Chapter 35: Self-Torture
He stood there, wanting to move forward but not daring to.
Watching Mia cry silently, his outstretched hand froze in mid-air.
Mia was too fragile right now, so fragile it seemed like she would shatter at his touch.
In his eyes, Mia had always been someone who lived toward the sun. Her vitality was incredibly strong, always thinking in the most positive direction when things happened, never letting negative emotions defeat her.
This was the first time he'd witnessed the light in her dim in an instant, losing all vitality like a withered, dead tree.
His heart tightened slightly, feeling stuffy and painful. Instinctively, he spoke out, wanting to comfort her.
It really wasn't what she thought. He said firmly, "Mia, I really didn't—"
He didn't want to see Mia like this.
Mia slowly lifted her head, looking through tear-blurred eyes at James's sincere and honest face.
So honest, as if she had really been blind just now, misreading his silent admission, misunderstanding him.
What great acting!
He and Amelia even matched in their acting skills!
"Enough! James, stop lying to me!"
Really, enough!
Mia broke down, trembling all over as she looked at James.
With all the evidence right there, he still wanted to lie to her.
James looked at the tear-stained Mia, his voice even gentler as he explained, "Mia, I'm not lying to you..."
Mia looked at this James she had once trusted wholeheartedly.
James lied to her without even blinking.
She completely broke down, almost screaming at him, "Not lying to me!"
"James, I just trusted you, I'm not stupid!"
Even now, he still wanted to lie to her?
"I'm asking you one last time—who do you love? That 'I love you' you said when you were drunk, who was it really for?"
The topic shifted suddenly. James didn't react in time, clearly stunned.
When she asked the question, Mia couldn't tell if she wanted to expose James's lies so he'd have nowhere to hide and could never fool her again, or if she was just torturing herself.
"Say it! Say you don't love Amelia! Say that 'I love you' was meant for me! Say it!"
James looked at Mia, who seemed like she could collapse at any moment.
A panic he'd never felt before rushed into his heart!
He—couldn't say it!
With Mia so heartbroken, he couldn't lie to her!
...
James's silence destroyed the last bit of hope in Mia's heart.
This final blow was one she delivered to herself.
A knife plunged into the deepest part of her heart, making her completely give up.
"Hahaha, hahaha."
She suddenly laughed, her body convulsing with laughter.
But as she laughed, tears rolled down even more violently.
It hurt so much that she couldn't care about dignity or pride anymore.
She leaned against the wall, crying her eyes out.
Her face full of self-mockery.
Mia, what are you doing!
You already knew the truth, so why did you ask?
Is humiliating yourself fun?
What exactly were you hoping for?
Wasn't the pain enough already?
Torturing yourself like this!
How could you be so stupid!
...
James watched Mia crying and laughing, clearly in extreme pain.
He didn't understand.
Why did she suddenly care so much about him not loving her?
She'd known all along that he didn't love her, hadn't she?
Over these four years, him not loving her hadn't stopped him from caring for her and spoiling her.
Their time together had always been comfortable and happy.
He'd done everything he could to the best of his ability. Hadn't she also felt happy being with him?
A few days ago when she pressed him about this, he didn't want to make things unpleasant over something that seemed so unimportant to him.
So he chose to gloss over it.
Was love really that important?
...
Through her tears, Mia understood what James meant.
Look how innocent he was!
He didn't make you fall in love with him!
You misunderstood on your own!
You were the one who thought it was a confession to you and fell for him.
In his eyes, you didn't control your own heart—it was your fault!
Mia's pain tore through her heart and lungs, a cry of extreme agony escaping her throat.
She pressed hard against her chest. It really hurt so much!
Why hurt her like this!
Why?!
Her legs could no longer support her.
Her body slowly slid down the wall, her consciousness nearly blurring from the pain.
It really hurt too much!
James's expression became a knife, stabbing into her again and again!
Every part of her body hurt, a tearing kind of pain!
...
The moment Mia weakly slid down, James couldn't care about anything else. He rushed over and caught her in his arms before she fell, "Mia."
Mia had no strength left to resist, completely drained of energy.
She lay weakly in James's arms. Up close, his face full of concern came into view.
She wished he would be crueler, harsher to her, not give her this tenderness and concern.
This way, he stabbed her heart with a knife while feeding her candy.
She couldn't even bring herself to hate him!
Tears kept rolling down from the corners of Mia's eyes.
The pain spread, invading every part of her body.
She trembled all over from the pain, her gaze fixed on him, her hand clutching his clothes, gripping tightly!
Her eyes full of pain as she murmured.
"James, do you know that when you were drunk and said 'I love you,' it wasn't meant for me, but because of those words, I gave you my heart and fell this deep."
"If I hadn't fallen in love with you, when I heard them say at Luxe Hideaway that the person you love is Amelia, it wouldn't have hurt this much!"
All her pain now stemmed from him mistaking her for Amelia that night when he confessed!
If she had always guarded her heart, how could she be in such heartbreaking pain now!
So devastated!
She could have been carefree!
She didn't have to endure all this!
James was the one who pushed her to this point!
How could he, the culprit, look so innocent and clear himself of responsibility?
How could he?!
Mia convulsed in James's arms from the pain. She could no longer hear or see, only pain remained.
She'd never hurt like this before. Unlike before when it didn't really hurt but she'd pretend it did to act cute.
Right now, she really hurt, unconsciously murmuring, "It hurts... I hurt so much."
She really hurt!
But didn't know where!
...
James's mind went blank.
One hand held her while the other stayed raised. He wanted to touch her but didn't dare.
Seeing her in such pain, not knowing where she hurt, even his voice became very soft, repeatedly calling her name gently, "Mia... Mia..."
His voice was so small, afraid that if it was any louder, it would make her hurt more.
His shocked and panicked eyes swept lightly over her body, as if this could help him find where she was hurting.
His gaze moved slowly from top to bottom, scanning carefully.
When his eyes reached her thigh, his pupils dilated in shock.