man, Mr. Elias Monroe, had helped calm me earlier when Ravial left my side… but now the heavy feeling returned. I just knew he would leave again to talk to his sophisticated friends, leaving me standing like lost pikinini.
So my eyes kept searching the room, hoping to see Mr. Elias again. At least if Ravial left me, I wouldn’t feel so alone.
Then I felt him lean close, his breath brushing my cheek.
“Who are you looking for?” he murmured. “Your eyes keep darting around. I know you know no one here, little lamb.”
His eyes moved slowly over every part of my face and my whole face went hot. Why did this man make butterflies fly inside my belly? Was I going crazy?
Then the memory hit me, the way I had kissed him earlier.
No…kiss was too small a word.
I had devoured him.
My lips all over his face.
My hands tangled in his hair.
My whole body trembling like something deep inside me had woken up.
What was that?
How could I do that?
What spirit climbed into my body and made me act like that?
Mi shame nao.
What kind of girl behaves like that?
It felt like my body remembered something my mind didn’t know. Like something old, something wild, something that no need permission. My heart moved before my brain. My lips moved before my thoughts.
And the worst part?
My stomach still fluttered like it wanted to do it again.
I wanted to disappear into the floor. I wanted to tell him to forget it. To erase it. To pretend I never behaved like wanton woman.
But my body… my body wanted him again.
Everything inside me wanted him again.
Ravial didn’t look away. His gaze stayed locked on mine, dark, deep, endless. I felt my soul step out of my body and walk straight into his stare, naked and shaking.
“Little lamb,” he whispered, softer than the buzzing chandeliers above us, “What are you thinking?”
I swallowed hard. “I… nothing.”
A lie.
Because I knew exactly what had come over me.
Desire.
Need.
Something that made my fingertips tingle and my lips ache until I wanted to cry.
Something that felt like fire under my skin.
But how?
How could I feel like this?
How could I betray Papa God like this?
“Mi nogud girl ah?” I thought painfully. “Why my body feel like this? Why mi want him?”
And before I knew it, tears stung the back of my eyes, sharp, heavy, and hot. I opened my mouth to tell him I wanted to leave but a voice suddenly called his name.
“Ravial,” the voice called, smooth, melodic, and commanding attention even above the murmur of the crowd.
I looked up, and my eyes widened. The woman standing there, tall, graceful, every movement dripping with confidence was breathtaking. She had this natural beauty that made the rest of the room seem dim in comparison. Her dress… oh God, her dress was scandalous. More revealing than anything I’d ever seen. Yet she carried it like royalty, like it had been made for her alone.
Ravial’s expression changed instantly. The smirk lighting his face now was different, real, alive, not the polite, controlled smirk he reserved for everyone else. My stomach twisted violently. They embraced briefly, and the warmth of their contact made my chest ache. My lips parted slightly, betraying a gasp I didn’t realize I’d held back.
The woman’s eyes flicked toward me, and she barely acknowledged my presence. A faint nod, almost dismissive, and then she returned her attention to Ravial, her smile teasing but practiced.
“Congratulations on your wedding, Ravial,” she purred, smooth as silk. “You’ve really outdone yourself. And… your bride is lovely, I see.”
Her gaze touched me just long enough to note I existed, then slid back to him.
I felt… strange. Confused. Why my chest tight like dat? Why my stomach twist? My hand hot, clammy. Mi bin want simple life, quiet life inside convent, safe, pure. Untouched from all dis… world temptations. And yet… here mi stanap, watching this woman laugh with him, touch him… and mi heart, mi… mi no save wanem mi feeling.
Her name… I didn’t know. Ravial answered her softly, warm amusement in his voice, low tones like a secret between them. I didn’t catch all the words, but I could hear joking, laughing, old memories. She was clearly close to him. Childhood friend? Longtime companion? Someone who had always been in his life before me.
And me… mi feel small. Invisible. Pain, sharp, real, inside my chest.
Unable to bear it, I slipped away quietly. The crowd, the laughter, the way his attention warmed someone else… it was too much. My feet carried me without thought through the double doors, and I stepped into the cool night air.
I paused on the stone steps leading to the courtyard. The wind slapped my face, but I barely felt it. My chest tight, thoughts messy, eyes scanning the polished cars lined up like jewels under the moonlight.
“Papa God… plis help mi… why mi feeling olsem?” (Papa God, Please help me, why I'm I feeling like this) I whispered, barely moving my lips.
Silence answered me. Only the distant hum of the city and the faint rustle of leaves.
I sank down on the cold stone steps, stretching my legs, staring at the empty sky. Mi heart feel like storm, jealousy, confusion, shame… all mix together inside.
Suddenly a sharp c
lick. My eyes snapped open.
What?
A bright flash stabbed my vision, forcing me to squint.