Chapter 144: A Mess

Sitting on my favorite park bench while enjoying the breeze brushing against my face should have been a calming activity. However, in reality, this time I couldn’t feel it.

“Why can’t even air this fresh cool my head?” I murmured softly while leaning back.

I tried to swing my legs slowly while observing the small lake in front of me. Colorful fish swam nimbly, flicking their beautiful tails. I tried to lose myself in the scenery, but that attempt at distraction failed once again.

“You’re lucky that all you have to do is swim without having to think about anything,” I whispered bitterly to the fish.

My thoughts were still focused on him. Flashes of what had happened in class earlier kept dancing in my mind. I would never forget how awkward the atmosphere was every time my eyes accidentally met Kenn’s dark gaze.

I also couldn’t erase the memory of his cold, flat expression when we passed each other. He was acting, and so was I. The difference was that I could only stay silent, while Kenn had successfully played his role of continuing to distance himself and no longer care about me.

“Is it really that easy for you to forget everything, Kenn?” I asked in my aching heart.

I let out a long breath, then swept my gaze around the park. At a glance, I saw Kevan somewhere nearby. I observed the figure standing some distance away carefully. He seemed to be looking for something.

I narrowed my eyes to make sure. When the man stepped closer, my suspicion was confirmed. It was Kevan.

He was looking for me. It was proven when he found me, and the look on his face appeared relieved.

“My God, darling. I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he said while catching his breath.

I greeted him with a small smile.

“Hi,” I said when he was already standing in front of me.

Kevan brushed the top of my hair while smiling. “Come on, let’s go to the canteen.”

I nodded slowly. “Let’s go.”

During the walk to the canteen, Kevan did not let go of our joined hands. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that he often stole glances at me. However, whenever I caught him, he would only look at me for a moment, fall silent, then give a small smile and turn his face away.

There was something strange. It was as if there was something wrong with my face or my movements. But I wasn’t sure. I chose to remain silent and tried not to be affected by the odd behavior Kevan was showing, yet my curiosity grew stronger.

“What’s wrong? Why do you keep staring at me?” I asked softly. “Is there something on my face?”

“There’s nothing. I just feel like you’re a little quieter today,” he replied calmly.

I stayed silent and did not ask any further.

When we arrived at the canteen, we immediately joined Alvin, Ari, and Dara. They were sitting on a long bench without a backrest, with Ari in the middle. We joined them, and as usual, our menu was already served on the table.

“You took so long, the food is almost cold,” Ari scolded while sliding the meatball bowl. “I almost finished my own portion because I was too hungry waiting.”

“Frel, where did you go earlier? I was confused when Kevan asked me,” Dara attacked, just as I had just sat down beside Kevan.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand, Dara. I went to the park for a bit,” I replied while reaching for the tomato sauce and chili sauce that Dara handed me from across the table.

I poured the tomato sauce from the glass bottle into my bowl. Then I moved on to take the chili sauce. After only three spoonfuls, suddenly a hand blocked my movement. I turned my head.

“That’s enough. Don’t put too much chili. Your stomach will hurt later,” Kevan said while taking the small spoon from my hand and putting it back in its place.

“Remember what happened last week? I don’t want you going to the infirmary again,” he continued in a firm but gentle tone. “You know how worried I was back then, right?”

I swallowed, then nodded. That was the only choice I had.

“All right, I understand,” I replied resignedly.

“By the way, I just found out why Mansyur Subawannur is used as Alvin’s last name. Anyone want to know?” Dara suddenly exclaimed. “This is a very shocking fact!”

“Hey, why are you dragging my name into this?” Alvin protested. “Dara, shut your mouth if you’re only going to talk about silly things!”

“Just let it be.” Dara ignored him.

I let out a sigh, having no intention of joining their conversation.

“I’ll tell you, then. It turns out,” Dara slowed down her sentence while I chose to stir my meatball soup without interest, “his mother is a big fan of the singer Mansyur S.”

The atmosphere suddenly fell silent. I looked up while raising one eyebrow. No one responded to Dara’s joke. Instead, now it was Alvin’s turn to laugh at Dara until he burst out laughing.

“Feel that. Everyone’s quiet, no one’s laughing,” Alvin exclaimed between his laughs.

“Ari,” Dara whined as she scooted closer to Ari. “Why are you just staying silent? Defend me, Ari!”

“Sorry, Dara. But I think parents are not appropriate to be used as joke material like that,” Ari said.

I stared at Dara flatly. She was now grumbling with an unsatisfied expression. Without saying a single word, I lowered my head again. I continued stirring my meatball soup with mixed feelings. I don’t know, my chest still felt tight. It felt like tears were about to spill, but I held them back with all my strength.

Why was his image still haunting my mind? Why did I feel so restless? I laughed bitterly in my heart.

What was I actually expecting? Wasn’t this my own choice to ask him to stay away? Then why was I acting like a fool now?

“Darling, do you want to order something else?” Kevan’s voice broke my daydream. “It seems like you don’t have much appetite for the meatballs,” he continued.

“No need,” I replied quickly. “I’m just not very hungry.”

Trying to cover up my confusion, I grabbed the soy sauce bottle in front of me. I poured it into my bowl and shook the bottle quite hard so more of it would come out. I did it with all my strength.

“Frel,” Alvin called.

I immediately turned toward him.

“Frel, stop! That’s not sweet soy sauce,” Alvin pointed at my bowl, “that’s salty soy sauce.”

Kevan, Ari, and Dara instantly stared at me.

I swallowed, froze, and fell silent.

Damn.

Look at how messy I am right now. Not only my mind, but my heart and body seemed to have been taken over by Kenn.

Maybe this is how he is punishing me. He wants me to feel for myself how painful it is to put on an act with him.

Congratulations, Kenn. You win.

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