Chapter 139: Between Begging and Letting Go

“My dad wants to ask about the model named Claretta Maharani. Maybe there’s something important.” Kevan kept talking as if he hadn’t heard what I just said. Seeing that there was no response from me, his grip on my hands tightened as if he were trying to convince me. “You’ll grant that request for my dad, won’t you?”

His tone was full of hope. I was confused about what to answer.

It was true that I cared deeply about Mr. Aditya, but when it came to Claretta, I wasn’t ready to explain anything.

“Just for a moment, I promise I’ll take you home right after that,” he pleaded again.

“Sorry, this time I can’t,” I replied while lowering my head. “Please understand, I don’t want to talk about that right now,” I whispered.

I heard Kevan let out a tired breath. He stepped back, moving away from me. I gathered my courage and lifted my face.

He now chose to sit on the sofa while rubbing his face roughly. “What do you want to say? Are you going to say those words again like she did?”

I frowned in confusion. “What do you mean? Who is ‘she’?”

Kevan looked up at me. His eyes looked hurt and sad.

His gaze shifted to the window glass. “Putri.”

My eyes widened as soon as I understood who he meant.

“She chose to chase her ambitions rather than maintain a bond. She ended our relationship exactly one day before moving to America.” His eyes stared sharply out the window. His jaw was clenched tightly, and his hands were balled into fists. “In other words, she also ended our engagement.”

I was shocked. They had been engaged? To Putri, Kevan’s ex-girlfriend?

“She threw me away just like that, as if I had never meant anything,” he added in a bitter tone.

I stood frozen in place. My voice caught in my throat. “But Grandma said—”

“Putri told everyone that I was the one who ended our engagement. Not her.” A crooked smile formed on Kevan’s lips.

It was the first time I had ever seen him make an expression like that.

“She’s amazing at playing the victim, isn’t she?” he said sarcastically.

I didn’t know how to respond. My mouth opened, searching for words to comfort him, but there were none. I fell silent again.

“I don’t know what I did wrong for her to heartlessly end our relationship unilaterally.” Kevan’s gaze turned flat. “I gave everything, but it was still not enough,” he muttered as if talking to himself.

I shook my head in panic. “Kevan, you didn’t do anything wrong! You did your best!” I cut in quickly.

It was true, Kevan wasn’t wrong. He was the best guy I had ever met. Instead, Putri was the one at fault. She was a cruel girl who was good at twisting the facts.

However, why did I suddenly feel that I was no different from Putri? I was just as cruel. I, too, would soon ... argh, damn it!

Kevan’s gaze shifted to the floor. He lowered his head deeply, as if hiding all his sadness. Without realizing it, I slowly walked over to him and sat beside him. My hand reached out to touch his arm.

He turned to me and smiled. “I’m grateful that my feelings for Putri back then weren’t as big as my feelings for you now. You are the reason why I can believe in love again, Frel,” he said sincerely.

I froze instantly. My mind went blank.

I was truly confused now. I could only watch Kevan’s movements and listen to all the complaints he had been holding inside.

Not long after, Kevan gently took my hand and knelt in front of me.

He cupped my hands with his large hands. “I thought I would never be able to erase Putri’s name. I thought I wouldn’t be able to love anyone other than her, but it turns out I was wrong. It took years to grow love for Putri, but with you, it only took a few seconds for these feelings to come without me being able to stop them. My heart always beats fast whenever you are near me.”

His faint smile and warm gaze shone like morning light. Meanwhile, I was still dazed. Every word he spoke made me more restless.

“Darling,” he called softly, then kissed my hand for a long time. “You know, I feel like I’ll never be able to love another woman this much again. Believe me, I will love you forever, more than anything in this world.”

I swallowed hard. My chest felt tight. Why did telling the truth feel so difficult? Why did Kevan’s feelings for me have to be this deep?

I was unbearably restless. Oh God, please don’t mess up my thoughts again.

“Sorry, I can’t go on like this,” I said quickly.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems like our relationship is no longer healthy.” I saw a flash of shock in his eyes, while I struggled desperately to gather my courage. “Lately, I’ve been feeling pressured. You’re too possessive. You always ask me to report all my activities and who I go with.”

His face turned sad and disappointed, but I couldn’t back down.

I took a deep breath. “I know you do that because you love me so much, but I’m not comfortable being treated like that. I’m sorry. I mean, I want our relationship to—”

“Stop.” Kevan interrupted. “I already told you, don’t say that again. Stop, darling. Please,” he said softly. “You’re my only one. You may think this is excessive, but truly, I feel like I can’t live without you. I’ll fix what’s wrong. So please, give me time.”

Kevan looked at me with a sorrowful gaze. I really hated that look. The look that made me weak.

“I’ll change, I promise. Please don’t end everything now,” he begged.

Trying to ignore him, my gaze shifted to the wooden door in front of me to avoid his eyes. “The problem isn’t only that. There’s another reason that made me make this decision.”

Dear God, this was harder than I had imagined.

“Whatever the reason is, I still won’t let you go.” Kevan’s grip on my hands tightened. “I’m happy with you. I want you to be the last one for me.” There was a trace of pain and hope in every tone of his voice. “Don’t destroy the happiness I’ve just found, please,” he added.

My heart felt slashed. It hurt.

Somehow, suddenly a very deep sense of regret gripped my heart and mind. Every time I said something that hurt him, it felt like I was torturing myself.

“Darling, I really like you. I even dare to say that I truly love you. Let me love you and I promise I’ll change and become even better. Isn’t that enough for you?”

My gaze turned vacant. “But—”

“Please, don’t go,” he said, sounding desperate. His expression was so heartbreaking.

I sighed in frustration. This conversation was torturing me.

“Stay with me,” he whispered in an even sadder tone. “Please. I can’t lose you, Frel. Not now, not ever.”

.............................