Chapter 156: Fragments of Memories

“It hurts, Grandma. Grandpa. It hurts so much.”

That whimper slipped repeatedly from my lips. I thought it was reality, but when I woke up, I realized I was still murmuring the same pain. The remaining tears felt cold as they flowed down my cheeks.

I wiped my face, then hurriedly ran toward the room that was my destination.

I stepped into Grandpa and Grandma’s room. Darkness and silence greeted me there. “Grandpa, Grandma, are you inside?”

I kept walking through the dark room without any light, until my foot hit a table and knocked something over. I groped along the wall, looking for the light switch, until the room suddenly became bright. The wall clock showed one in the morning.

“Grandpa, Grandma, where are you?”

I kept calling while sweeping my gaze around the entire room. My eyes fell on a photo frame that should have been displayed on the table, now lying on the floor.

I picked it up. Behind the glass, Grandpa and Grandma were smiling widely while hugging me when I was still little. My tears burst out instantly. Only then did I truly realize that they were gone.

“You know, Grandpa, Grandma, I just had a dream. Strangely, my dream was exactly the same as what we went through back then.”

My fingers brushed the surface of the glass that was cracked in the middle. “The scene was exactly like in this photo.” I wiped the tears that kept flowing with the back of my hand. “I was also holding this balloon, Grandpa, Grandma.”

My index finger touched the picture of the balloon in the photo.

When my gaze fell on the image of my injured knee, I immediately covered my mouth. I closed my eyes, letting my sobs take over again.

All those dreams were fragments of my childhood memories at the town square. At that time, I was only five years old.

I was very happy that day, trying various rides and pulling their hands to line up behind me. Jokes and laughter accompanied every step we took, until my attention was drawn to a balloon seller surrounded by children. I ran fast without watching the road because I was afraid of missing out. I fell, and my knee was covered in blood.

I cried hysterically calling for them. Grandpa immediately hugged and calmed me, while Grandma busied herself looking for medicine for my wound. Even after the wound was cleaned and covered with a bandage, I was still whimpering in pain.

“How about we buy balloons together? Do you want to?”

Miraculously, my crying stopped immediately. I nodded enthusiastically when I heard Grandma’s offer.

I took a deep breath while hugging the photo frame tightly. Yes, this photo was taken right after Grandma bought me a balloon.

I stood up from where I was sitting. Still holding the frame, I left the room and slowly walked around the increasingly silent house. My steps stopped in front of the kitchen.

Images of the past suddenly appeared before my eyes.

“Grandma, look!”

“Huh, what are you doing?”

“Like snow falling, Grandma.” I saw myself scattering flour into the air until the white flakes dirtied my hair and Grandma’s. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Beautiful, my head is what’s beautiful!” Grandma grumbled while lightly hitting my head with a plastic basin.

“Ah, Grandma is no fun!”

I grinned, then within seconds, I ran away carrying the bucket of flour.

“Don’t run away with that! Mr. Mamat will scold us all day if his fried bananas don’t get made!”

I smiled remembering all of that, but my smile faded instantly when the images in front of me disappeared. I walked forward with tears that would not stop. My gaze now fell on the remains of Grandma’s cooking on the table.

“The chili sauce is gone.” I chuckled through my tears. “It must have been Grandpa. He was told to leave some, but he still finished it.”

I wiped my tears with both palms, then walked closer to the stove. I turned on a small flame and poured cooking oil into the pan. I put in a handful of chilies and other chili paste ingredients. Before half a minute had passed, the chilies popped and the oil splashed onto my leg. I reflexively stepped back.

“I told you to cover the pan first!”

“Yes, Grandma. I know,” I whispered hoarsely, answering Grandma’s voice that echoed in my head.

“Don’t run away, hurry and get that pot lid!”

“This time I won’t run away, Grandma,” I replied again. I bit my lower lip, holding back the sobs that were about to escape.

Just as I was about to step forward to cover the pan, splashes of hot oil hit the skin of my hand. I jolted backward and bumped into a small table. Unfortunately, I accidentally knocked over a stack of dirty plates, causing them to shatter all over the floor.

I immediately turned off the stove, then stared at the broken glass with a dazed look. My mind wandered, realizing that if it had shifted even a little, the shards would have injured my foot.

Memories after memories with Grandpa and Grandma came rushing back into my head, alternating from childhood until now. I couldn’t take it anymore. My body collapsed onto the floor. I covered my mouth tightly so that my screams wouldn’t be heard. I cried silently.

Grandpa and Grandma were everything to me. They were the ones who encouraged me when I fell, comforted me when I was sad, and hugged me when I was hurt. This house was still the same, but its cheerfulness had been completely destroyed and taken away by them.

Forgive me, Grandma, Grandpa. I’m the one who caused you to leave. This is all my fault.

​Unconsciously, my hand picked up the sharpest piece of glass. "It turns out, saying it is much easier than doing it."

Slowly, I brought the glass closer to my wrist. "I'm sorry, Kenn. I licked my own spit. I can't take it anymore."

​With a blank stare, I slit my veins. I couldn't stop myself, even though inside my head, I was screaming curses at this stupidity.

​A sharp pain spread from my hand to my entire body. A chill began to creep up.

Faintly, I heard Kenn's voice calling my name.

​"Frel, where are you? I know you're still home. Frel!"

​My lips trembled violently, unable to answer.

"Damn! I shouldn't have left her alone." Kenn's voice grew closer. "Frel! Answer me!"

​In my limp state, I heard the sound of running footsteps, the sound of things being thrown, and the sound of banging against the wall.

​"Frel? What is this? What are you thinking!" Kenn shook me. I tried with all my might to keep my eyes open. "You idiot! Don't expect me to let you go this easily."

​My body shivered violently. The pain intensified until my eyes felt incredibly heavy.

​"Frel, you have to hold on. I don't want you to go!"

​For a moment, I felt my body being lifted, and then everything went black.

I couldn't hold on any longer.

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