Chapter 86: Chapter Ten:You've Gotten Yourself A Boyfriend Not A Lobotomy-3

*** I get off from work before Cole gets home which is the norm for us. If he's not in class then he's either with his study group or at the library. I've accepted his routine because law school is hard and with mid-terms coming up Cole's been spending more hours on campus than he is at home. He feels guilty about leaving me on my own so often but I've told him repeatedly that I bring enough work home with me to keep me occupied for hours. I'm always editing, always answering emails, always, always reading manuscripts that my boss hands over to me so most days I fall asleep with a thick pile of papers and a highlighter in my hand. That doesn't mean that I don't miss him though and that I don't wish we got to spend more time together. It's one of the reason I'd been so excited for dinner the past weekend and I felt so humiliated and hurt when he'd been over an hour late and hadn't responded to my texts or calls. With how crazy busy our schedules are, it's tough to take time out to spend quality time together that doesn't involve falling asleep two minutes in through the door but I'm not going to nag him about it much. Or at least I'll try because thinking of all the thoughts Mattie tried to plant into my head makes me mad. I'll forever be conscious of the fact that Wyatt might be hitting on me now and it's going to get super awkward super fast much as I'd like to avoid it. Curse him! As part of my usual evening routine, I set about making dinner which I've gotten surprisingly well at seeing as though the first month we lived together we survived on nothing but takeout and donuts from the cafe in our apartment building. When my favourite pair of jeans stopped fitting, I panic bought a bunch of cookbooks and begged Megan to tell me how she meal prepped and tada, we eat like kings and queens most nights now. But only if kings and queen were oddly fond of spaghetti sauce six days a week because on Sundays we ate out. Ask my to go in the kitchen that day and I might as well poison you. While I cook and clean up a little, I get a call from my dad to let me know that he'll be in town the next week to oversee some properties he's investing in and I could not be happier to see him. The one major downside of moving here is the fact that I rarely get to see my family or closest friends in person. We went home for the holidays so it's just been a little over a month since I last saw them but I do miss being home and being around the people I care about and there's so much that I miss out on when I'm this far away. Travis and Beth have finished renovating their gorgeous bungalow in Jersey that I die over, it's just that cute and I think Beth's discovered she doesn't have to get along with the suburban housewives to survive. She's rocking at the domestic lifestyle and after her promotion at work and Travis's new job at a marketing firm is going great and he's hoping to start an MBA program in the fall. I'd never considered my brother to be the business type but he's got a knack for all things advertising and marketing and my dad's pretty thrilled about, already proposing he leave his job and join the company he's on the board of directors of but of course Travis wants to do things the hard way. But I don't think my dad's coming here purely for business. He's been acting funny for the last couple of weeks and it's only a hunch but I think he's finally going to ask Danielle to marry him and he's worried about her reaction. I think he's just being silly and there's no way she'd say no but you never really do know with these things. If he asks me, I'd tell him to go for it and maybe even help him shop for a ring while he's here. Knowing my dad, of course he'd be so nervous he'd forget about the actual ring. Plus it'll help us bond because things got a little strained when I ask Ray to help me get a job. Mom couldn't resist blabbing and when Dad found out about how I'd landed this job so quickly, he'd been pretty upset that Ray had put in a word for me. I tried to make the case that I had a stellar resume courtesy of my previous boss Amy and that if I'd applied on my own, I would've gotten the job anyway but it hadn't been listed publicly then. Ray had just helped me get my foot through the door and I'd handled the rest, still he'd remained just the little affronted but I think he's managed to get over it since then. We catch up and makes plans for him to visit before he hangs up and I go back to overthinking about the Wyatt situation so much so that I'm done making dinner and I don't even realise how I got there. It's nearly eight by the time I wind down and answer all my emails and it's just as I'm considering going down to the gym in our building when the door unlocks and Cole walks in. He's looking a little too impish for my liking. He drops his backpack by the couch and from behind his back produces the biggest bouquet of calla lilies I've seen in a while. Flowers do a lot of good for a girl's heart and of course I'm gushing on the inside but I can't let him see that. Instead I settle back into our armchair and cross my arms over my chest, "So I'm guessing Mattie called you?" His expression gives nothing away, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I just got done from study group and grabbed these on my way back home because I know you like having fresh flowers in the house but also mostly because I was a jerk and I'm trying to fix it here." "Cole." Yet again, his expression is carefully blank and when he extends the flowers to me, I accept them reluctantly but cuddle them carefully to me chest like they're a new born child. "Yes shortcake?" "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" "Hey I never said that so don't put words in my mouth. And why are we still talking about this Wyatt thing? He's over it, I apologised and if you want I can send him a personal apology letter and I'll even add in a fruit basket how about that?" Such a wise ass, always. I roll my eyes but narrow them at him suspiciously, "Wait a second. I never specifically brought Wyatt up. How did you know this was about him?" Uh oh, someone messed up. He has the decency to look a little shamefaced before he collapses on the couch nearest to me. "I'm just on a roll today aren't I? First I forget to mail in the assignment I've been working on this whole week and now I can't even lie to save my life. What is happening? Is this what an early mid-life crisis feels like? I swear I had more game." "Being able to lie to your girlfriend isn't 'game' Cole, it's not okay for you to make me question my judgement. Not every guy I work with is going to be interested in me. I'm not sure if you've noticed but there are plenty of stunning, beautiful gorgeous women out there for him to pick from and I'm certain they wear sexy lingeries to bed and not their boyfriend's four year old college sweatshirt that has more holes than swiss cheese." "Hey, I know I can't seem to stop fucking up this week but you don't get to put yourself down like that. If you think you're anything less than ridiculously beautiful then the jokes on me because I haven't told you that enough times. You're the most gorgeous girl I know Tessie, it doesn't matter what you put on your body you'll always be the hottest and sexiest girl in the room and I'd be personally insulted if you disagree. Maybe I need to worship your body just a little more if you still don't appreciate it enough." Okay so he's a smooth talker and by the time he's done melting my insides I've almost forgotten about him recruiting Mattie to do his dirty work. But the thing is I know he's not just saying all these things to get my mind off the issue at hand and he's not manipulating me. The way he says this to me, the passion in his voice and the sheer intensity of his words tells me that he means it and that this isn't about our fight or about Wyatt or Mattie, it's just about the him and me. So sometimes he might be thoroughly misguided in how he protects me and how he tries to show me that he cares, exhibit A would be Wyatt and there are times when his desire to get things between us sorted out as soon as possible leads him astray, aka involving Mattie but in the end it shows that he cares. I'm not that girl anymore that swoons at the slightest act of chivalry because I can now differentiate between chivalry and being controlling so we're definitely going to talk and he's going to have to listen but right now? Talking about the fight is the last thing I want to do. I get from the armchair, walk over to him and settle down in his lap, setting my head on his chest. "You're really good with words do you know that?" "They're not just words and I'm not making a move, I promise Tessie. I mean it when I say that sometimes you don't even realise the effect you have on people, that you have on me and I'd tell it to you a hundred times a day if you'd believe me." "I'm not that insecure girl anymore Cole." I stroke my hand over his hard chest, feeling the soft cotton of shirt. "I don't need positive affirmations all the time and sometimes a girl just needs to feel sorry for herself but I believe you when you say I'm beautiful to you. The rest of the world doesn't matter, I'm not thinking constantly about how I come across to them, not anymore." He kisses the top of my head. "They see what I see, a smart, confident, beautiful girl who can light up a whole room with her smile, who's so kind and thoughtful and generous that people want to be in her orbit all the time. I know that because when I'm not there with you, I can feel exactly what it is that I'm missing and it matters Tessie, you matte." "God, I can't believe we ended up having this conversation. Isn't it too heavy for a Monday night?" I tease but really I soak it all up not because I need to hear the praise but because even after all this time, hearing Cole talk about the way he feels about him, to hear the words I somehow never manage to string together does something wonderful to my soul. Living in Chicago might have been a big change, my job may have started out being not what I expected and being away from my family is a constant struggle but this right here? Seeing him every day and every night and spending this time together makes it all worth it in the end.