Chapter 120
Life was really fragile. Chase never meant anything to me, and I was not sad about his death, but somewhere deep in my heart, there was an emptiness.
When the news reached Levi, he came to comfort me after I got home.
"I heard he left a will."
"Yeah."
"What did the lawyer say?"
"They want me to handle his funeral arrangements."
I tossed my bag aside, and Indigo brought over a bowl of soup.
"Mrs. Morgan, have something light. Tell me what you want to eat, and I'll make it right away." Indigo was really worried about me.
I took the soup and stared into the bowl, thinking about how messy life is - everything becomes clear at the end, but by then it doesn't matter anymore.
"What are you planning to do?"
Levi looked me up and down.
"Nothing."
I sniffled, blew on the soup, and took a sip.
"What do you need me to do?"
"Nothing."
When I married him, I was already Blair. I'm not "Jessa" - I don't need to do anything.
"After all..."
I cut Levi off and put down the bowl.
"My mom died from depression. He indirectly killed my mother. Arabella hurt my daughter and even came to our house to attack us. Can something like that be forgiven?"
I coughed a couple of times in agitation, and Levi handed me a glass of water.
"Whatever you say."
If he's leaving it all up to me, then we'll just ignore this whole thing. It has nothing to do with us.
"Grandpa called today. He wants us to come over for dinner in the next few days."
When Levi mentioned Aiden, the coldness in his eyes disappeared. Things should be different the next time those two meet.
"Yeah, we should go. We haven't visited them in a while. So much has happened at home lately, and Cleo's situation made Grandpa sick for quite some time."
"I'll let you know once we set a time."
I nodded. I felt completely drained, with no interest in anything - just numbly nodding in agreement.
"Celestia..."
I glanced up and caught Celestia hiding upstairs, eavesdropping on our conversation.
Levi waved at her. "Come down here, come to Daddy."
Celestia could already understand a lot of what we adults talked about, so Levi and I usually avoided discussing things in front of her.
She sat quietly on Levi's lap, looking at me.
"Mom, was that person who came to our house really my grandfather?"
This was the question on her mind, her obsession. When she asked Levi, she didn't get an answer, so now she was carefully asking me for confirmation.
I was about to speak when my nose stung, and tears came pouring out. I couldn't control my emotions. I grabbed onto the leather sofa, trying my best not to fall apart.
"Mom, what's wrong? I won't ask anymore."
I'd always known that Celestia had a special place in her heart for her grandparents. I'd shown her pictures of my mother, but I never mentioned her grandfather.
How could I talk about someone like Chase? I used to think that one day, when Celestia was old enough to understand how relationships between men and women can fall apart, I'd explain everything to her.
But today, Chase died. Her grandfather died without a shred of guilt or remorse.
And just before he died, he met my daughter. When he was luring her with that candy apple, he didn't act like a grandfather at all.
How could I tell my daughter that the bad man was her grandfather?
"Celestia, your grandfather passed away a long time ago. He was a sailor who died on duty." Levi made up a story about her grandfather.
"Dad, my grandfather was so great. He must have died protecting our safety, right?" Celestia's eyes filled with admiration.
Levi nodded. "Yes."
My heart ached. I knew Levi also wanted Celestia to have a good image of her grandfather in her mind, just like I'd always told her she had a wonderful grandmother.
Father, mother - these two words were completely hollowed out from my life. The real people no longer existed, leaving only fragments in my memory.
"Mom, when we remember Grandma, can we also leave something for Grandpa?"
"Grandpa lives in the ocean now. Next time we go to the beach, we'll remember him together."
Levi patiently answered Celestia. I really couldn't speak up - I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, I'd just start sobbing uncontrollably.
Celestia got down from Levi's lap and walked over to me, wrapping her arms tightly around me.
"Mom, I brought up something that made you sad. I'm sorry."
"It's okay."
I forced out those words through gritted teeth. My daughter did nothing wrong but still felt sorry, yet Chase, a grown man, why did he have no humanity?
I'd asked myself this question over and over for more than ten years without an answer. I decided then, from now on, this person would be forever forgotten by me.
"I'll put you to bed. Let your mom rest."
Levi stood up. He was right - I just wanted to be alone right now.
"Mom, rest well." Celestia blew me a kiss.
I nodded, watching them go upstairs.
I curled up on the sofa and closed my eyes. Memories of Chase played back in my mind like a rewinding tape.
When I was little, he held my bike while I learned to ride. He took me to feed seagulls. He came to my parent-teacher conferences. He learned to braid my hair...
Back then, I really thought I was the blessed little princess of the Greer family. I really thought Chase treasured me like a pearl in his palm.
But ever since Arabella and the others came, his true face showed. When I called him Dad, the disgust in his eyes - I'll never forget it.
I said I wanted to erase him from my heart, but unless I lost my memory, how could I possibly forget...
My tears flowed down my cheeks to my neck. Chase's face grew larger in my mind, then disappeared.
I murmured, "Mom, he wanted me to see him off, but I refused. I did the right thing, didn't I?"
"Mom, I can barely hold it together. He's dead, but all the memories have come flooding back. The fact that he was my father - turns out that can't be changed..."
"Mom, I know you two will never meet. Heaven and hell never intersect."
I covered my face, trying to breathe normally, but I felt like I was suffocating...
"Mrs. Morgan, what's wrong? Why can't you stop crying?"
I saw Indigo's anxious face but couldn't sit up...
Levi ran downstairs and held me in his arms, letting my head rest against his chest, leaving me a little space. He kept stroking my back, trying to calm me down.
"She's been crying too long from grief - she's hyperventilating."
"What should we do? Should I get some aspirin?"
"Call an ambulance!"