Chapter 12

Pacing wasn’t much better than lying on my bed and staring at the ceiling, so I started cleaning. I dusted my bookshelf and started reorganizing. They’d been set up before, but I needed to fix it anyway. I made everything straight, put together by height and series, and then it looked okay, and I could breathe again. Next came making the already made bed, and then vacuuming. I stopped dead when I saw a picture in my closet that I’d forgotten about.

I stared at an image of me and Peter that I meant to get a frame for a while ago. I had set it in the closet, and forgotten it existed. It was supposed to be for the blank space on my wall, right above my dresser. A prime spot, where I would have seen it always. I had a lot of pictures in my room that I didn’t want to look at anymore.

Standing there, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I went around to every single picture I had up, and I shoved them into the dresser. I had so many more than I would have guessed, and each one stung to touch. Same as the wood carvings. I hated seeing it. Memories of things that meant so much to me, and so little to Peter in the end. Happier without you. So easy to replace.

The clock made me more aware of the time than my surroundings had. The sun had gone down a while ago, but I didn’t notice it until all the pictures had been tucked away. It pushed ten at night, and I wondered where the afternoon had gone. Getting force kissed by Tammy really took the wind out of me.

The house had gone quiet, since the kids had to go to bed. With the school week over, they’d sleep in tomorrow, letting me get an extra hour without being woken up by their screams. When I’d gotten home today, I saw both of my parents in the living room with them. No one said hi to me, but that didn’t shock me.

A tapping on my window had me dropping my dust rag on the floor, losing my breath. Instead of screaming, I calmed down, and reminded myself that if Tammy wanted to come kill me, she probably wouldn’t have knocked.

I pulled my blinds open, and saw a boy smiling at me. Poe leaned on the windowsill, grinning and staring right at me. I opened up the window so that we could talk. Once the screen popped out, I dropped onto my knees, getting eye level with him.

“Evening, miss,” he said. “And what are you doing tonight?”

“Cleaning.”

Poe leaned his head into my room, looking around. “Pretty good job. You just finish?”

I wasn’t close to done, but I realized that my room would have seemed fine to any normal person. If I told him the truth, he would have thought me insane. “Yup.”

He lifted an eyebrow at me. “Your walls are crazy boring.”

“You only think that because yours are packed with a billion pictures.”

“Like it should be,” he grunted, beginning to climb through the window. I had to move out of the way, and he dove inside without grace. He batted my hand away when I tried to help. “I got it. I’m a grown man.”

I snorted and stood from the floor. When Poe finally got righted, he made himself at home. I watched him slip into my bed like it wasn’t anything at all. He had removed his shoes first, so I didn’t have to hit him.

“Comfy?” I asked.

Poe turned and fluffed my pillow before lying back on it. “Hell yeah.”

I laughed and slunk to my door. With a little peek outside of it, I saw that the house was pitch black. Everyone had gone to bed already, and I thanked the lord. Then I turned around and saw Poe in my bed again. At night. All alone with me. Peter always got sent home before eight, so this felt terrifyingly new.

I stayed all the way at the other end of the room.

“You stop by for a reason?” I asked him. “Or were you bored?”

He lifted his head up. “Watch out, honey. Your insecurity is showing.”

I stared at the floor. “Sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry for that. I wouldn’t want you thinking that I’d only come here because I had nothing better to do. I wanted to see you.”

And there went keeping my pulse steady. Though Cathy had sought out my company before, and it hadn’t done this to me. I didn’t understand it.

“Why?”

Poe sat all the way up, watching me with a perturbed look on his face. “You’re my friend, and I like being with you. Plus, it’s a short walk.”

Ah. I nodded. “So it’s convenient.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yes, but that wasn’t why I came—did you hear the other part? The part where I said I wanted to spend time with you? Or did you choose to ignore it?”

I said nothing.

Poe scooted over to the edge of my bed and held his hand out. When I did nothing, he gestured at me. “Come on. I have some damage to fix.”

I took his hand, not knowing what he had planned until he yanked me toward him. I stumbled, but he caught me before I got tossed into a pile of pillows. Poe laid back down with me and threw a leg over mine.

“There,” he said. “I have claimed you. Now you cannot assume I’m here for anything but my interest in you.”

“Sorry,” I said again. “It’s just kinda hard to think that people would choose to spend time with me.”

That got me hit in the face with a pillow. “You said that you spent almost all your time with your prick of an ex. He only wanted to be with you, so why is it that you can’t see someone wanting the same?”

I looked away from him, choosing to stare at the wall. “He never actually said he liked spending time with me. He did it because there wasn’t anyone else.”

“What? No way did he not tell you once that he liked it.”

I shook my head. “Nope. He wasn’t like that.”

I heard Poe sigh, and he pulled my arm over his shoulder so we could snuggle. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be. Peter didn’t really talk about his feelings. I didn’t need him to tell me he liked me, or that he thought I was pretty.”

Peter put his head against my shoulder, sighing again. “Tell me that he said he thought you were pretty.”

“Nope.”

He looked up ever so slightly. “Ever?”

My cheeks turned pink as I realized I said something wrong. I didn’t want to have to say more, but I didn’t want Poe thinking Peter had been a total monster. “It’s not like he wouldn’t come near me or anything. We kissed sometimes and cuddled when we watched TV.”

Poe really had a thing for sighing, because this one lasted longer than the others. “Where to start… First off, it doesn’t matter if you knew he was attracted to you or not. He should have said it a few times, because clearly you need a boost.” I didn’t know Peter was attracted to me, but I couldn’t make myself say that. “Second, you’re not telling me anything that makes me feel better. He only kissed you sometimes?”

“It’s fine. I don’t like kissing.”

“Why?”

I cleared my throat, trying not to laugh. “Peter wasn’t a great kisser. I didn’t like his…style.”

“Dare I ask?”

“He did this thing where he opened his mouth all the way, and then just kinda wiggled his tongue around, keeping my mouth all the way open too. It was…uncomfortable to say the least.” It felt like assault, if I wanted to be honest. “I would lay there until he was done.”

“I don’t even… I don’t know what to do with that. Sex must have been amazing.”

“We didn’t do that. I wasn’t ready, and I’m sure you can imagine I didn’t think it would be the most fun of activities. But don’t think that I hated being with him. I didn’t. We’d sit in here, doing nothing, but we’d be together. He was nice. Called me Sweets. We had good times.”

Poe eyed me doubtfully. “Was he all that nice if he didn’t treat you right? I mean, he didn’t have to give you constant reassurance, but occasional would have been kind. He also manipulates you a lot. Even now. He tried to guilt you into staying friends with him, even though you told him how hard that would have been. He didn’t drop it.”

I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t fight his point. Peter also broke up with me as cruelly as he could have. The boy knew exactly how to destroy me, and he did it anyway. He shattered me, and then asked me to do him the favor of being his support.

“He didn’t do a good job of being there for me,” I realized out loud. “I couldn’t talk to him about anything without it getting all turned around. Sometimes he would take it all personally, if I felt bad. Like he wasn’t good enough to fix it. Or, Peter would make it about him, and then I’d be stuck feeling like death, and having to talk him down.”

Poe held my hand, giving me a supportive smile. “Don’t take this as me trying to make you hate him, but he did some messed up stuff. He knew you have self-esteem issues, and he didn’t do anything to make you feel better. I don’t get it.”

“Me neither, and I guess I never will.”

He pulled me to him, turning so we could get all cuddly. I liked being there, curled up with him. Having spent so long alone, this seemed to be what I needed.

“I’m not doing this only to make you feel better,” Poe said. “But you’re a very pretty girl.”

Now I got to roll my eyes.

“Clover,” he chided.

I looked down at myself and poked my not so flat stomach. Peter said he never minded that I was overweight. He called it chunky, because he thought it sounded nicer.

“Knock that off,” Poe said, pulling my hand away.

“I can’t help it,” I defended. “I know what I look like.”

“I know what you look like too, so I stand by my statement. I enjoy looking at you, as do many other people.”

I could live a hundred more years and not believe him, but it was nice to hear anyway. Even if Poe only wanted to make me feel better, for a few seconds, I felt a little less than gross looking.

When I stayed silent too long, Poe poked my shoulder. “You look sad. So back to the point of why I’m here. Let me take you out for some ice cream.”

I looked at the clock, and he’d been there with me for almost an hour. “It’s really late.”

“So? Live a little.”

I didn’t not want to go out, and it wasn’t like my parents would have known. Poe had started moving to my window before I even said anything. What would staying home have done me? I’d have been alone, probably regretting my choice. What did I have to prove by sticking around?

When I met Poe at the window, he helped me get outside. Once I closed it again, Poe took my hand for the walk back to his car.

“Your parents don’t mind you going out at night?”

Poe’s pleasant expression sunk a little. “They don’t know I left the house. I would rather they didn’t. I’m not so sure how much they approve of my choices.”

It felt like one of those moments where I should have dropped the issue. Poe had a lot more problems than I thought he did, and his family seemed to be a touchy subject. I still wanted to know how his sister got those scars.

We got into the car, and Poe didn’t bring up his family again. I let it go, and he brought me to a little ice cream shop a few miles away. He walked me in, taking my hand and keeping it when we got to the counter. When I tried to pay for my own ice cream, I got glared at.

“The hell you think this is, woman?” Poe asked me, handing over a five to the girl behind the counter.

I blinked hard. “I don’t…know.”

“Well, I invited you here, and I’m paying.”

I didn’t say anything after that, but Poe smirked at me like he’d won something. He escorted me over to a booth and took the side I picked. We put our feet up, and I went to town on my Oreo shake.

When I came up for air, I set the cup on the table. Poe stared at me, a smile still on his face. “You got a little something.” He pointed to his nose.

I checked in the reflection on my phone, and I took a deep breath, letting the mortification set in. I had ice cream all over my nose, and Poe got an excellent look at it. Deciding that I was an utter moron, I grabbed a napkin, and cleaned myself off.

Poe leaned into my ear. “That was adorable, just so you know.” He bumped my hip and patted my thigh.

“That was not adorable. I’m a loser.”

“You really need to work on that putting yourself down stuff. I like you, and I wish you liked you too.”

Never gonna happen.

“While we’re on the subject of not liking me…” I started. “I had a little run in with Tammy today.”

“Oh?”

I launched into the story for him, telling Poe as many details as I had told the two useless ladies in the office. I told him that part too, letting him know that if he ever had a problem at school, not to bother going to them with anything.

The look on Poe’s face was…terrifying, to say the least. Anger didn’t fit in his features, and it worried me. It changed him so completely, taking him from someone sweet and kind looking, to a boy filled with something hateful that I couldn’t fix.

“They didn’t do anything?” he asked.

“Nope. They pretty much made me sound crazy, and like I was wasting their time.”

“Do you want…do you want me to pee on their cars?”

I closed my eyes, shaking my head as he laughed at me. “Sweetie, you really have to pull back on the pee stuff. It’ll make me think things about you.”

“Like?”

“Like you’re a weirdo.”

“I am. Watch as I demonstrate.”

I didn’t watch, but I felt his teeth on my jaw and holy hell. I didn’t at all hate that. Didn’t hate the little growl either, and my eyes remained closed while Poe tried to… I couldn’t remember.

“Clover?” he asked me, and I didn’t feel him on me anymore. It made me open my eyes, disappointed. “Can I ask you something inappropriate?”

“Sure. Cathy does all the time.”

Poe’s smile felt off to me while he watched the counter. “That assault kiss you were talking about, is that the only way you’ve been kissed?”

I bit my lower lip. “My only other kiss happened in second grade. We didn’t really know what we were doing. I had a crush on her for like months. She ended up ditching me for a boy who bought her love with cookies.”

“Bitch,” Poe laughed.

“Why do you ask?”

“It kinda bothers me that you don’t like it because your dumbass boyfriend didn’t know how to do it. If you want…” He trailed off for a minute and wouldn’t look at me. “I can attempt to sway your opinion.”

What… the heck? I played it over in my head, making sure it had been what it sounded like. Yeah, sounded like Poe offered up his services. “You wanna kiss me?”

Poe glanced over at me. “It sucks that the last person you kissed is a jerk—Tammy aside—, and didn’t care to make sure you liked it. I mean, I would be righting a wrong.”

“You would.”

My first instinct wasn’t to say no or feel repelled that he’d offered. It was a weird one, but I didn’t actually mind. It made my stomach hurt though, and I didn’t think I would finish my ice cream. I wanted to nod and keep my cool when Poe leaned forward to kiss me. His words replayed in my head. If I let him, then Peter wouldn’t have been the last person I’d kissed. It felt…wrong. That relationship ended, and I didn’t want back in it. Not now. This felt like it would have been marking it as done and throwing the final handful of dirt into the grave.

“Okay,” I said.

Poe looked frozen for a second before he turned his head to me. “Okay?”

“Yeah. You better bring you’re A game, mister.”

He let out a breathy laugh, and then his hand went behind my neck. My skin prickled with goosebumps when he started leaning to me. Peter always went fast. No lead up at all. I blinked, and his tongue was in my mouth, poking around like he looked for something. Ugh, I didn’t want to think about that and ruin what Poe and I were about to do. I blocked it out as best I could.

I felt Poe’s breath on my lips, and my eyes closed in response. I waited for what felt like an hour, eagerly wanting him to close the distance already. His hand covered mine on my lap, and…

“I need to clean the booths,” a dead eyed teenager said, standing right outside of our seats. “We’re closing.”

I wanted to murder him, but the kid was only trying to do his job. Poe still glared at him. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem.”

Sighing, Poe tugged on my hand as we moved out of the booth. He pulled me to his side as we walked out the door. “We should get you home,” he decided. “Lest your parents happen to check on you.”

I resisted pouting at the loss and let him do as he said.